“No,” I said. “It’s better this way.”
Laura and I tried to pick up the thread of our conversation, but it was hard for me to concentrate. She and Bobby weren’t having much luck on the baby-making front and had decided to fly home for the holidays, but the tickets were expensive, so they were trying to figure out if it was worth taking a MAC flight out of Naples.
“How does that work again?” I asked, then listened to a detailed explanation that I couldn’t have repeated for a million dollars. I ordered a second glass of wine, and when it arrived, Laura interrupted her own story to nod in the direction of Teo’s table. “Looks like your friend has a girlfriend.”
I glanced over at Teo, and sure enough, Nina’s hand was resting comfortably on his thigh. “Oh, okay,” I said, before I could think about how I sounded.
Laura gave me a funny look, and I took a big gulp of wine and did my best to appear nonplussed. “That’s Nina,” I said. “She’s great. Really great. That’s great that they’re together.”
I had saidgreatso many times, I’m surprised Laura didn’t think I was having a seizure.
“Mmm,” she said, mockingly. “So great.”
I should have looked away, but I couldn’t. It was like watching a car accident or someone tumble down a flight of stairs. I was powerless to control the outcome, but I couldn’t not see what came next. In this case, it was Nina moving her hand a little higher up Teo’s leg.
Teo was quick to notice me noticing, and as soon as he did, he shifted in his seat, which caused Nina to move her hand and reach for her wineglass instead.
I was irrationally angry at Teo, but what right did I have to feel that way? He was young and handsome and completely unattached and had been told—by me—that nothing was happening between us. Did I really think he was going to pine for me indefinitely?
I think the person I was the angriest with was myself. If I hadn’t kissed Teo in Aggius and then again on his balcony, I wouldn’t feel so awful watching this new relationship of his flower in front of me.
“You know,” I said to Laura, trying to get the afternoon back on track, “if you can’t get seats on a MAC flight, I hear the Amalfi Coast is really nice. Maybe just do that?”
We talked about the pros and cons of taking their car on the ferry to Civitavecchia versus renting a car at the airport. It was possible that, at Christmas, car rentals would be difficult to come by.
I had gone a full five minutes, if not ten, without sneaking so much as one glance at Teo, but then Laura decided to reapply her lipstick, and while she dug around in her purse for her compact, I let my eyes wander.
The very first thing I saw—the only thing I saw—was Nina absent-mindedly stroking the nape of his neck with her knuckles, and at that point, I thought I might really lose my mind. “I have to go to the bathroom,” I announced too loudly, and Laura, who must have thought there was something truly wrong with me, threw her hands up in the air and said, “By all means.”
The bathroom was down a dark passageway at the back of the bar, and after I’d slid the lock shut, I stood in front of the mirror staring at my own reflection. “Grow up, Eileen,” I whispered, then I turned on the faucet and splashed water on my face. When I emerged, a minute or two later, Teo was waiting for me.
“Eileen,” he said, and I jumped.
“You scared me.”
He took a step back. “I’m sorry you’re learning about Nina like this.”
“You’re allowed to date.”
“I know, but…”
“It’s okay,” I said, and I even sort of meant it.
He looked at me warily.
“It’s more than okay. It’s good.”
“Then why doesn’t it feel good?” he asked, miserably.
I reached for his hand, then remembered it belonged to someone else, and instead wrapped my arms awkwardly around myself. “You deserve to be happy,” I said.
He nodded, like he was really trying to internalize what I’d said.
“Laura’s out there,” I said, pointing toward the front of the café. “So… I’d better go.”
“Okay, sure.”
As I started to walk away, I realized we hadn’t talked about his most recent story, which I’d read a couple of days ago inLa Spedizione. The Italian Ministry of Health had been putting pressure on the Ministry of Defense,who was putting pressure on the U.S. Department of Defense to provide CNEN with a specific list of the subs’ nuclear by-products, for the purposes of streamlining their environmental testing program. Teo had gotten Ambassador Volpe, on record, saying he thought it was a reasonable idea to release at least some information to the Italians.
