“There continue to be offers for the whole collection.”
“A fraction of what they are worth, and who knows what will happen to Vincent if I sell off the whole lot? I am the only one who can do this.”
“I am here to help you. I’ve always been here.”
“Perhaps you will consider a move too,” Jo finally says. “With your daughter.”
“I like it in Bussum.” I never want to live in the city again. I feel safe in Bussum, despite being a woman alone. I do not want to have to keep my wits about me at all times. People know me in Bussum and they respect me. There is a school for Marie-Celeste where I know the instructors. We have the boardinghouse. I try to explain this to Jo.
“I also need to remove my name from the lease of the boardinghouse,” she finally admits, sighing.
“What? Why?”
“Because we will be leasing this apartment here and my lawyers worry it is too much for me to carry. And I may need to take out a loan if a big exhibition is secured.”
“But it is just your name on the lease. The rent is always covered.”
“They do not think the bank will look kindly on me leasing multiple properties.”
Without her name on the boardinghouse lease I cannot continue running it. I have nothing to secure a lease of my own. Jo was able to get it because of her family’s standing. The bank will not give me, a single woman, one on my own. With the boardinghouse gone, I will lose my income, my home, the place I expected to bring Marie-Celeste.
“I can help you secure an apartment in Amsterdam,” she says, her eyes beseeching.
“I don’t want to move here,” I say, with more coldness in my voice than I have ever used with her. The fact that she has made this decision without me feels like an outsize betrayal. I have grown too comfortable in this life, and I should have known better. “How long until this move?”
“Soon, I hope. But the lease on the boardinghouse will expire in six months.”
This means I have six months to make a plan.
“I do hope you will consider Amsterdam,” Jo says when I don’t respond. “We still have much work to do together to support Vincent, and I will continue to compensate you. There are schools for your daughter here.”
“I need money,” I whisper.
“I will continue to pay you.”
“I need a loan. To help me bring my daughter here.”
All the color drains from Jo’s face. “Oh, Claire. Now is not the time. I have spent everything on the upcoming shows. Johan is already livid with me, and he has no income coming in either.”
I don’t know how to respond. Before the words leave my lips, I know what her answer will be. “Is there a way you could perhaps spend less on the next show?”
She looks as though I have slapped her across the face. “That is not an option.”
“But this is my life,” I say, my irritation turning to anger. “It is the only thing I have ever asked of you. Please, Jo. Help me.”
Her face hardens then. “I am so sorry. I do not have anything to spare.”
“I understand.” But I don’t. Not entirely. My mind is jumbled and foggy. But the one thing I know is that I need some security of my own. I cannot follow Jo van Gogh around forever, begging for scraps. I could ask her for a painting as a gift that I could sell, but my biggest fear is she will tell me no. Other friends and confidants have asked for paintings in the past and Jo was annoyed by them and cut off all contact. “Don’t they see this is my business and livelihood, not a charity?” she would scoff to me, and only to me.
She does not even like donating to the galleries for free. It took forever for her to donate two pieces to the prestigious Rijksmuseum, but she finally gave themRoad Behind the Parsonage GardenandFarmhouse in Provence.
Her demeanor relaxes and she grasps my hands in hers. “I knew you would understand. You always do.”
It is times like these that I wish I didn’t. Isaac’s words to her years ago at the show come back to me, how he refused to play second fiddle to two dead men. Despite how I have supported her in everything, I too will always be second fiddle to Vincent and Theo.
I’ve already thought about what I would do if she said no, but I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this.
25
