‘What did you say?’ I say, my voice barely a whisper.
Ma sniffles. ‘I told them that they were disrespectful for having the nerve to suggest that it was time for me to move on. That they were erasing him by setting up the date. It felt like my friends, my closest friends, were pushing me to do something I wasn’t sure I was ready to do.’ Ma lets out a heavy sigh. ‘Obviously, I know now they meant well, but at the time I couldn’t see it.’
I wait for Ma to say something more but she doesn’t, so I scoot closer to her and give her hand a gentle squeeze, grateful that she’s finally shared the reason behind the feud with me. I can see why she reacted the way she did and how it could lead to an argument so big it hit pause on their relationship.
Still, I have questions.
‘But Ma, if you’ve come to the realisation that they were only doing it in your best interest, why haven’t you reached out to them?’
‘I wish it was that easy.’ Ma’s voice breaks with emotion. ‘As time passed and I recognised that maybe I was wrong, it felt like the situation had become impossible to change. The lines were drawn, and I didn’t know how to go back to the friendship we once had. Trust me, if I could have Hira and Azad back at our house like the good old days, I would in a heartbeat.’
‘You can – you just have to talk to them,’ I say, trying not to be too pushy. ‘You know, Ma, a couple of months ago I saw thesearch on your phone. I saw that you googled how to know if a person is ready to date again.’
‘Oh,’ she says quietly.
‘Yeah.’ I exhale deeply. ‘So it seems to me that you wanted to date but weren’t brave enough, and Hira Auntie and Azad Uncle saw that. They saw how you were feeling because they’re yourfriends– yourbest friends– and they wanted to help.’
‘I know,’ Ma admits, curling in on herself. ‘I was scared, I see that now.’
‘So why don’t you just make up with them?’
‘I told you, it’s not as easy as you think it is,’ she says with a sigh.
But how can it not be? All she has to do is talk to them, apologise for how she reacted, and make up.
‘Are you seriously telling me that after everything – them being right about you dating again, about having to give up not just my friends but also a second chance at being with the boy I’m in love with – you’re not going to talk to Salman’s parents?’
‘You don’t understand, Poppy. They didn’t listen to me when I told them why I couldn’t go on the date. They did what they thought was right without considering how dating again might make me feel.’
I press my lips together, my eyes frozen on Ma’s. ‘So, you’re really not going to talk to them about this? You’re not going to forgive them, even though they were pushing you in the direction you wanted to go anyway?’
‘No,’ Ma says, her eyes not leaving mine.
‘And if you can’t forgive them for what they did, then you shouldn’t forgive me either,’ I say with a set jaw. ‘Because I only joined Eternally Yours to get you on Sadia’s list. Do with that information whatever you want.’
I walk out of the lounge and up the stairs. I grab a backpack and shove some clothes in it – none of them probably match, butwho the hell cares? I need to get out of here.
‘Where are you going?’ Ma asks as I slide down the stairs and push my feet into my trainers. ‘Poppy, can we please talk?’
‘I’ve had enough talking. I’m going to Shirin’s. Or Lipi’s. I don’t know, I’ll figure it out. All I know is that I need some space from you right now.’
I’m on the other side of the door, about to shut it when Ma says my name.
‘Please don’t go,’ she says, her eyes filling with tears. ‘You just need to understand where I’m coming from.’
But what is there to understand? I’m not the person she needs to talk to about this, and as much as I want to be here with Ma, I know I can’t. I’ve given up so much for her – my friends, a summer with them, Salman – and for what? A petty fight where she knows she’s in the wrong but she won’t apologise?
‘I hope this feud is worth it to you,’ I tell her before I do something I’ve never done before.
I slam the door in my mother’s face.
POPPY, SHIRIN AND LIPI
17:24
Poppy
SOS
