‘Yes,’ he says, not missing a beat. ‘Even though it’s hurt not being able to touch you every time I walk past your desk, or kiss you goodbye when it’s time to leave .?.?.’ He inhales before shooting me an apologetic smile. ‘It’s been worth it. The torture. The agony. It’s all been worth it becauseyou’reworth it.’
My breath hitches and I can feel tears pricking the back of my eyes. I know exactly what he means. Although it has physically pained me to be so close to him for the past few weeks, it’s also been the most exhilarating summer of my life. Being around Salman makes me feel alive, like I can do anything. Like I can be my messy and clumsy self. Like I can just bemeand that’s OK.
He scoots even closer to me, his thigh touching mine, his warmth radiating through his jeans.
‘Tell me what you’re thinking,’ he says.
I shake my head. ‘I don’t – I can’t .?.?.’ I bite the inside of my lip as a tear falls down my cheek. ‘I don’t know what to say, Salman.’ I look at him through blurry eyes and he uses his thumb to wipe away my tears. After a moment, he cups my chin so we’re looking into each other’s eyes.
‘I get that nothing has changed between our parents, but this time I’m not backing down without a fight. I let you go once and it was the worst mistake of my life,’ he says. His eyes are red, like he’s holding back tears. ‘If you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine. But I need you to knowIwant to be withyou. No part of me has ever not wanted you. And this time I’m doing what I should have done last time and asking you what you want, so there can be no misunderstanding.’ He looks deeply into my eyes. ‘Poppy, what do you want?’
I shake my head, my throat thick with emotion. How can I tell him that I’m scared of being left behind again? There’s no guarantee that, if we get back together, we won’t break up oncemore.
At the same time, haven’t I learned anything from working at Eternally Yours all summer? I’ve spent the past few weeks reading client profiles and mapping out love stories, where history and baggage could prevent people from moving forward. I watched Akash and Samira fall in love over a few hours, saw how they brought out the best in each other. I watched Habib take another chance on himself by allowing himself not to be ruled by fear but by his heart, making room for someone to join his space even though it terrifies him.
So why don’t I allow myself the same?
There’s so much to consider that all my thoughts crash into one another, melding until they become an excruciating buzzing in my ears. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Tell me you don’t feel what I’m feeling, that you haven’t felt the electricity between us this last month, and I’ll back off. We’ll forget I ever said anything and we can be strangers again once the summer is over. We can pretend that this conversation never happened.’
Strangers.The word is metallic in my mouth, the taste of it sharp and unpleasant.
And suddenly, with absolute certainty, I know what I need to do.
‘Don’t,’ I whisper.
‘Don’t what?’ He leans in slowly, just stopping short of grazing my lips with his, an invitation for me to accept or to walk away – but who are we kidding? With Salman, there has never been a shadow of a doubt that the answer has always been yes.
‘Don’t pretend,’ I say, leaning in and meeting his lips.
As soon as our skin touches, electricity shoots through my body. Salman grabs me by the waist and pulls me onto his lap, my legs straddling him, both of us careful that my shin doesn’t hit the edge of the bench. The kiss isn’t like any we’ve sharedbefore. It’s not soft or gentle – it’s hungry. Frantic. Wild. And even though we’re in public and in broad daylight, as his tongue enters my mouth, I’m unable to contain the sigh that escapes me. His hand travels from my jaw down to my waist, bringing me closer to him until he can’t physically pull me any closer. I rest my hands at the nape of his neck, my nails digging into his skin as he deepens our kiss. He grips my waist like it’s a lifeline and I pull myself closer to him, my chest pushing against his like any distance is too much to bear. Slowly, I bite his bottom lip. He shudders, reminding me of the many times I’ve elicited that reaction from him, the ghost of our relationship lingering at the back of my mind.
‘There is nothing I want more in this world than to be with you, Salman,’ I say, my voice shaking with the truth. ‘If you’ll have me, I’m all yours.’
‘It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted, Poppy,’ he responds, sinking deeper into the kiss. Relief floods through me. As he holds me in his arms, his tongue dancing a carefully practised routine, I feel safe. Being with Salman feels like finding a missing part of myself, like finally finding the word that’s been on the tip of my tongue since we broke up.
It feels like coming home.
Even though thoughts tumble in the back of my mind about having to hide our relationship again, and knowing that our parents might never speak to one another again, I push them down. Instead, I press against Salman’s firm chest.
I’m thinking about asking him to take this elsewhere so we can do unspeakable things when Salman suddenly pulls away from me, locking me with an intense stare.
‘What?’ I ask, breathless from all the kissing and the indecent thoughts running through my head.
His jaw tenses. ‘How do I know I won’t lose you again?’
Although Salman breaking up with me was painful, I realisenow, especially after he’s told me why he did it, that I’m not the only one with fears.
‘You won’t, I promise.’
‘But you’ll still have to lie to your mum. The guilt won’t go anywhere. Nothing’s changed.’
He’s right. I can’t try and suffocate this like I did last time. I need to confront it if we’re to have any hope of a happy future. ‘I’ll talk to her,’ I say, coming up with a plan in my head. ‘I need to understand what happened between our parents.’
He nods in understanding. ‘You think she’ll finally tell you?’
I draw circles with my finger on his collarbone. ‘She doesn’t have a choice any more.’
