That I ’ll fall in love and get my heart broken again.
Are you currently emotionally available for a new relationship?
Maybe
How would I know?
Ask me again tomorrow
No
5
Mum is in her scrubs when I get in, her feet propped on the coffee table, which tells me she’s had a long day.
‘Is that my wonderful daughter who has just walked through the door and is about to give me a massage?’
‘Ma, I’ve just got in,’ I say, setting down my bag in the lounge and kicking off my shoes. ‘I’mexhausted.’
‘Would some Haribos change your mind?’
I can see it for what it is, a bribe, but it’s such a good one that I can’t turn it down. Haribos are my kryptonite, and she knows it. Besides, Ma wouldn’t ask for a massage unless she really needed one.
‘Where do you need me?’ I mumble.
‘You’re too good to me,’ she croons. ‘Shoulders, please.’
‘Don’t forget that the next time I ask you for a lift.’ I walk into the bathroom and open the under-sink cabinet. I rummage around until I find the massage bar we bought from Lush a few weeks ago. ‘So, how was your shift?’ I ask, settling onto the sofa next to her, gesturing for her to turn so that her back is to me. I unwrap the bar and warm it in my hands–the vanilla, almond and marzipan smell is so intoxicating, it just about makes me forget the stress of the day.
‘The usual,’ Ma says, then sighs as I press my thumbs into her shoulders. ‘Darcy thought my handbag was hers and nearly walked out of the ward with it hanging off her shoulder.’
I laugh, even though I know I shouldn’t. Ma’s patientscan’t help that their memories are failing them or that they’ve rewritten them into narratives that don’t match up with the reality around them. To be honest, it’s one of the many reasons I admire Ma so much. I wouldn’t be able to spend every day with such vulnerable people, caring for them even when they get on your nerves.
But that’s Ma for you. Despite the emotional and physical toll of the job, she still does it. Even though the pay isn’t the best and there are some days she’s so drained that all she wants to do is curl up like a burrito on the sofa, she’s always said she wouldn’t trade it for the world, that she feels grateful that she can help people in a bad situation. It makes me admire her all the more. She’s been through so much in her life and she still keeps caring for people, as if she has no choice.
‘How did you convince her it was yours in the end?’ I ask as I rest the bar on the table, my hands thoroughly oiled up.
‘I didn’t.’
I try to think back to when I walked in, and whether or not I saw her bag on the hallway table. ‘Ma, please don’t tell me Darcy has your bag right now.’
‘It’s only in her room, it’s fine.’ Ma waves her hand in dismissal. ‘And it’s not like I had a lot in it anyway.’
I raise a questioning brow, even though she can’t see me.
‘There was just some hair ties and lip balm left in it.’
Somehow I doubt that. Ma’s bags are always bursting with stuff.
‘Fine, I also had some gift cards, hand sanitiser, an emergency protein bar, a pair of sunglasses, a charger, and probably some receipts that need to be thrown out,’ Ma adds guiltily. ‘But that’s OK. Nothing in there can hurt Darcy, and at least my phone or keys weren’t in it.’
I suppose there is that. ‘You just better hope she doesn’t make a run for it and spend all your gift cards.’
‘If it brings Darcy some joy, then so be it.’ Ma looks over her shoulder at me with a jovial expression, but her face quickly rearranges itself into a look of confusion as she turns around to face me properly. ‘Wait, you weren’t wearing that this morning.’ She leans forward to feel the jumper I’m wearing. ‘Is this .?.?. cashmere?’
I sigh, wondering how to tell her what happened without telling her the whole story. To be honest, I don’t even want to think about how today went.
‘I spilled some tea on myself,’ I say simply – it’s true, after all. I press deeper into the base of Ma’s neck and she leans her head back with a sigh. ‘Sadia was nice enough to lend me her jumper so I didn’t have to walk around with a stain all day.’
