‘Really? Why? Is it like Omar?’
‘No, this client has been paired and has been on a few dates with various matches already, whereas Omar was still very early stages. But this client’s been feeling overwhelmed by it all. It’s understandable, of course. Dating can feel performative and it can be difficult to navigate vulnerability when you are essentially putting on a show and trying to put your best foot forward. Especially when you’ve been through the cycle a few times already.’
Everything Sadia is saying makes sense, and I can’t help thinking about Ma. How will her journey go? Will it be smooth sailing or will she have wobbles along the way?
‘So I’ve asked him to come in to discuss how he’s feeling.’ Sadia’s hand is on the door handle. ‘You don’t need to say anything. As I mentioned, this is more of a learning opportunity for you, and something you will see should you want to work at Eternally Yours in the future.’
She winks at me. My eyes widen. Is Sadia offering me a job once I graduate from uni? Does she really think I’m good at this?
I don’t have time to think about it because Sadia opens the door and we walk inside and take our seats. I finally get a lookat the client and I recognise him immediately. It’s the man Sadia showed us right before we started the matching process. The person I saw myself in because, like me, he’s also lost a parent. I remember how Sadia noted his intense fear of being left behind, and immediately my heart aches for him.
‘Habib, this is my personal assistant, Poppy,’ Sadia says before she places the mug in front of him. The faint smell of cinnamon wafts through the air.
‘Hey,’ he says, his face expressionless, like he wishes he could just leave.
‘Hi,’ I say meekly.
Habib’s shoulders are stiff as he looks at the drink in front of him. We sit in silence for the longest time, and it reminds me of the few therapy sessions I had after Baba passed away. How the therapist would wait me out, urging me to start the conversation rather than the other way around. It always worked, even though I tried my hardest to play possum.
It does now, too.
‘I think,’ Habib says slowly, his voice scratchy like he hasn’t spoken in a while, ‘I need to take a step back from the agency.’
I subtly look at Sadia, watching her mannerisms, but she’s still and unflinching. I expect her to question him, prod him about his reasons, but she doesn’t say a word. She simply waits, drawing out the moment, allowing Habib to speak his truth.
‘The dates were great. Monika is great,’ he continues, vigorously tapping the mug with his finger. ‘I just don’t know if I can continue at Eternally Yours without wasting everybody’s time.’
Sadia looks at Habib for a long moment before folding her hands in front of her on the table. When she speaks, her tone is soft and steady. ‘Habib, I know this can’t have been an easy decision to make, and we appreciate your honesty and candour.’ She smiles at him reassuringly and I know she means every wordshe says.
‘Thank you,’ he says, pressing his lips together, still looking down at the mug.
‘Can I ask why you’re feeling this way?’
Habib gently shakes his head, as if he doesn’t want to explain himself, but a moment later he does. ‘It has nothing to do with Eternally Yours. The process itself is fine – more than fine, actually. I just .?.?.’ He lets out a deep breath and looks up at us, his eyes glassy. ‘I’m afraid to get attached. It’s like I can see how it’s going to end before it’s even started.’
My heart just about shatters. I know this feeling well. After Baba passed, it was hard not to feel negative, not to feel as if all good things had to come to an end, especially in the first few months. When Salman broke up with me out of the blue, it only cemented my fear – I was doomed to end up stranded, alone.
I try to keep my composure while Sadia continues the conversation. ‘What I’m hearing is that you’re afraid that, should you continue with us and Monika, you would get hurt.’
Habib’s jaw tightens for a second before loosening. ‘Yeah, that’s the bottom line. After Mum passed .?.?.’ He shakes his head like he doesn’t want to go there. ‘I can’t feel like that again.’
I feel my throat thicken with emotion, listening to Habib speak. Will this be me one day? Will I be haunted by my past, unable to form new relationships? The complete irony of me working at a dating agency when I’ve got this baggage does not escape me.
‘Can I share something with you?’ Sadia asks gently. ‘I don’t think you really want to leave the agency.’ Sadia leans forward. ‘When people leave, they don’t tend to come here and explain their reasons. Instead, they disappear off the face of the earth. They stop picking up our calls. They stop answering emails. They become strangers. But you, Habib? You’re not doing that. You’re sitting here and letting us know your reasons. What that tells meis that you don’t actually want to leave, but rather that your fear is ruling you, and it’s the fear of what you might discover if you actually stay with us at Eternally Yours.’
The silence that follows is heavy, and I feel tears start to build in my eyes. Because Sadia is right. If Habib wanted to leave, he could have just disappeared into oblivion or he could have given her a quick call – but instead he chose to come here. Asking for reassurance. For guidance.
Is that what I’ve been doing with Salman? Like Habib, am I choosing not to walk away because I’m still hanging on to the hope that things will be different this time? Something has changed between Salman and me, that much is clear. There’s no chance that we’ll ever get back together – him walking away from our relationship made that clear as day – but he seems to want to keep me in his life in some capacity. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have changed the bet or kept trying to befriend me.
But can I open my heart to have him back in my life after everything we’ve been through?
Habib’s gaze softens, caught between acceptance and resistance. ‘What if I’m just setting myself up to be hurt again? People are unpredictable.’
‘Then we deal with it,’ Sadia says gently. ‘You’re right, people are unpredictable, but you can’t live your life fearing the worst. At the moment, you’ve got one foot in the door and one outside it, and that will hurt you more than making a decision. You can either step through the doorway with both feet and see what’s waiting for you, or you can step away and into the same position you were in before. The choice is yours to make, but I don’t want your fear to guide you in making it.’
Habib sits back and gazes out the window, following the path of the raindrops sliding down.
‘Either you let yourself love or you don’t – neither path has a guarantee of happiness,’ Sadia continues, a small, knowing smileon her lips. ‘But your fear doesn’t deserve to have that hold over you. You don’t have to be fearless, Habib, you just have to be willing to move forward. Staying rooted in the past can be a comfort for many, but taking a chance on the future? That’s the most wonderful thing of all. At the end of the day, you joined this agency because part of you still believes in connection, in finding a partner who will stand by your side until the end of time. That hope doesn’t just appear from out of nowhere. It’s been inside you, growing with time. Let’s not run from it now.’
