‘Dungeons & Dragons,’ Salman supplies before I can. Why is he chiming in? It’smypresentation. Even though I appreciated his assist earlier, I don’t need his help to prove myself to Sadia now. ‘It’s a role-playing game.’
‘Ah, I see.’ Sadia notes something down in her notepad, then gestures for me to proceed.
‘He’s also into photography and is seeking a partner who is kind. From these profiles, we can gather that they’re both incredibly busy people with demanding jobs but they both seem to reserve time and energy for outdoor activities. It’s important to them, and so I think that’s something they can initially bond over. Their careers are radically different, but their profiles are complementary – they care about other people and would be good partners to each other.’
I study Sadia for any indication of what she’s thinking about my match, but her face gives nothing away. Her expression is impassive and unreadable in a way that fills me with dread.
She didn’t ask us to work on the next bit just yet, but I want to impress her, so I continue. ‘I think that an ideal date scenario for them would be doing something active. Perhaps we could send them a map of a trail to follow – this would test their communication skills. We could leave a picnic basket for them at the end of their trail so they can chill out and chat properly.’
‘Is that not a health and safety risk, though?’ Salman asks. ‘One of them could get injured on the hike, depending on where you send them. We don’t want to be sued or anything.’
Salman’s testing me, the familiar smirk appearing on his face, but I’m prepared for that as well. I knew that Salman would challenge me so I factored that in, like the natural planner I am.
‘We’d have them sign a waiver,’ I respond. ‘And we can scout out the trail in advance, to make sure it’s suitable.’
‘What about the weather?’ he pushes. ‘British summertime, it could be torrential rain or an extreme heatwave. Even with weather reports and all the apps in the world, you never know what the day will bring.’
Salman’s questions feel like paint-gun bullets. Why can’t he just keep his mouth shut? I know, of course: he’s playing the game, just like me.
‘We’ll have a backup date for them, of course,’ I say breezily, ‘should the weather not be favourable.’
‘Like what?’
I plaster on a tight smile, careful not to overextend it so that I look like a deranged clown. ‘Well, I was thinking they could go to a local bookstore. Or maybe a board-game café. They could chat about their passions – reading and board games. It would be a low-key environment where they could share their interests.’
Salman nods. ‘Fair play.’
1-0 to me, suck it!
Sadia nods too and jots something down in her notebook. I can’t tell if she’s impressed or writing down reasons why I should be fired.
‘Let’s move on to the next match,’ she says, her expression professional and hard to read.
I press the clicker and two new images appear. I walk them through Samira and Hasan, who they are as individuals and why I think they would be a good match in the same way I did forSyed and Farzana.
‘I think Samira is a classic example of Neutral Good while Hasan is a Chaotic Good, and together they could come together to form an incredible bond.’
‘I fear I have no idea what you mean by this “neutral good” and “chaotic good”,’ Sadia says, making quotation marks around the words. My eyes meet Salman’s and I wonder if he is also remembering the time we tried to explain the alignment chart to our parents, and the sheer confusion on their faces as we went through each square and what it meant. It made us laugh so hard, we nearly cried. I shake the memory off but Salman still beats me to the response.
‘The alignment is meant as a way for people to categorise their characters inDungeon & Dragons,’ he explains. ‘It helps with defining their roles and how the character will behave, but it works in fiction and real life too. Like, Captain America is Lawful Good since he believes in justice, order and doing things for the greater good, while the Joker is Chaotic Evil, because he wants his freedom above everything, even if it means destruction and being selfish. I could think of plenty of real people who would fall under the Chaotic Evil category, but I’ll keep their names to myself for now.’ He winks at me and I can’t help but scoff.
We both know I’m Neutral Good through and through, like Samira.
‘After today I think I need a deep dive onDungeons & Dragons,’ Sadia mutters, scribbling more words down.
I continue with Samira and Hasan. I think it’s going seamlessly when Salman asks another annoying question.
‘I get that they fit, but don’t you think you’re playing it too safe? Personally, I would pair Samira with someone who’s Chaotic Neutral. They’re perfectly matched alignments.’
Of coursehewould think that. Salman is a perfect exampleof a Chaotic Neutral; he’s never been one for traditions, he’s often impulsive and acts on emotion rather than the rules. No wonder he’s trying to stick up for Chaotic Neutrals – he probably thinks he’s God’s gift or something. It’s a wonder he can even fit through a door, his ego is so big.
I scoff. ‘Do you want them to break up before they’ve even started? Chaotic Neutral is no good, Salman. They’re unpredictable,’ I say pointedly. ‘One day, they’re there and the next day they’ve decided to up and leave.’
I watch him swallow. ‘That’s true, they can be unpredictable, but they only become that way out of self-preservation if they feel unbalanced by a situation.’
I frown. What the hell is he insinuating?
‘I’m just saying, if they both show they 100% want the relationship to work, it will work. It will only implode if they stop communicating,’ Salman counters.
