“No, you’re not.” I still didn’t look at him. My eyes were locked on Ava’s, and I let her see everything I’d been trying to hide for the past nine days. The wanting. The frustration. The fear. “Ava. Please.”
She studied me for a long moment and I watched her weigh her options—stay here with Jackson, or come with me and give me what I was asking for.
“Excuse me,” she said to Jackson, her voice perfectly polite. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
She wouldn’t and we both knew it.
I didn’t touch her as we walked away from the party, but I wanted to. God, I wanted to. I led her along the riverbank until the noise faded and the firelight was just a distant glow through the trees, and then I stopped.
“How’ve you been?”
“That’s seriously how you want to play this right now?” Her words came out harsher than I was used to from her.
“What do you mean?”
She raised an eyebrow. “We’ve never played games. Don’t start now.”
I ran my hand through my hair, my frustration and irritation reaching a fever pitch.
“Nine days.” The words came out hard.
“Excuse me?”
“Nine fucking days, Ava. I’ve been—” I broke off, shaking my head while I tried to organize my thoughts so I didn’t look like the lovesick fool she’d turned me into. “I’ve been trying to get my head on straight, and you haven’t even reached out except the once.”
She crossed her arms, and there it was. The fire I’d been missing. “You mean I haven’t chased after you? Haven’t begged you to tell me what’s wrong?” She stepped closer, and I could smell her strawberry shampoo, and that vanilla-cinnamon body lotion—not perfume like I’d originally thought—that haunted my dreams. “You clearly needed space. I gave you space. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“No.” The admission ripped out of me. “I don’t know what I want. But it’s not—” I gestured vaguely back toward the party. “It’s not watching Jackson Cline put his goddamn hands on you.”
“Jackson was just talking to me.”
“He was trying to fuck you.”
Her eyes flashed. “And what if he was? What if I wanted him to?”
I knew she was pushing my buttons—testing me. Trying to see how far she could shove before I shoved back.
I closed the distance between us in one step, my hands finding her hips, pulling her flush against me.
“Then I’d lose my fucking mind,” I said, my voice rough. “Because I can’t—” I pressed my foreheadto hers, squeezing my eyes shut. “I can’t do this anymore, Ava. The distance. The pretending.”
Her breath hitched. Her hands came up to rest on my chest, but she didn’t push me away.
“Pretending what?”
“Pretending it’s just about the list.”
Her eyes were wide, but cautious. “What are you saying?”
I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t have words for the tornado ripping through my chest. All I knew was that the thought of her with someone else—anyone else—made me want to burn the world down.
“I’m saying I don’t want space.” I kissed her forehead. Her temple. The corner of her mouth. “I’m saying I don’t want to flirt with other girls to keep up appearances, and I can’t stand the thought of you flirting with other guys.” Another kiss, this one landing on her jaw. “I’m saying that the only person I want is you, and it scares the hell out of me, but losing you scares me more.”
She pulled back just far enough to look at me, her eyes searching my face. “Liam…”
“I know.” I swallowed hard. “I know this wasn’t the deal. I know I’m breaking all the rules. But I can’t?—”
She gripped my face and kissed me.
