But I couldn’t.
I set the phone down and dropped my head into my hands.
Two weeks.
Two weeks of convincing myself I’d done the right thing.
Two weeks of waiting to feel free.
Two weeks of learning that freedom without her wasn’t freedom at all.
It was just a different kind of cage.
FORTY-NINE
I sat on the old wooden bench at the edge of Miller’s Pond, the same bench where Drew and I had laced up our skates a thousand times as kids. It had been cold the past few weeks, but not quite cold enough for the pond to be fully frozen yet. Frozen or not, there was no one here which was just what I’d been hoping for. Most folks were probably with their families getting ready to dig into a big Thanksgiving dinner.
My mom had texted me three times already asking where I was. She’d sent me out for a can of cranberries hours ago, but I’d driven by the pond and pulled over. My butt was numb from sitting on the cold bench for so long, but my jacket was thick and my gloves, hat, and boots kept most of the cold out.
I stared at the pond, remembering simpler times like when the hardest decisions I had to make were whether Drew and I would practice slapshots or play keep-away until our fingers went numb.
Drew and I had learned to skate on this pond. His dad had brought us out here when we were six years old, patientand encouraging while we fell on our asses over and over again. By the time we were eight, we were playing pickup games with the other kids in town. By ten, we’d convinced our parents to sign us up for the youth league.
I remember wanting to grow up so much when we were kids. But now being a grown-up seemed like a shitty deal. It came with a lot more complex decisions than what games to play on a frozen small-town pond, that was for damn sure.
I just never thought it would come with a broken heart too.
The crunch of boots on frozen ground made me look away from the pond.
Drew stood at the edge of the clearing, his hands shoved in the pockets of his heavy Carhartt jacket, his breath pluming in the cold air. He looked pissed. It wasn’t the same rage he’d had in his eyes when we’d gotten into our fight on the ice, but he was definitely fuming.
“Figured I’d find you here,” he said.
I didn’t ask how he knew. Drew had always been able to find me when I didn’t want to be found. It was one of the annoying things about having a best friend who knew you better than you knew yourself.
“Your mom’s worried,” he continued, walking closer. “Said you’ve been avoiding her calls and texts.”
“I was going to text her back in a few minutes.” Probably. I don’t know. Time moved differently out here.
He stopped a few feet away, close enough that I could see the tension in his jaw. “And my sister’s been crying but she won’t talk to me about it, so I’m going to ask you one more time, and I want an honest answer.” His eyes met mine, hard and uncompromising. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
I should’ve lied.
But I was so fucking tired of lying.
To my mom. To Drew. To Ava.
Fuck, to myself.
“I thought I was doing her a favor.” The words scraped out of my throat like broken glass. “You know who my dad is. You know what I am.”
Drew stared at me for a while, his gaze hard. The wind picked up, cutting through my jacket, but I barely felt it.
“That’s it?” His voice was dangerously quiet. “That’s your excuse?”
“It’s not an excuse. It’s the truth. I’m saving her from?—”
He moved so fast I didn’t have time to react. One second he was standing there, the next his fist was knotted in the front of my jacket and he was hauling me off the bench, getting right in my face.
