“And I’ll be happy to show you,whenyou’re ready.If that’s something you want.”Am I rushing her?I am.There’s no denying that.But it seems like she needs a bit of nudging.Or a huge shove.If it makes her feel safe and protected and gives her peace of mind and keeps her from referring to her baby as a bastard, I’ll look into her eyes tomorrow and promise to love, honor, and protect her for the rest of her life.
It’s not a whim.I’m sure of myself.I want her to be mine.I don’t care how absurd anyone else might think I’m acting.They don’t understand.
The best feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life is happening right now.I’m two feet from the woman I’ve fallen for.I’m not even touching her, and I’ve promised not to for at least two months.She’s an angel who fell into my arms, literally and figuratively.She’s so perfect, I want to make her mine more than anything in the world.I’ve never been clearer or more certain.
“Do you think it’s sinful for me to sleep in the same bed as you?”she asks.
“No, Hannah.I don’t believe you’ve committed even one hundredth of the number of sins most people commit in their lifetimes, sunshine.People have pushed that stupid word on you and made you feel like a bad person for far too long.I don’t want to hear the word sin anymore.It’s on the banned list from now on.”
She smiles, which kind of surprises me.“Okay.”
Progress.
“Would it be sinful for you to scoot closer and hold my hand?”
Quickly, I close the distance between us and reach out to take her hand in mine.“No, sunshine.Banned word, remember?”
“Okay.Don’t you believe in God and the Bible?”
Oh, boy… “Hannah, the Bible has its place, but I don’t happen to believe it should be taken so literally.It’s filled with contradictions, and it sounds to me like people have been filling your head with shit that’s not even in the Bible, honey.”
“Probably…”
“They wanted to control you, and they did so by making you feel bad about yourself.That’s cruel.And it won’t happen in our home.I will never say anything that’s meant to make you feel like you’ve done something wrong.And we won’t fill our children’s heads with such nonsense either.”
She bites her bottom lip, watching me closely.It’s going to take time, but I’m confident I can undo the damage.After all, most of it has been done in the last four years.Her mother didn’t fill her head with all this shit.It started after Eve died.It was a gradual thing that happened under her father’s roof because he was such an asshole after his wife died.I’m certain Presley Vanguard was an even bigger piece of shit who spent the last two years adding to the list of stupidity.
I can undo that.I’m already making progress.
Hannah relaxes deeper into the pillow and mutters, “Ourchildren… plural… Can I get through just the one first?”Her words are barely audible but filled with a twinge of humor, making me chuckle.
Eventually, Hannah’s eyes grow heavy.“You’ll stay with me?”she murmurs.
“Yes, honey.I’m right here.I won’t leave your side.”
“It feels nice,” she whispers.“You’re warm and… I like it.”
All she’s touching is my hand.She’d be even warmer if I wrapped my body around her and spooned her, but that would be taking things too far.She’d end up pondering the sinfulness of allowing herself even one iota of pleasure.It’s infuriating.She deserves better.I vow to make it happen for her.
Eight
Hannah
It’s so bright.And I’m warm.In a good way.Comfortable.How is that possible?I’m never this comfortable.Not even before I was pregnant.
I slide a hand to my belly, like I do every morning, as I remember my situation.I’ve started every day making sure I feel life still kicking inside me.
Except today, my hand lands on something other than my stomach.I gasp, my eyes popping wide open as I look down to see another hand is on top of me.A huge hand that’s holding my stomach protectively.
This is why I’m warm.There’s someone behind me, spooning me.Touching all along my back.My butt is nestled against him.Panic consumes me right before he speaks.“Good morning, sunshine.Relax.It’s just me.Aaric.”
Aaric…
Oh yeah.The long walk… Aaric finding me on the path to his house… Reuniting with Rebekah… Being pampered by this giant man… Sleeping in his bed…
He kisses my shoulder.“You rolled over a few hours ago, after you went to the bathroom, and plastered yourself to me, honey.”He massages my tight belly.“I don’t know how you can sleep at all.This baby has been doing gymnastics for over an hour.”
I still haven’t spoken.My brain won’t send words to my mouth.I’m so stunned.On the one hand, I feel cherished in a way I’ve never experienced.On the other hand, I have no business letting a man touch me like this.He’s not my husband.I barely know him.
