“Hi, you’ve reached Coraline. I’m not available at the moment, but please leave a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can!”
Beep.
Her beautiful, soft voice.
I’m so choked up hearing it again, I forget why I called in the first place. So, I stay seated, with the phone to my ear, and look at the mountains until my head clears again.
“Hey.”
I focus on the snow in front of me as silence envelopes me again.
“It’s been almost two months since we laid Merelyn to rest.”
It’s also been about two months since I last felt okay—since I last felt like the sun wasn’t the only thing in this world to brighten my days.
I shut my eyes tight, feeling lost, but I continue. I’m already here, and it’s already recording.
Get your shit together, Gavin.
“I’m going to say it. I miss you, sweetheart.” My shoulders rise and fall. “I told you when you were here that I would share the story of my injury, but I guess I never got a chance to, so I’ll do it now.”
My whole body trembles as I go back into my past and replay one of the most painful days of my life.
“I was thirty-three years old on a deployment. I was close friends with my superior. Long story short, I took a bomb for him. He had a mama who wrote him a letter every day. A brother and sister who would send him weekly care packages. Afather who would remind him he was there for him for anything he needed. He had a family. So when I saw he was about to step on an IED, I pushed him out of the way. He fell and survived with minor injuries, and I…well, I lost my leg. I would make the same choice again. I was ready to die that day. I had no one when he had a whole family waiting for him. I was going to make sure he came back home to them.”
I take another gulp of whiskey.
“You know what I keep thinking to myself, sweetheart? I want to tell you about the day I first met you. Reasonably so. I know you’re angry and confused, but I want to be clear about my feelings for you, if I wasn’t before. I’ve been yearning for you every day and every night since I first saw you. It was a rainy day in Northern California. I took the first flight out with little to no planning. I just wanted to see my favorite person in person. I don’t do shit like this. I don’t go to concerts to see my favorite band. I don’t go to basketball games to watch my favorite team play. I don’t travel to see my favorite place. But I wanted to see you. The brilliant dreamer and mastermind behind the brush and pencil.” I suck in a breath, my throat thickening.
“Beautiful. That nine-letter word was all I could think about when my eyes landed on you for the first time. You looked so beautiful doing what you loved. It took my fucking breath away. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything but look at you. And when a thought finally did cross my mind, I realized that I had to have you. I want to go back to that day all the time and wish I could go up to you like a normal man would and ask you out on a date…but it would have been a lie. I could never worship you the way a nice man would. So I stayed away, paralyzed from your presence. I was shocked that I didn’t realize I was spilling my coffee all over myself.” I chuckle lightly but force the fleeting good feeling in my chest away. “Someone handed me a napkin.” I stare at the screen, realizing it’s already five minutes long. I could go on forever, but I’ll keep it short. “I kept thinking to myself, I’m one lucky man just to be in the same room as you. You were standing next to your husband and friends.” I grit my teeth at the thought of those miserable people around her. They were disguised as supportive people, but on the inside, they were snakes.
“Every single painting you did was mesmerizing. I couldn’t fucking choose, so I bought them all. I didn’t want anyone else to have them. It was like finding gold amongst stars. That night on the plane home, I realized something. I was done yearning. I didn’t want to long for you. I didn’t want to feel like you weren’t within my reach. I didn’t want to think about all the things I would do and say to you if you were mine. No, sweetheart. I was going to take a chance.”
I press the red button.
CHAPTER 39
CORALINE
It’s official. I’m no longer married.
And tonight I’m celebrating being free from Liam.
A single divorced woman who may have left her heart in Alaska and came back to Texas with the ability to see ghosts. Ever since the car crash, I see ghosts all the time. I’ve gone to multiple doctors and therapists about it, but no one can give me a clear reason as to why I have this ability.
Some spirits are nice and just seem lonely or lost. Either way, they’re always fleeting. It’s rare for one to linger longer than a few minutes. Others carry evil and darkness. I found a way to shut those out for the most part, just by singing my favorite song in my head or out loud. It silences the bad ghosts.
They all have one thing in common: they don’t speak.
My sister, Everly, hasn’t left my side since I got back home. We moved in together, renting a home near my parents’ place on the outskirts of San Antonio. It’s a three-bedroom house in a quiet neighborhood. Everly lets me use the third room for my art.
Thanks to a handsome man named Gavin Ariksen, I createagain. I draw. I write. And most importantly, I dream. My muse inspired me to find myself. My art is flourishing.
Those few weeks in Alaska changed me in amazing ways.
There hasn’t been one day that I don’t think about him. Every time I’m at a grocery store, or in the car, or whenever I spot a deer on the side of the road…when I’m doing anything really, I think of him. Most of the time, I think: this moment would be so much better if he were next to me.
It was only supposed to be a few days of space. Then one week turned into a month, then two months turned into six. It’s been six months since I left Alaska. We didn’t even get to exchange numbers. I left after he poured his heart out to me. He deserves a better woman.
