He smiled into his glass.
“The wedding will take place here, though my mother wishes Agnes were presented in London before Christmas. And the children must be adopted. No one at the table was deceived, however. Once they become Fitzwilliams, the Cooper children will inherit exactly as any future children of our own.”
“You wish for children?”
“Who does not?”
Chapter 31
“How does it feel when you truly love?” asked Elizabeth, looking with pleasure at Agnes, who had been radiant with happiness ever since her engagement became official.
“It is wonderful, especially when you have never felt anything of the kind before.”
“Never?” Elizabeth was surprised and perhaps a little troubled. Lately, she had wished that all their youthful dreams of one great love were not true, that one might love more than once in a lifetime.
“Never. I know what I am saying. My husband was much older than I, and though he was a remarkable man, what I felt for him was affection and respect, but not this feeling…”
“This feeling?” Elizabeth would have given anything to learn more, to have every sensation that led to love, and love itself, described in the smallest detail. She longed to understand, yet she knew it was impossible, for definitions belonged to reason, not the heart.
“You will see,” said Agnes gently. “I am not particularly skilled with words.”
She broke off suddenly and looked at Elizabeth. Ever since the colonel had proposed to her, her friend had seemed more thoughtful than before.
“Elizabeth, my marriage does not mean that you must leave.”
Yet even as she spoke, Agnes realised that in the new circumstances Elizabeth herself would not wish to remain for long. Two young people in love wished to be alone as much as possible, and the life they had shared, spending nearly all their time together and following the same routine, could not continue unchanged. Her role as tutor to the children would become the principal reason for remaining in the house, precisely what they had avoided until now by sparing Elizabeth the feeling that she was merely an employee.
“It is foolish to think of such things already. The colonel has gone to London. It will take some time before he leaves the army.”
“Alice, I never imagined I would remain here for long.”
“I did, because I never imagined something so wonderful could happen to me…and it is all thanks to you. Without you, I should never have gone to Pemberley. We shall be grateful to you for the rest of our lives.”
Elizabeth smiled, for Agnes spoke in the plural. Already, she and the man she loved had become one. So this was what love looked like.
And she found herself wondering, with some sadness, whether she would ever meet another man like Mr Darcy. Lately, every encounter with him had become a struggle against something stirring within her. Whenever he was near, she felt a happiness she could neither control nor explain; when he was absent, disappointment followed. Yet nothing in his manner suggested that he still felt anything for her, at the very moment when love itself had unexpectedly begun to awaken within her.
It was love.
She did not doubt it, precisely because she had never felt anything similar before. Exactly as Agnes had said.
When they visited Miss Darcy at Pemberley, she always hoped to see him. If he appeared, it seemed as though her whole soul filled with joy. If he was absent, detained elsewhere by business, the disappointment genuinely hurt. Both joy and disappointment were irrational, for nothing remained between them beyond a friendship, and even that was a distant one, since they rarely spent any time together.
“Elizabeth,” said Agnes gently, drawing her from her thoughts. “You are thinking about leaving, and I understand that. But why do I have the impression that it is not only me you will miss?”
The tone was cheerful, the words playful, yet Elizabeth blushed deeply.
As long as that feeling remained hidden within her, she could still deny it. If it became visible to others, matters would grow dangerous. He must never know. And she was equally afraid of Agnes and the colonel, who still dreamed of bringing them together.
Yet a few days ago, Agnes had inadvertently revealed something interesting, something she had learned from the colonel. It seemed that the gentleman who had proposed to her at Hunsford without first inquiring into her feelings now desired to be loved.
Elizabeth searched no more for a way out of the small trap before her. For nothing in the world would induce her to confess to Agnes that she suspected she had fallen in love.
“You once told me that Mr Darcy wishes the woman he marries to love him.”
“The colonel told me so, and I felt it was something of a secret. I committed an indiscretion…but I wanted you toknow that Mr Darcy has changed far more profoundly than appearances suggest.”
“Why is this so important news for me?” asked Elizabeth.
