“He’s lost a baby too, Dad,” Lana says quietly. “And I know you’ve tried to be a solid father. Loss after loss is hard to take, and you dealt with it as best you could. You had to stay strong for Martha, and you did what you had to. I get it. I’ve never begrudged you all of your choices. I’ve just wanted you to see me as someone you’d be proud to acknowledge as your daughter.”
“Idoacknowledge you. And I was proud as fuck before you went and…” Hawk gestures at me and then turns away with a groan that morphs into a retching sound.
“You call meGoose,” Lana says with fire in her eyes that has no chance of being extinguished by the tears that are building there. “I’m an odd fucking duckling, so I’m a goose. I get it. I’ve always understood. I’m not a duck. Iknowpeople see a goose. But I’m trying so fucking hard to be a swan, Dad. Bates makes me feel like a swan.”
Hawk’s eyes shine in the firelight, along with the tracks running down his cheeks. He nods and swipes the tears away.
“Yeah. Kelly’s a real nice guy. He makes everyone feel like the best version of themselves, and you can talk to him about anything without an ounce of fucking judgment. I’m going to miss that, Lana. Things won’t be like that anymore, and I want to blame you, but I know it’s my own fault.”
He throws his hands in the air. “We agree on that much, right? I did such a shit job being your father that I drove you into the arms of the first guy who wasniceto you. I can see that it’smy fault, Lana. I already understood my role in the daddy issues you told me you had, and that it’s my problem to fix. Iwantto fucking fix it, but I can’t ever do shit fast enough to satisfy you. You take my delays as inattention or misunderstanding — but I understand it right to my shitty core, Lana. You don’t have to keep showing me. I didn’t need a fucking demonstration with mybest fucking friend.”
He wipes the spittle from his mouth and sits back down, having risen as his temper had.
“Okay,” he says more calmly. “Goal achieved, Lana. You found the perfect way to pay back your father for his inadequacies. He’s sorry he didn’t do better. The debt is repaid. Go check it off your list.”
“Dad, that’s not what this is,” Lana pleads. “I didn’t plan this.”
“You plan everything,” he mutters, staring at the fire.
“Notthis,” I say through my teeth. “It had nothing to do with you. We were two strangers who acted on an instant connection. You were… the next day’s unexpected hangover.”
“Wow.” Hawk nods. “A guy can’t hear enough that his daughter wants to make babies with her one-night stand. Do neither of you see the problem with that?”
“Harper’s mom wasyourone-night stand,” Lana says coolly.
“Ofcourseyou’d bring that up,” Hawk cries at the sky. “I guess I was hoping you’d learn something from my mistakes other than how to repeat them.”
“Are you calling Harper a mistake?” Lana bites back, protecting her little sister as fiercely as a mother bear defends her cubs.
Hawk groans and covers his face. “I can’t fucking win with you.”
“It’s not aboutwinning.” Lana fires back.
“Both of you stop,” I command in my firmest tone. “You’re off-topic. Turn around and face the real issue so we can make the hard decisions before the rest of the crew starts turning up tomorrow. Hawk, I love your daughter, and she loves me. We’re together. It’s more than a one-night thing. We make each other happy, and I’ll take care of her until I die or until she says I have to stop. Those are the parameters. Where do you stand, and can we salvage any scraps here?”
“What’s to salvage? Intentionally or unintentionally, you both betrayed me.”
Lana crosses her arms and turns away. She’s trying to appear angry, but the quiver in her chin before she disengaged betrays her true emotions. Her dad’s pushing her away again instead of listening to her explanations or her needs. Granted, he’s pissed as a snake tied in knots, but still. He’s wedging more space between them, distancing himself so he doesn’t have to feel the sting of the loss.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Hawk,” I say with a sigh.
“No, you’re not. You don’t give a shit. If you did, you wouldn’t be fucking my daughter—right under my nose. You might as well shoot me in the back and spit on my carcass.”
I sigh again. “That’s a tad dramatic.”
“Fuck you. If I thought I could be done chopping a big fucker like you up by morning, my axe would already be hacking at your legs. Who seduced who?Ugh, never mind. It fucking stings either way, but I’ve had it coming, haven’t I, Lana? You’ve always fucking hated me.”
“I don’t hate you,” Lana says quietly as she stands and collapses her folding chair. “And I can’t keep sitting here listening to it, Dad. You decided a long time ago that I was too hard to love. I believed you to an extent, but I didn’t want to accept it, so I’ve badgered you. I know I have. But I’m done. It’s regrettable, but I know a lost cause when I see one. Trying togain your approval is a waste of time, and I don’t need to do any more calculations to prove it. I give up. I’ll leave you in peace.”
“Lana, wait.” I grab her hand before she can walk any further, then I turn back to her father.
“The thing was already done, Hawk. Nobody planned anything. It just happened, and it shocked the hell out of all of us. We’d love to do the right thing by you, but it’s the wrong thing by us. Iloveyour daughter. Our future together is a certainty. I would like to keep you as a friend, but I understand and accept your thoughts on the matter. If you want me to leave, I will. It won’t change anything between me and Lana, but you have the power to decide right now how things will be between you and her.Weboth love you and would like for things to be okay between us. Everything else is up to you.”
Hawk stands, folds his chair, and walks away — not even bothering to look at us as he delivers his parting words.
“Hope you didn’t unpack. Martha’s driving you both back to Dawson tomorrow.”
24
