Beer sprays from Martha’s mouth, and it hisses over the fire. Bates covers his face, and I don’t know if he’s laughing or crying, but his shoulders are shaking with it.
Martha’s quick to fact-check me. “Sadie Lawrence, Dad?LittleSadie Lawrence? Who Ibabysat?”
Dad groans and folds his head into his hands. “I know. I’m fucking disgusting. I was on the Christmas committee with her last year, and we spent a lot of time untangling lights together. I just… ugh, I’m going to throw up. When I’m around her, I forget about everything except for how much I like her, and then I remember her in fucking pigtails and want to kill myself.”
He swallows back the rest of his beer in a rush, and two seconds later, he’s puking in the garbage, moaning about what a “sick fuck” he is before crying “twenty-fucking-five” like it’s the devil’s number.
Bates, Martha, and I all look at each other.
“Twenty-five is a grown-ass woman,” I say, speaking for all of us. “It’s not like you wanted to date herbeforelast Christmas — a timeline that makes sense now you mention it. You definitely had a bug up your ass during the Hawkins family holiday week. I just didn’t know it was alovebug.” I giggle, and Martha shakes her head at me.
“Don’t joke at a time like this, Lana.Lookat him. He fucking hates himself.” She sighs and crosses her arms over her chest. “Dad, it’s fine. Nobody’s that surprised. Every woman you’ve ever loved since Mom has been twenty-fucking-five when you’ve met her. There’s a reason. You’re fucking trapped in time, and just because your body gets older, doesn’t mean your mind isn’t still stuck in your twenties trying to get to the happy-ever-after you lost when your plans first got shattered. Sit your ass down, and stop wasting good fucking steak.”
She extends a finger of accusation toward me. “Tell me what you fucking said about me.”
“Promise you won’t thump me for it,” I reply, having encountered this kind of scenario before.
“No,” she refuses. “Kelly will have to tear me off your bloody corpse if it’s as bad as what you just did to Dad.”
“I only did that to help him normalize anddealwith it. You think Ilikeseeing him like this?” I point at Dad’s sickly pale face. “You think I enjoy watching him waste his opportunities for happiness over and over again? I’m an efficiency expertandhis daughter — it fuckingkillsme. I’ve never once actually seen him happy, and I don’t think he can do it on his own, Martha.”
The finger comes back, and she has tears in her eyes. “I hate it when you do that. You’re always fucking right, and I hate it. You’re going to make me cry, and I haven’t cried since I saw you last time, you fucking button-pusher.”
I raise my hands in surrender. “I swear, I only do it because I love my family.”
“I know, meathead. You can’t lie for shit.” She laughs softly and looks over at Dad, who’s now slumped in his chair staring at the fire again. “Tell me what you said,” she says with a weary sigh. “I probably need to fucking hear it.”
“Okay,” I agree quietly. I throw a nervous glance at Bates. He’s watching me intently, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. No doubt I look like a grade-A bitch after what just happened. He’s probably regretting that he stuck his dick anywhere near me, and that his hunky sperm could be zeroing in oneggs à la Lanaat this very moment.
“First, I want to say that I had a totally different theory about Dad’s interest in a younger woman, but after hearing yours, I think it’s likely more accurate.”
Martha nods. “I’ve had more time to consider the issue.” She gestures for me to get on with it. “Tell me.”
I take a deep breath and huddle lower in my jacket. “I suspect you hate Reed so much because maybe the opposite is true,”I say as quickly and quietly as possible. “There’s such passion involved in every interaction between the two of you, and it lights you up like nothing else. I proposed that you love to hate him… and that if he was in possession of all the right-sized parts, then maybe the truth is that you hate that you love him.”
Martha stares at me and takes a long, slow swig of her beer. “I’ll have to think on that one, little sister. You don’t have to talk so quietly. You fucking shrank just now.”
“Because I don’t want you to hate that you love me.” I keep my head down, still avoiding the potential line of fire.
She snorts softly. “Never gonna happen. Do Kelly.”
My heart skips a beat before breaking into a gallop. “Huh?”
Martha points at Bates. “Do him.”
“Do…whatto him, exactly?”
“Truth-bomb his ass. He’s sitting there all smug and cozy-looking, like he thinks he’s safe. Make him squirm like the rest of us.”
I glance at Bates for less than a heartbeat and shake my head. “I… um… I don’t really know him well enough.”
“You know plenty.” The certainty in Bates’s tone draws strange looks from the others, but he remains calm and unbothered. “Tear me open and let them see what’s inside. They deserve to feel better about themselves after the gutting you just performed on them.”
I swallow hard. “A-are you sure?”
“As sure as a team of soldiers pounding at your gate,” he says with a secretive smirk before giving me a nod that seems to hold more weight than it should.
I stare at him, wishing I was telepathic, so I could ask,Are you telling me to tell them aboutus?
