He shakes his head without lifting himself from the pillows, then he rolls until we’re facing each other again.
“Can’t. Can’t do it to Hawk. Can’t do it to you. Can’t give you some half-assed, hidden relationship bullshit that’ll end in trouble. Can’t fuck up the work you came here to do and the plans you have for your life. You have everything ahead of you.”
“You could give me somewhole-assed, hidden relationship that would be worth managing the subsequent trouble. We could do that while I get to know you better and progress both my work and my life plans. I want that option.”
“And your dad?”
“If he loves us enough as separate people and wants us to be happy, then he’ll lose any argument against us finding said happiness together. He might take it personally at first, but he’llget over it once he sees how happy you plan to make me. You do intend to make me happy, don’t you?”
“With every breath,” I promise. “Are you sure you want that?”
“Yes,” she says without pause. “Any reservations or hesitations I’d have would stem from things outside of me, so they don’t count as what I want.”
Bates squints at me. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that due to the tumultuous nature of my relationship with my father, if and when he finds out about us, there’s a chance that he’ll interpret my involvement with you as an assault on him. As in: he’ll think I’m using you to punish him for being a shitty father to me — which he’s not, but I’ve told him enough times that he is, so he’ll assume. I would like to clarify to you that I’mnotin fact using you and your incredible body to lash out at my father.I have very real feelings about you, including — but not exclusive to — the fact that I think you’re very pretty, I like the way you treat me as a person and make me feel treasured, and I also like your massive cock and want it bare inside me with a passion that I’m only bold enough to admit right now because my blood consists of about twenty percent tequila.”
“Fucking hell, Lana,” Bates rumbles under his breath. “Are you serious?”
I giggle and shake my head. “That’s bad math. I apologize. It’s probably less than one percent tequila, but it feels like more because you make me feel all high and giddy and shit. I’m definitely drunk on a combination of you both — but please don’t think I don’t know what I’m saying. I feel like I’m making a lot of sense, and if you tell me I’m not, I’m going to be offended. You should break it to me gently.”
He grins and kisses me on the forehead. “You are the fucking wordiest, mostadorabledrunk ever.”
I nod. “Is there a disappointing statement to come? Because that sounded like it could have been a really good soft blow to start a rejection speech with. I’m like… floating from it and shit. You’re making me float, Bates.” I groan at how stupid I sound. “Gah,fuck-dammit. I changed my mind. If you’re going to shoot me down, do it quick and dirty. Don’t let me float any higher. Do it now.”
About to say something, Bates thins his lips, sealing his words inside. I whimper and give him a little shove.
“No.Don’t leave me hanging. I’ll lie awake all night thinking about it, and I didn’t get any sleep last night, if you’ll remember. I’ll be in an awful mood tomorrow, and I’ll definitely take it out on Dad, which won’t help my cause regarding us. He’ll accuse me of being unnecessarily shitty to him because I’m tired — and he’ll be right.I can’t give him that power over me, Bates. Iintentionallyget enough sleep every night so I can deny that kind of bullshit with plausible legitimacy.”
“I still want to wait so I can talk to you about this when you’re sober,” he says with a sigh. “There’s a lot at stake here, and it’s important that I know this is really something you want.”
He presses his finger to my lips when I try to say, “Heck-the-fuckyes,it’s what I want.”
“We have known each other aday,” he says firmly. “It had some major fucking high points in it, but we’re talking about major life-altering decisions based on a very thin sliver of time. It bears some careful,soberconsideration. Agreed?”
His finger stays in place as I nod, and my lips smoosh and drag against it, drawing his eye.
“Good,” he utters a little breathlessly before clearing his throat. “Now, the smart thing to do is to keep this quiet until we settle the matter. All things considered, the best plan of action is probably to put an end to this thing between us before it destroys any other very important relationships.”
My counterproposal is a whimper, and not the sexy kind. I think I’m going to cry. I can feel it coming.
Bates shakes his head. “Don’t you do that. We haven’t made any decisions. I said it’sprobablyfor the best, and I said it so you’d spend some time thinking about that instead of only focusing on the stuff that feels good. I want you to really think about the consequences of having your daddy’s friend shoving his massive cock inside your sweet fucking pussy —bare. How long do you think you might want that? Because that kind of thing has the potential of creating a walking, talking, living little consequence, Lana. Did you think about that when you said it? Because I don’t think you did, and it’s a big fucking deal. I need you to ask yourself if anything we decide to do will be worth the fallout.” He looks down at me with eyes I could happily gaze up into for an eternity.
“I need you to really think about it, beautiful. You told me one-night stand. There wasn’t anything wrong with how we did that. I can live with what we’ve done so far, but doing more is different. I’m experienced enough to know my mind, but I’m going to make sureyoutake your time to think about it. Have I made myself clear?”
His gaze dips to my lips again as I nod.
“Good. Now get some sleep. You’ll need your brain firing on all cylinders tomorrow because this is going to be fucking hard. You realize that, right?”
I nod again, and he takes his shushing finger away from my mouth, replacing it with his lips.
His movements are long, and slow, and I could almost drift off with the soothing sensation his kiss seems to bring me. He leaves me breathless and sees to my blankets, to ensure I’ve been covered and secured like an over-wrapped Christmas present — the kind with so many layers of tape that you have to rip yourway inside. I’d love for him to do that with the covers instead, but it seems counterproductive to his wishes.
Bates kisses my forehead, then surprisingly snuggles up next to me, taking the position of “big spoon.” I briefly suspected he might bail, but he doesn’t look as if he’s going anywhere. I’ve always wanted to have a manspoonme.
“Is it okay if I stay a while?” he whispers against the back of my head.
“Yes, please.”
