I mentally pitch myself some affirmations to help boost morale before I get to Gambler’s Creek.
I am a successful human, and I can get what I want.
I will make a good impression.
I’m going to hit the ground running.
I’ll show my father that I can be a contributing member of our family.
And if he just spends some time with me, then I’ll make it worth his while. If I can show him I can do the things he does but differently, then maybe he won’t be embarrassed to have me as a daughter, and he might actually invite me to be part of the lifestyle he so obviously enjoys.
11
BATES
Ijerk awake when the tiny charter plane hits the runway for landing.
I’ve napped like the dead on all three of my flights, which is good because I couldn’t sleep a wink in my hotel room after I put Lana in a cab.
The bed smelled of her.
Of us.
It did strange things to me. Made me feel hopeful and hopeless all at once.
I want to hunt her down and somehow make her mine. But I also don’t want to be some rugged, middle-aged lead weight clamped around her dainty, young ankles.
Somehow Lana made me feel found — and then even more lost — than I’d been before I met her.
How in the world did I stumble into that whirlwind when only a week ago I’d given up on love and sworn-off women for the foreseeable future?
I snort to myself and grab the small backpack from under my seat.
Lanawasn’tforeseeable.
She was the last thing I ever expected to turn up in my life. I’d never have known to look for her, and if Ihad, I might never have found her. We were just two souls who happened to collide in a random crossing of paths that sparked…something.
Or not.
It could be that I’m romanticizing it all. Maybe I’ve been so profoundly betrayed and heartbroken that I’ve imagined the whole beautiful experience just to make myself feel better.
Not for the first time, I pull Lana’s email address from my pocket and stare at the proof of her existence. It happened.
And she gave me a way to contact her. Am I strong enough not to use it? Because I want to, but I’m hyper-aware that we’re in very different phases of our lives. I’m not the best prospect for someone so ambitious and pretty, with her whole life ahead of her. She’s smart, and when she means business, she really gets shit done. Who knows how far a girl like that could go?
I watch my tools and equipment getting lowered out of the cargo hold, then I head inside to sign for it and meet Hawk before we load up his truck and leave. I try to think about the work ahead, but Lana won’t leave my mind.
What’s she doing right now?
I didn’t even ask her where she was headed. I only know she’s motivated as fuck to succeed when she gets there.
That’s right, I tell myself. She has a life, and she’s only just setting out to live it. She doesn’t need some battle-weary old man chasing her to ask if she wants to settle down and make babies with him.
Seems like a terrible, wonderful, very unrealistic idea, and I should probably leave her inbox well enough alone, even if it feels like my heart has already written her countless love letters. I groan out loud as my heart pounds its desire loud enough to wreak havoc with my decision-making.
I’ll have to talk it out with Hawk when I see him. He’ll know if I’m being stupid. Always does. He told me Shaniah was trouble when I met her — not that I listened. I owe the guy a hug for caring enough to say it, and I make sure I prioritize that hug over heading to the cargo collection area.
As soon as Hawk sees me, his face lights up and his arms go wide. “Kelly. You big, ugly son of a bitch, I havemissedyour pretty face.”
