Except he’s notmakingany moves.
He’s still. Why is he so still?
I rush to explain myself better.
“I should have gone through the list with you sooner,” I say, acknowledging his imploring gaze. “I don’t usually jump the gun like this, but the opportunity presented itself, and you’re really hot, so I got all excited by the idea of being a gun-jumper. But you’re massive — and Ilikeit — I just… I don’t know if it would have been better if I’d had some practice on a learner dick before I stepped up to the big leagues. You know? You’re a big-league guy, and I’m me, and I… I don’t want to give you an inadequate performance.” I search his face, but I don’t know what to make of his latest expression. “You’re looking at me funny. Should I shut up?”
When Bates doesn’t answer, I sense I should probably be quiet too, so I nod. “I’ll shut up.”
He holds up my notepad and taps at the shorthand at the bottom of the list. His voice cracks when he speaks, and he clears his throat before trying again in a deep, demanding tone. “What’s this last one?”
“Do the thing,” I squeak, shrinking a little. “Are you angry? Is it bad that I’m a twenty-two-year-old virgin? I know some people have sex a lot younger; it’s just that I was really busy and most people don’t like me?—”
Bates flinches and rears back even more. “Most people are idiots,” he says with a gruff rumble. He gets off the bed and walks into the bathroom.
I wait for several minutes, then I follow him in there and find him with his hands braced on either side of the sink as he’s staring at himself in the mirror.
For a moment I can’t decide if I should address the real Bates, or the one in the reflection. Both of them seem a little haunted. I meet his eyes in the mirror. “Are you okay?”
“I’m not sure how to answer that when I’m naked in a hotel room with a gorgeous, twenty-two-year-old virgin, hating myself for how badly I want to do all the things she’s asking of me.”
His voice is low and sort of thick-sounding.
“I don’t want to be a reason you’d hate yourself.” I glance at the door before returning my attention to him. “Do you want me to leave?”
He blinks at me. His gaze follows my curves in the mirror, and he groans softly. His finger taps at my notepad that’s lying at his fingertips with all the lines crossed out, bar one.Doing the thing.
His finger taps the list again. Higher up. He points at the one I crossed out when he said that he would have sex with me. It’s what I would’ve done had he declined. The thing I didn’t want to do, but seems I might have to.
“What does this one mean?” he asks softly.
I fold my arms over my breasts, drop my gaze, and sigh at my feet.
“Lana.”
His scolding tone brings my eyes back to meet his in a heartbeat, and I have the strongest desire to make things better and secure his approval again so he’ll…Fucking dammit— Idohave fucking daddy issues.
“Tell me,” he says, tapping the paper again. “What’s arrow, box, FS, dot-dot, squiggle-dee-blah-de-blah?”
I keep my tone as level as my stare. “Escape to my room. Fuck myself, cry, and try to have sex for the first time again in December.” I step back into his room and start collecting my clothes.
Bates watches me from the bathroom doorway. “Lana, it’sMarch.”
“I know that.” I throw my shirt over my shoulder and reach for my underwear. “You think I don’t know that?”
“I’ll rephrase,” he says carefully. “If you want to lose your virginity now, why would you wait until December?”
“It’s complicated.”
Bates folds his delicious arms over his chest and leans against the doorframe as if he’s got all night to hear me out. “I’m smarter than I look.”
I squint at him. “You look smart…Shit.” My shirt slips from my shoulder, and I pick it up again — twice — too flustered to be more careful and efficient. I stop and take a deep breath. “Should I put my clothes on first?”
“Up to you,” he says, looking me over. “I like you both ways.”
I scowl at him. “You’re confusing.”
“Right back at ya.”
