I had never met a man more attuned to me in my life.
And he deserved my honesty.
“I …” I pushed valiantly past my embarrassment. “I need you to be honest about something because this won’t work between us otherwise.”
“Okay…?”
“Everyone has their … kinks, right?”
Murray frowned at the road. “Eh … what kind of kinks do you think I have?”
“No. I … okay … so, like, I know that some guys need to be in control in bed, but if that’s your kink I … I can’t. Not … at least … not right now, and I don’t know if that will ever change.”
The tension between us transformed, and I wasn’t quite sure what it meant until Murray demanded in a low, anguished voice, “Did Nick … did he …”
I reached out to squeeze his arm. “He and I didn’t have sex for the last two months of our relationship because I was so not into it. I found texts between him and a high-end escort service, so he didn’t need me for that. Truthfully, I don’t think he even wanted me like that anymore. I was like a pet in a cage he got off on controlling more than he got off on having sex with.”
Murray relaxed infinitesimally.
“But …” I pushed on, letting out a nervous exhale. “Before, when wewerehaving sex, there were times I consented whenI wasn’t in the mood and I don’t know why I did that. He had messed so much with my emotions and my head by that point that my entire life felt out of my control. Hehadto be in control during sex, and at first, I was okay with that, but in those moments I said yes when I shouldn’t have, I resented how it had to be between us in bed. I feel ashamed of myself for a lot of things in that relationship, whether you or Nee or anyone tell me I shouldn’t. I carry it. I carry that I was living a life that I didn’t want to live.
“So, in those times when we were together and he’d use phrases like ‘good girl’ and talk dirty to me … it started to turn me off instead of on. Now … I guess I’m worried about how it’ll be between you and me.”
My skin burned hot with vulnerability and his silence was crushing. Immediately, I assumed it meant Murray needed something I couldn’t give him. Damn it! Just when?—
“We take this at your pace, London,” he said, breaking through my panic. “I’m not ashamed to say I’m a man of simple pleasures. The fact that I even get to touch you, kiss you, is more than enough for me.” Murray pulled the car to a stop outside the house, but I didn’t move because I was transfixed by him. He turned to look me in the eye, his next words gruff with emotion, “You, just you as you are, are my fantasy. And I still can’t believe that you’re real and you want me back. But if you need more time before we move onto this part of our relationship, I will give you all the time in the world.”
That insistent throb returned between my legs and I shifted impatiently, feeling how wet I was. Holy shit. I guessed my body trusted Murray instinctually.
“I don’t need more time. I promise,” I whispered, my chest rising and falling in shallow breaths.
Murray’s breathing found pace with mine as he unclipped his belt a little hurriedly. “You take the lead and I’ll follow.”
“Okay,” I practically squeaked as I unfastened my belt and Murray jumped out of the vehicle.
He was already rounding the hood to throw open my door, and I practically fell into his arms in my eagerness to be there. Murray yanked me against him, crushing his mouth over mine, apparently forgetting about the letting me take the lead part already.
But I didn’t feel threatened by that. The opposite, in fact.
I moaned into his hot kiss, loving being surrounded by his heat, his scent, the feel of his big hands on my lower back, the soft bristle of his beard against my cheeks. I wanted more. I wanted to feel his hot skin beneath my hands, and Ineededhim inside me. For the first time in my life, it wasn’t just about satisfying a sexual urge … it was this otherworldly, desperate desire to be connected to him in every way possible. To claim Murray Shaw as my own.
I reluctantly broke our kiss, the taste of him still on my tongue. “Take me inside.”
His hands flexed on my back in reaction, and he gave me an abrupt nod before lightly grasping my hand and hurrying us toward the mudroom entrance.
Now that he understood what I needed, I could relax and enjoy the anticipation. A giggle of excitement bubbled in my mouth, and I had to bite my lower lip to stop it escaping. We were in the middle of kicking off our shoes, our eyes unable to untangle from each other’s, when a whispered voice cut through the moment.
Fiona.
Oh my goodness, how did we forget that Murray’s mom was still here?
Murray grimaced and hung his head in comical despair.
Trying not to laugh at his dismay, I rubbed a soothing hand over his chest. “Come on.”
He gave me a look that warned this wasn’t over and then we hurried down the hall, past Kelly’s closed bedroom door, to find Fiona at the bottom of the staircase. The heat burning through me cooled at the sight of her pinched expression.
“Did you have a nice night?” she whispered.
