He doesn’t prompt me. Just waits.
I inhale. ‘This is going to make me sound like some sort of conspiracy theorist.’
‘Look, Alice. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. Just know that I’m not going to pass any judgements. This conversation will have no bearing on our friendship, and I won’tbring any of this up again unless we’re in a counselling session, or unless you want to.’
I take in his words and decide that I do want to open up to him because the alternative is to have these crazy thoughts grinding through my brain every minute of every day with no escape. ‘Okay, so the thing I can’t stop thinking about is whether this might all be some kind of elaborate hoax.’ Saying the words out loud makes me cringe inside.
‘In what way?’ Laurence asks with no judgement in his voice.
‘In the way that Seth and his parents could be three lookalikes who are doing a bloody good job of convincing everyone I’ve lost my mind!’ As I blurt out my darkest fear, I feel a mixture of relief and horror. Surely, after that, Laurence will think I need serious help. ‘I know how it sounds,’ I add. ‘I can’t believe I’m even thinking these things, let alone admitting them to someone else, but at this point I can’t find any other explanation that makes sense. All I want is to find out where my fiancé went. What’s happened to him?’
I stop walking for a moment and stare out at the wide blue sky, wishing I could make sense of my life right now.
Laurence comes to a halt and turns, waiting for me to continue.
I shake my head in frustration before continuing to spill my guts. ‘I’m genuinely worried about Seth right now. About where he is, what he’s thinking ... Did he pull this stunt to get out of marrying me? Is there someone else in his life?’ As I air my fears, thoughts of Damian flit through my mind. I think of all those times he told me I was lucky to have him. How no one else in their right mind would ever want me. That I was essentially unlovable. The rational part of me knows that’s not true, but his past words have a way of seeping into my present thoughts like a dark, sticky poison with no antidote. Was Damian right? Has Seth somehow concocted this horrible situation to get out of marrying me?
Silence flows between me and Laurence, the warm air heavy and expectant. Waiting for enlightenment that refuses to come. ‘I honestly feel like I’m going crazy,’ I add, my voice cracking. I clear my throat. ‘My fiancé has disappeared and no one else seems to care. No one believes what I’m telling them.’ I start walking once more, lengthening my strides as though I can out-walk my fears.
Laurence matches my pace. ‘It’s okay, I understand,’ he replies calmly.
‘You do? Because I’m not sureIwould if I heard someone say it.’
‘OfcourseI understand,’ he says gently.
‘You understand that I truly believe that man at the church was not my fiancé?’ I ask, wanting him to really know how I feel. ‘You already mentioned that the police might recommend sectioning me if I reported Seth missing. But what do you genuinely believe? Do you think I’m losing my mind?’
‘Alice,’ he replies, ‘I’d be terrified if the person I loved suddenly became a stranger to me.’
‘That’s exactly how I feel,’ I cry. ‘Since it happened, I just feel terrified all the time. My whole reality has shifted. This ...thinghas been so out of the blue. I just ... I don’t know what to do.’
‘We’ll figure it out,’ he replies.
‘Will we?’
‘Yes.’
‘I hope so.’
‘I know so.’ He bumps me with his elbow, and although I realise that he hasn’t exactly said he believes my theory, I still thank God I have Laurence as a friend because right now I’d be lost without him.
We come to another halt, already finding ourselves back at the top of the gravel path that leads down to the car park.
‘Shall we go down?’ he asks. ‘Get some lunch?’
‘You’ve earned it,’ I say. ‘Listening to my mad ramblings.’
‘They’re not mad ramblings. You’ve had a traumatic thing happen to you, and I’m honoured that you chose to share it with me.’
‘I don’t know what I’d do without you, Laurence.’
‘Yeah, well, I am pretty great.’ He buffs his nails on his T-shirt and grins.
I give him a playful shove and we make our way back down the path.
‘So you’ve only met with Seth the one time since the wedding?’ he asks.
I wince at his use of Seth’s name for this stranger, but I don’t correct him. ‘Yes. When my parents brought him round to the flat.’
