‘It’ll be okay, Alice. I’m sure they’ll get to the bottom of things.’
‘Hope so,’ I reply. The psychologist also recommended that I see a colleague of hers who she said might be better placed to help me, but the thought of talking about it all with another unfamiliar doctor makes me want to curl up and sleep for a hundred years.
A young waiter comes over with our order, the plates piled high with colourful food, but, despite an empty stomach, my appetite has almost disappeared.
‘One chilli-cheese fajita with roasted veggies and one sweet-potato and feta taquito with a side of fries and a green salad.’ Thewaiter sets the plates down in front of us. ‘Can I get you any more drinks?’
‘This looks great,’ Daisy replies. ‘Two more Coronas please.’
We thank the waiter who nods and leaves.
‘You okay, Alice? You look exhausted.’
‘Probably because I am,’ I reply. My head feels tight where I scraped my hair back into a bun earlier. I reach up and twist off my elastic hair tie, freeing my curls and easing the tension in my head a little. I must look an absolute sight, but I honestly don’t care. ‘Anyway, enough about me,’ I say, nibbling on a French fry. ‘How are things with you and Martin?’
Daisy exhales noisily. ‘Yeah, fine.’ She starts cutting into her crispy taquitos.
‘Doesn’t sound like it.’ I give her an enquiring look.
‘No, it’s just the usual. He’s studying, I’m working, his flatmates are annoying, blah, blah, blah. But it will be fine. We’re still madly in love with each other so it’ll all be worth it in the end.’ Her face reddens as she realises she might have been tactless.
I skip over her embarrassment. ‘Sorry I wrecked your plans for him to move into the flat with you. I’ll try to find a new place soon, I promise.’
‘No rush,’ she says, but I can tell she doesn’t mean it.
‘Look, I don’t mind if he wants to move in with you now. I’m in my room most of the time anyway.’
‘Are you sure?’ Daisy asks, hope lighting her eyes.
‘Of course,’ I reply. But the thought of sharing the flat with a loved-up couple fills me with dread and I have to gulp down the urge to sob. Despite all this concern from friends and family, I still feel like I’m on my own. Everyone thinks I’m having some kind of breakdown and perhaps they’re right, but I wish there was someone I could talk to who made me feel safe. Or at least heard.
‘How’s your food?’ Daisy asks, unaware of the turmoil in my head. ‘Mine’s amazing. Want to try some?’
‘No thanks. Mine’s good.’ I place the tiniest forkful of fajita into my mouth. But it tastes of nothing. Like I’m chewing polystyrene. As I take a swig of beer to wash it down, I remember the main reason I agreed to step out of my misery pit and come out with my friend this evening. ‘Daisy ...’
‘Hmm?’ She looks across at me, still rapturously chewing.
‘Do you have any photos on your phone of me and Seth together?’ My heart rate increases as I wait for her reply.
‘Photos of you and Seth?’ Her forehead creases. ‘I didn’t get a chance to take any at the wedding ... Oh. Sorry.’ Her face reddens. ‘Didn’t mean to bring that up.’
‘It’s fine. But no, not at the wedding. Before that. Photos of me and ...’ I almost say,the real Seth, but I don’t want Daisy to think I’m losing my mind any more than she already does so I amend my sentence. ‘Photos of me and Seth from before the wedding.’
‘Um I think you might have sent me a few on WhatsApp, but they’re probably the same ones you posted on Instagram and Facebook.’
‘They’re not there any more,’ I reply.
‘You took them down?’ she queries.
‘Um, well that’s the thing. I didn’t take them down, but all my photos of him are gone.’
She stops chewing for a moment. ‘Gone?’
‘Yeah. I looked for them in my phone and they’re not there any more. So I checked social media, but those have all disappeared too.’
She gives me a doubtful glance. ‘How can they have disappeared?’
‘I don’t know,’ I reply, choking back a sudden wave of nausea.
