‘That’s so kind. Come and sit down, if you like.’ I wonder if she’d be quite so kind if she knew what I’d done.
‘Do you want a cup of tea?’ She opens up her capacious handbag and pulls out a couple of napkins which are now shedding flakes of pastry over the floor. ‘Oh dear, I’m making such a mess.’ She places the napkins on the table by the window. ‘You sit there, and I’ll get the kettle on, unless you want coffee?’
‘Tea’s great. I already had a coffee.’ I do as she suggests and sit at the table as though I’m acting a part.
‘That was a lovely evening, wasn’t it?’ She bustles about at the large dresser and I let her get on with it. ‘Did you enjoy yourself? I thought our finger-food selections were spot on. Everyone at our table was raving about the arancini balls. You looked like you were having a good time anyway.’
‘I did have a good time, thanks, Celia.’Until I wasn’t anymore.
‘You left quite early though,’ she says pointedly.
‘Yes, I know, sorry. I was just telling Dad that I think I overdid things. I was looking after Madeline – she had a bit too much to drink – and then I suddenly came over all tired.’
‘You do look a little washed-out this morning, if you don’t mind me saying.’ Celia brings over our cups of tea and settles herself opposite me. She’s dressed casually in a blue floral jumper, dark-grey jeans and navy ankle books. Her make-up is light, with just a touch of blush and a smear of pale-pink lipstick. ‘I knocked on Madeline’s door too, but I think she must still be asleep.’
Just like my urge to unburden myself to Dad, I really want to tell Celia what I learned about my wedding day. It’s like an itch I need to scratch.
‘Have one of these.’ Celia unfolds the napkins to reveal some squashed mini pastries. ‘The maple and pecan are delicious.’
I’m not hungry, but I make a pretence of tearing off a corner and popping it in my mouth. I can tell Celia’s not fooled; she raises her eyebrows and her nostrils flare delicately.
I leave the pastry and reach for my tea instead, sipping at the scalding liquid. ‘Being back here at the hotel has really brought back memories of our wedding day.’
‘I’m sure it has.’ Celia takes a sip of her tea. ‘Such a magical ceremony.’
I hesitate. ‘Do you remember what happened when I… passed out?’
Celia pauses mid-sip. ‘Oh, gosh, yes, that’s right, you fainted, didn’t you?’
‘But how did it actually happen?’
‘Well, of course I didn’t see it. I was downstairs with your bridesmaids getting my make-up done. That girl really overdid my eye make-up. I had to wipe most of it off. But that’s beside the point. Nick called to tell me what had happened. Asked me to come straight up and check you were okay. He was worried sick, poor soul. You gave us all a real fright.’
‘It’s just weird that I can’t remember it at all. One minute I was getting ready with you, Lou and Becky, and the next I was waking up on the floor.’
‘Well we found out later that you were pregnant with Alice, so that explained the fainting episode. I used to get very dizzy when I was expecting Toby. I fainted on a bus once. It was quite embarrassing.’
‘It’s weird, because since I’ve been back here, I think it’s triggered something in my brain. I’m starting to get flashbacks of that day. Only I can’t make proper sense of them.’ I need to shut up now. Celia has always been my go-to person to confide in. But I know she’s the last person I should be saying anything to. Toby would be so upset if he thought I was going to burden his mum with any of this. It wouldn’t be fair. ‘I just wondered if, as a nurse, whether you think my memories might return properly. Have you come across this type of thing before?’
‘Memory is a very unreliable thing,’ Celia replies. ‘Especially in your situation, where you have a blank spot. It’s entirely possible that your brain could create false memories that might trick you into believing they’re real.’ She picks up a custard crown and takes a bite. ‘Mm, this is heavenly. I’ve already been such a greedy Gertie this morning, but I can’t resist a good hotel breakfast. Sorry, as I was saying, memories are tricky little beasts. I know mine’s getting worse as I get older!’
‘You’re right,’ I reply. ‘I should probably stop driving myself mad trying to remember what happened. It’s just a bit disconcerting, you know?’
‘Well, yes and no.’ Celia gives me a smile and reaches across to pat my hand. ‘Maybe it’s your body’s way of blocking out an unpleasant thing. I mean, who really wants to remember fainting and hitting your head on a desk?’
If only that were all I was blocking out.‘You’re right, as usual.’
‘It’s nice to be right occasionally. Now, tell me, why aren’t you eating anything?’ As Celia takes another bite of her pastry, flakes drop onto her jumper. She brushes them off.
‘Well, aside from the flashback thing, I think I’m a bit hungover.’
‘Aah, that explains why you’re looking so green. You should have some more tea, get back into bed and catch up on your sleep. Hopefully you’ll have recovered by lunchtime.’
‘I’d feel so lazy doing that.’
‘Nonsense.’ She wipes her fingers on the corner of one of the napkins. ‘This is your anniversary weekend. You need to get better so you can enjoy the rest of it. Sleep will help.’
‘You sure you don’t mind?’
