‘Her phone number doesn’t work anymore. It says it’s not in service.’
‘So maybe she lost it. Or got a new one.’
‘But now I have no way of getting in touch with her.’
‘I’m sure she’ll let you know her new number once she gets one.’
I set my husband’s mug of tea in front of him and take a seat opposite.
‘Are you really that worried about it?’ he continues.
I pick at the corner of my sandwich, breaking off a piece of crust and squashing it between my thumb and forefinger.
‘Zoe?’
‘I’m just… I was over at Dad’s this morning, telling him about the baby, and he didn’t even seem that bothered.’
‘You know what your dad’s like. He’s low-key. He doesn’t make a song and dance about anything.’
‘I know, but it’s such a let-down. It makes me think about what things would have been like if Mum hadn’t died.’
‘Hey, hey…’ Toby comes around to where I’m sitting and pulls me up into his arms, strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. ‘I can’t imagine what that must feel like for you, but your dad still loves you, even if he doesn’t always show it. And your mum would’ve been incredibly proud of you.’
‘I wish she’d got to meet you.’
‘I know. Me too.’
‘Maybe if she hadn’t died, Dina and I would have had a better relationship. Or any kind of relationship. She’s like a stranger to me. I mean, what kind of sister doesn’t care about becoming an aunt? She doesn’t want anything to do with me! I tried to take care of her after Mum died. Tried to be a mother to her, I suppose. But she just kept pushing me away. Got annoyed with me whenever I tried to look out for her. What was I supposed to do? Just leave her to get on with things herself? She was only eleven.’
‘Yes, but you were just a kid too. It wasn’t your responsibility. It was your dad’s. Stop beating yourself up about it. Right now, she’s probably just off enjoying herself and has completely forgotten that you’re over here worrying about her.’
‘Maybe.’
‘Definitely.’
I extricate myself from his embrace and sit back down. ‘Sorry for being on such a downer. It must be the pregnancy hormones. Finish your lunch.’
Toby takes his seat again.
‘The thing is, I rang the hostel where she was staying, and they said that she left Thailand last year.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yeah, they said that she came back to the UK months ago.’
Toby takes another mouthful of sandwich. ‘Well we know that’s not true, because she was still in Thailand when we got married. Didn’t she say that she couldn’t come to the wedding because—’
‘Because she was still in Thailand. Yeah, I know. But what if she was lying?’
‘Why would she do that?’
‘I dunno. Maybe because she didn’t want to come. Because she resents me for some reason.’
‘Look, Zoe, I don’t know what’s happened with your sister. Maybe she’s lost her phone, or maybe she’s gone off the radar on purpose because she’s got issues. But whatever it is, it’s not your fault, and there’s nothing you can do about it. She’s a grown woman. You can’t let her selfishness ruin your happiness.’
I hear what he’s saying, but Toby doesn’t know the truth of what went on. And I can’t tell him. ‘I was thinking about calling the police to see if they’re able to track her down.’
‘I mean, you could try. But I’m fairly sure that it would be almost impossible for them to trace someone who’s been living abroad for however many years it’s been.’
