‘Oh, for goodness sake, Zo!’ My husband shakes his head. ‘I’m sorry but I can’t keep this up any more.’ My heart plummets as I wonder if this is the moment where he breaks up with me. But strangely, he gives me a sheepish grin. ‘You’re far too suspicious and you’re ruining the surprise.’
‘What?What surprise? What are you talking about?’
‘Well if I tell you that, it won’t be a surprise, will it?’
‘Toby!’
‘Please don’t spoil it. It’s our ten-year anniversary and I wanted to do something nice for us.’
‘You mean all this strangeness is because of an anniversary surprise?’ I’m finding it hard to switch from sick fear that my marriage might be over, to relief that my husband might have been planning something nice. ‘Is that why Madeline’s been avoiding me?’
‘Look, if I’d known that it would cause all this upset, I’d never have arranged any of it. I’m so sorry, Zoe. Madeline’s been helping me to plan an extra anniversary treat. If I’d realised you’d seen us on Friday, I would’ve come clean straight away. The last thing I meant to do was cause you any worry!’ He gives me a tentative smile. ‘I mean, me andMadeline, really?’
My heart is still racing with stress and I still can’t quite let my guard down. Not yet. ‘What about this weekend? Why didn’t she want me to have Freya and Beth?’
‘Because I asked her if she’d mind if they didn’t come over. I wanted you to have a break. You’ve been working so hard, and this party seems to have added a layer of worry to everything.’
‘It’s not the party, it’s the thought that you were lying to me and keeping secrets.’
‘But—’
I hold my hands up. ‘It’s okay, I can kind of understand why, now, but you can see why I was so distant this weekend.’
‘Yes, of course, it must have been— Oh, shit, the potatoes!’ He reaches over and turns off the hob, staring into the pan.
‘Don’t worry. We can mash them,’ I offer.
Suddenly we’re both laughing, and he takes me in his arms and gives me a hug which turns into a kiss, which quickly grows deeper. He takes my hand and leads me upstairs. I check on the children, who by some miracle are both asleep, and Toby and I fall into bed. We haven’t had sex this spontaneously for months.
Somehow, against all the odds, everything seems to have turned out right once again.
Afterwards, when we’re back downstairs having another glass of wine and trying to salvage the ruins of our dinner, I push away the tiny voice that wonders if Toby was being entirely truthful.
Thirteen
EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO
I stand on the wooden porch, knocking on the door impatiently, hoping and praying that my best friend Cassie is home. She doesn’t have a Saturday job, so she’ll either be revising or she’ll have gone shopping in Salisbury. I can’t wait to tell her my news.
At last, she pulls open the door, dressed in leggings and a baggy sweatshirt, her blonde curls pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. ‘Zoe!’ she squeals. ‘I didn’t know you were coming over.’ She flings her arms around me and we hug, even though we only saw one another yesterday. ‘I’m so happy to see you – French revision is doing my head in. Quick, let’s go upstairs before they come out of the kitchen and start trying to be sociable.’
I giggle. Cassie’s parents are lovely, and they always show such an interest in me and my life, but Cass hates it when they start talking to her friends. I think she’s embarrassed by them. If you ask me, she’s lucky. I’d rather have enthusiastic parents like that than disinterested ones like my dad. Not that I don’t want my dad. It’s just… it’s complicated. I follow Cassie up to her bedroom where she closes the door and bounces onto her king-size bed.
The floor is littered with books, clothes and make-up. I pick my way through the debris, slip off my shoes, and sit cross-legged on the bed next to her. ‘Revision not going so well?’
‘Ugh, kill me now. Can we please fast-forward to July when all our exams are over, and we have nothing but weeks of chilling out in the sunshine?’
‘Yes, please. I can’t wait.’
‘Why aren’t you at Waves?’ She always does a little wave with both hands when she says it. ‘I thought you were working today.’
‘I was. I’ve finished – it’s almost six o’clock.’
‘Is it? I thought it was about four. I’ve been swallowed up by revision all afternoon. Don’t know why I’m bothering because I don’t even need A-levels. It’s not like I’m going to university or anything, even though Dad’s now trying to bribe me to go.’
Cassie’s parents have said they’ll give her cash if she does well in her A-levels. They’re giving her a thousand pounds for every A grade she gets, and then she’s on a sliding scale for lower grades. It’s the only reason she’s bothering to study. Now it seems they’re trying the same tactic to get her to go to uni. I doubt it will work though – she’s got her heart set on heading to London and ‘making it big’. If anyone else had told me this was their plan, I’d have been sceptical, but if you knew Cassie Barrington, you’d instantly realise that she has the X factor. That certain something that draws people in. She’s magnetic, and I have no doubt she’ll achieve what she sets out to do. She always does.
‘Anyway, Cass, listen, I’ve got some news.’ I lean forward, excited to tell her about the strange ending to my day.
