‘Hey, you okay? Sit down, I’ll finish making the coffee.’
‘Are you sure? Thanks.’ I take a seat at the kitchen table. My left leg seems to be shaking uncontrollably so I try to still it with my hand. All I can think about is those photographs in the kitchen drawer, the images imprinted on my brain. I cast my mind back to the night in question. Try to remember what happened. But it’s all a bit of a blur.
The sound of a drawer opening makes my stomach lurch. I stand up suddenly. What if Ed opensthatdrawer and sees the photos? ‘Ed, sit down! It’s okay, I’ll finish making it!’
He gives me an odd look and waves a teaspoon at me. ‘It’s fine, I’m done.’
I sit back down and attempt to breathe normally, convinced my husband must be able to hear my heart banging against my ribcage. I need to make normal conversation until I figure out what I’m going to do. ‘So how did your shift go last night? Sorry I forgot to ask about it earlier. You had that big birthday booking.’
‘Yeah, it was good. Everyone seemed to like the new menu.’ Ed brings our drinks to the table and sits opposite me.
I need to respond. To carry on with our conversation as though nothing’s wrong. But my mind is filled with those shocking images.
‘How did it go with Rosie’s teacher this morning.’
‘I… uh.’Focus, Tia.My mind flits from the photos to my meeting this morning. ‘I didn’t get to speak to Mr Jeffries. He was with Rosie’s class, so I had to talk to the new deputy head instead. She didn’t seem to take it seriously at all.’
‘Really? Why, what did she say?’
‘Not a lot. Just some crap likeshe’ll see what she can do. Trying to fob me off.’
‘I hope you told her what’s what.’
‘I tried, but she made me feel like I was making a mountain out of a molehill. But then she didn’t see how upset Rosie was yesterday. And also, how would she like it if kids were going around calling her a murderer? She’d probably put them all on detention!’
‘Probably. Look, try not to get upset about it. Rosie went in happy this morning so hopefully it’ll all blow over. You know what kids are like, they bounce back.’
I nod and blow on my coffee. ‘I suppose.’
Ed carries on talking, but I can hardly concentrate on what he’s saying, my mind drawn back to the seedy contents of the envelope. I remember that I’m supposed to invite Rosie’s friends over after school, which means also asking Pip and Emily if they want to come too. But how will I be able to socialise with friends after receiving such a bombshell in the post?
I glance at my husband as he’s sipping his coffee, gazing out through the double doors without a care in the world, oblivious to the turmoil in my head. Oblivious to those photos in the drawer. I marvel at the idea that two people who know each other so well can keep such secrets. Ed has no idea of the nightmare in my head right now. He thinks everything is hunky-dory.
What would his reaction be if I showed him the photos? Would our perfect marriage be over? My whole body grows heavy at the thought. Ed and I have a great relationship. We’re rock solid. Neither of us would ever do anything to jeopardise that. Not ever.
Those pictures must be photoshopped. The alternative just doesn’t bear thinking about. The date on them is the same night I went clubbing with Kelly and Fiona last month – and yes I might have had a bit too much to drink, but that’s because I hardly ever go out any more and I was making the most of it.
I had a good time that night but got tired quite quickly. I jumped into a taxi and went home early. But if those photos are to be believed, I didn’t go straight home at all. I met someone, kissed them outside the club, got into a taxi, went home with them, got undressed and got into bed with them.Slept with them.Trouble is, I don’t remember doing any of that. And surely my friends would have said something if they’d seen me with a man. Unless one of them is behind it? But that’s anawfulthing to wonder. I’m obviously not thinking straight. They’re my friends, for goodness sake!
I inhale deeply, but this time even deep breaths won’t save me. I rush from the kitchen and into the downstairs loo where I heave my guts into the toilet, throwing up my breakfast and coffee until there’s nothing left in my stomach but air.
‘Tia! Tee, are you okay?’
I manage to pull the loo door closed behind me and lock it. I don’t want Ed to see me like this. I don’t want him asking what’s wrong. And I don’t want to lie to him. I’veneverlied to him. I don’t trust myself not to tell him about the photos. And if I do that before I’ve figured out who’s behind it, he might not believe me. And, right now, I’m feeling more than a bit shaky about the remote possibility that I might have slept with a stranger. Or worse, that he might have taken advantage of me.
Ten
KELLY
I stand in the school playground trying not to bite my nails or chew my hair. I haven’t done the school pick-up for ages, now that the boys prefer walking in on their own. The normality of it all seems alien – the little cliques of mums standing in huddles, the preschoolers charging around with footballs or scooters. I take it all in, feeling a mixture of anxiety and nostalgia as car doors slam and the breeze rustles the trees.
I notice Leo racing up and down the playground on his scooter. That means Tia or Ed must be here. I glance around, finally spotting my friend standing alone by the fence, staring off into space, her unruly curls framing her heart-shaped face. She looks so young and lost. That’s not like Tia – she’s usually surrounded by other mums. She’s one of those warm, friendly souls to whom everyone gravitates. Always laughing and making others feel great, so it surprises me to see her caught up so thoroughly in her own world.
I decide to leave her be, wanting to collar Ryan and Sonny as soon as I can so that I can firstly see how Ryan’s doing after today’s episode at school, and secondly tell them about Sophie.
When I returned from my earlier meeting with the deputy head, Sophie was still in the house, tucked away in the attic room, sitting in the rocking chair. There was no sign that she’d been into the rest of the house and she was still incredibly grateful to me. I’d got home with the intention of persuading her to contact a shelter or the police, but when it came down to it, I just couldn’t bring myself to turn her away. She’s a woman who’s been through something and she needs a break. I know how that feels.
Tia glances over and catches my eye, interrupting my thoughts. She doesn’t smile straightaway. Instead she looks hesitant, almost irritated to see me. I give her a short wave, but I stay put. If she isn’t in the mood to chat, then I won’t force myself on her. And anyway, it suits me not to get drawn into a conversation right now.Too late.She’s coming over, albeit reluctantly.
