But the more I’ve tried to find answers, the more dead ends I’ve come up against.
The doorbell rings, a harsh, hollow sound that only serves to ramp up my anxiety. I don’t have the energy to get up, but it could be important. Maybe it’s Sadie… I jerk upright and head downstairs, pulling open the door.
It takes me a moment to register that it’s not Sadie. It’s Amelia, looking her usual glamorous self, a bottle of rosé in her hand. She holds out her arms and I step into them, finally letting out the tears that I’ve been holding on to.
‘It’s okay,’ she says, coming inside and leading me into the lounge. ‘It’s okay, Gemma.’
‘Oh, Amelia. It’s not okay. It’s all awful. Everything’s gone wrong. And Robert’s taken the girls. I haven’t seen them since Saturday!’
‘Have you eaten anything?’
I shake my head. ‘Not hungry.’
‘You need to eat, or you’ll be no good to anyone.’
‘You brought wine. I could definitely do with a glass of wine.’
‘Not a good idea on an empty stomach. Come on, let’s go into the kitchen and see what you’ve got in the fridge.’
I follow her in like a helpless child – a feeling that is totally alien to me. I’m usually the one sorting out problems and taking charge, but it’s as though the life has been drained from my body.
She opens the fridge and peers in. ‘Fresh pasta. Perfect. That’ll take five minutes. Right, you sit at the table.’
I do as Amelia says, watching as she glides around the kitchen putting a pan on to boil and looking in cupboards for other ingredients.
‘Here, eat these.’ She passes me two cheese crackers.
I nibble at them slowly. Not tasting, just chewing and swallowing, chewing and swallowing. Trying to force each mouthful past the lump in my throat, tears still trailing down my cheeks. ‘Does James know where Robert is?’ I ask, my voice small and croaky.
‘I’m sorry, he doesn’t. Robert left James a message to say he’d taken the girls on holiday and that Diane’s gone with them.’ Amelia takes a wine glass from the cupboard and places it on the table in front of me.
‘So you have no idea where they’ve gone?’ I ask again.
‘None. I’m sorry.’ She pours me a large glassful and I take a deep draught of the cold, sharp liquid. ‘I left you a message on Saturday; did you get it?’
I nod. ‘Sorry I didn’t call you back. I just… I couldn’t face talking to anyone and—’
‘No, of course, it’s fine. I just hope you know I’m here for you whatever you need.’
‘I need my kids back! I need for Robert not to have slept with Sadie.’
‘So… did he… really? Are you sure they actually…?’
‘I saw them on the bed together, at Diane’s party.’
‘Shit. I’m sorry, Gemma.’ Amelia pours herself a glass of water and drinks it down in one. Then she pours herself another. ‘I seem to be thirsty all the time,’ she says. ‘And then peeing all the time.’
‘I shouldn’t be stressing you out with all this,’ I say, guilt flooding me. ‘Not with you being pregnant. You should be sitting down and taking it easy whileIcook.’
‘Don’t be silly. I love to cook. You sit there, have a drink and let me look after you.’
‘Thank you.’ Her kindness is making me teary again. ‘How are you anyway? Sorry I’m putting such a downer on your happy news.’
‘I’m absolutely fine. Don’t worry about me. I’m here foryoutoday, okay? So, has Robert really not told you where he’s taken the girls? That seems a bit extreme.’
‘He’s angry. When we left the party, I packed a couple of suitcases with his stuff and kicked him out of the house. Maybe it was harsh, but what would you have done if you’d found James with another woman?’
‘I’m not criticising, Gemma. I probably would have done exactly the same. Worse. I’d have got the scissors out and shredded the lot.’
