Katie lets go of my hand and follows after her sister.
‘Katie!’ Robert calls. But, unlike me, he’s smiling indulgently.
I run along the pavement after the girls, weaving between families. I see Sadie jogging towards us, waving, excited. Eva reaches her and flings herself into her arms. Katie gets there next. And for a brief moment, I swear I see a look of triumph in Sadie’s eyes.
‘Hi, Gemma,’ she says. ‘I hoped I’d catch Eva to say good luck. Hope you don’t mind!’
Yes I bloody do mind.‘Hi, Sadie. I didn’t realise you were still in the area.’
‘Oh, I love it down here, so I decided to stay.’
A thud of unease beats in my chest at the knowledge she stayed in Bournemouth. It’s a free country, but I wish she’d gone back to wherever she came from. It’s unsettling to find out she’s living locally. ‘Are you with a new family?’
‘No. I’m just doing some childcare and tutoring at the moment. A few of my students are taking the test today so I’m here for moral support and last-minute tips.’
‘Oh, which students? Anyone from Eva’s school?’
‘No. I doubt you know them.’
‘Hi, Sadie,’ Robert says warmly. ‘Lovely to see you.’
‘You too. I was just saying to Gemma that I’ve come down to lend my support to a couple of students I’m tutoring. I hoped I’d catch up with Eva to wish her luck.’
‘You’ve got a new job?’ he asks.
She looks at the ground for a moment. ‘Not a proper job, no. Just odds and ends. It’s harder to find a job when you’re not currently in employment.’ The accusation hangs in the air.
Robert shakes his head. ‘You can say you’re currently employed by us, can’t she, Gems? It’s the least we can do. We feel bad about letting you go, but Gemma was missing the kids too much.’
‘I understand,’ Sadie replies. ‘They’re such lovely girls. I miss them to bits. I hope you’re not cross with me for saying hello. It’s just, I put so much work into the preparation, I just wanted to wish her luck, you know?’
‘We miss you too, Sadie,’ Eva says, her eyes brimming dangerously with tears. This isn’t good for her just before she’s about to go and sit the tests.
‘I miss you too, sweetie. We had fun, didn’t we?’
‘Can’t you come back? She can come back, can’t she, Mum?’
I ignore my daughter’s plea. ‘Lovely to see you, Sadie, but we’d better take Eva in now.’
‘No problem, I’ll walk down with you.’
I clamp my lips together, hoping Sadie’s intrusion hasn’t distracted Eva too much. Both my girls are now holding Sadie’s hands, chattering away to her, leaving me and Robert to walk behind.
‘Sadie looks well,’ Robert says. ‘But it’s a shame she hasn’t managed to get another job yet. Do we know anyone who needs a nanny? Maybe we could help her find a new family.’
‘What the hell is she doing here?’ I hiss.
‘She said she’s come to support some other children, didn’t she?’
‘So where are they then? These mythical other children?’
‘They’ve probably gone in already. Why are you getting so stressed? Eva seems happy to see her.’
I can’t explain that the presence of this woman has set my heart racing and my head buzzing. That seeing my girls with her gives me a physical pain in my gut. That Robert’s defence of her feels like a betrayal. If I say any of this aloud I will come across as paranoid, jealous and bitter. So I stay quiet and hope and pray that this is the last we will see of Sadie Lewis.
Forty-Seven
Women like Gemma think they have it all. They parade around with their families like they hold the keys to the kingdom. So smug with their sickly sweet children and attentive husbands… but I know how quickly that can end.
