Chapter 44
When did I lose all hope?
When did I begin to realize that I was never getting out of here, and no one was ever coming for me?
It didn’t take all that long.
The island is very small. Smaller than the castle grounds of Ellyar. Otherwise, we’d probably take up residence here, since there are no predators that stalk the night. It’s mainly used as a secondary training camp for the soldiers of Ellyar. There’s usually only a few dozen of them, and they have their own barracks that they stay in on the other side of the island.
Here, the only things that haunt me in the night are my nightmares.
Phaedra and I are the only people in this tiny castle. It’s two stories high, and only as wide as perhaps our grand ballroom back home. Every couple of weeks, a ship will dock and drop off supplies. Yes, I’ve tried to sneak on the boat when they leave. I failed every time.
They tightened up security after several of my failed attempts, and the soldiers never come near the castle. I’m not sure if they have orders not to or what.
That rule was probably more strictly enforced after one of them found his way here one night, and I killed him. I didn’t want to. But he was attacking Phaedra. Forcing himself on her. It was obvious by her terrified screams, and I didn’t hesitate.
It was my first kill. Of an elf, at least. I killed that beast in the forest when Gaethri was slaughtered, of course. How could I forget.
And now that memory haunts me, along with all the others. Regardless of what he did, it still left a mark on me.
That was shortly after we arrived here, almost a year ago. Nothing has disrupted our days since. I almost wish something would.
I’m spending more time in the library today, with my bottle that I found hidden above the sink in the middle of an empty cupboard.
I’m deep in a riveting story about an Elven king and his journey to greatness, on my fifth eye roll, when I hear the door.
“I found your hiding spot far too easily,” I say without glancing up.
“I’ll have to try harder next time.”
My blood turns to water more frigid than the sea surrounding us. I don’t want to look, but I can’t leave my back to him either. I whip my head around as I stand, backing up.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I hiss.
Adrian crosses his arms over his chest, looking like he’s maintaining his patience for a petulant child. “I’m on assignment. And… I may have requested it. I wanted to check on how you’re doing.”
“I’m doing fucking splendid. Now goodbye.” I move for the door, but he steps to the side, blocking me. I halt before I run into him. I don’t want to fucking touch him.
“Get the fuck out of my way. I have nothing to say to you. As you can see, I’m doing great. I don’t need you checking on me.” I hold my hands out, the bottle in one hand. Because of course I’m not leaving that behind.
Adrian looks me up and down. I don’t miss the surprise in his eyes. I rarely look in the mirror anymore, so I’m not certain what he sees, but his gaze is very telling as it drifts over my unkempt hair, the bottle in my hand, my wrinkled pants, and the thin, stained white shirt that hangs off my frame.
As for him, he looks older. More filled out. Short, thick black hair lines his jaw.
“I came to make amends, Elysande.” His eyes meet mine, and he has the audacity to look at me like he wants forgiveness or something. Never. “I miss you.”
I approach him as I switch the bottle from my right hand to my left. He looks unsure, but he’s becoming more hopeful with every step I take toward him. I stop directly in front of him and look up at him with a smile.
“This is for her.” I wind my fist back, and I punch him in the face.
As my fist connects with his stupid, pompous cheek, a jolt of pain shoots through my hand. He jerks back as a surprised grunt slips out of him. Nothing more.
I take the opportunity to sidestep around him and dart out the doorway. “Stay the fuck out of my castle you piece of shit!” I call back over my shoulder as I scurry up the stairs and shut myself in my room.
He doesn’t follow.
Slamming the door, the silence in the room is deafening as my ears begin to ring and the anger and the sadness begin to rush in in a painful assault. I pace my room, shaking out my hand.
