Chapter 40
“I need to talk to you.”
“Okay…” I take a seat on the bed as Meela leans back against the wooden drawers in our room. Her expression suggests she may be breaking some terrible news to me at any moment.
She exhales and meets my eyes.
Then she freezes.
“Spit it out.”
She looks down at the floor, as if she’s going to summon some confidence out of it, then her eyes flick back up to meet mine. “I’m not going back.”
I tilt my head and study her. “What?”
“I’m not going back to Ellyar with you.”
“But…” A cold, icy panic invades my chest cavity. “It’s home.”
She shakes her head slowly, solemnly. “Not for me,” she whispers, glancing at the wooden floor again.
“Are you… running away with Raef or something?”
“No. It’s not like that. We’re… friends. Or something.” She shakes her head again, then straightens, steeling her resolve. “And it’s not really about that. We’re older now. I’ve seen some of the world, and I’d like to see more. I can’t go back there now. Now that I’ve had a taste of being free of… him.”
Her father.
Her father, who had the love of her life killed. Her father, who she’s faced every day since, pretending everything was okay. I’ll never understand how she managed to do it, but I respect the shit out of her for her strength.
“I’m sorry I didn’t know…” I tell her, barely above a whisper. I hate that she’s been suffering all this time and I never knew. I couldn’t be there for her.
“Don’t be. That was my choice.”
I look at her, knowing she’s completely serious. I have no doubts that she’ll do this and never look back. “Does Raef know? Daegan?”
“Just Raef.”
I nod, and then out of nowhere my eyes begin to burn, and a tear slips out and rolls down my cheek.
“You can come with us…”
I take a deep breath, then meet her gaze. She watches me wipe my cheek. “It’s so hard to be around him,” I admit in a whisper. “I’m in…” I stop myself. I can’t believe I almost spoke those words out loud when I haven’t even admitted it to myself until now.
“You’re in love with him.”
I shake my head. It’s a pathetic denial. Fitting, for how pathetic I am. “No,” I say weakly.
“Okay, well. You need to talk to him. Go stay in that room tonight. I don’t care. Work it out.”
“I won’t throw myself at him again. I’ve made a fool of myself one too many times.” Just because he’s decided to show me affection today doesn’t mean he won’t shut down again tomorrow.
“Okay. Then don’t go.”
“How am I supposed to make this decision in a matter of days?” I slump my shoulders forward, feeling utterly lost.
“Well, let me ask you this… why do you really think you need to return to Ellyar? Is there an actual good reason, or is it only because of your feelings for him?”
“That’s not a good enough reason?”
