He grabs my hand with both of his large hands, then turns his head to the side, holding onto it tightly. “Fuck,” he mumbles quietly as he avoids looking at me. And then he drops it.
I bite my lip as he sits down. I turn, standing right in front of him. He runs a hand down his face, then looks at me, his eyes full of clarity as they maketheir way up my body in a slow perusal. When his eyes reach mine, his chest rises with a deep breath.
I know that he wants this too. I see it in his eyes. I just don’t know why he’s fighting it so hard. Right now, I don’t care. I decide to be bold.
And I climb onto his lap.
His dick is hard beneath me. I release a soft gasp, and he stares at me with a burning intensity as I wrap my arms around his bare shoulders. How could he fight this when it feels so right?
He still won’t make a move. He just looks at me.
So I lean in, pressing my lips to his softly, and then I pull back.
Something settles in his eyes. He takes a breath, and then everything changes. He pulls my head toward him, our mouths now connecting with urgency. It’s better than I even imagined. The smoky taste of him, the softness of his lips against mine, how our bodies fit together.
I moan as his tongue enters my mouth, his hips thrusting up into me. He wraps his firm, strong arms around my waist like he doesn’t want to let go.
And I don’t want him to.
My hands reach into his damp hair, tugging on it as his hands squeeze my ass hard and push me down against his hardness.
I release a breathy moan into his mouth, my entire body beginning to ache with need for him.
“Fuck, Elle,” he says against my lips.
“I want you,” I whisper back, then press my lips to his again. “Just for tonight.” I know he doesn’t want more.
He pulls back slowly, his jaw clamping shut. And then he drops his hands, leaving my body aching with the absence of them. The look on his face makes my stomach fill with something heavy.
“We can’t, Elysande.” He turns his head away from me. “We just… can’t.”
“Why not?”I demand.
He sighs heavily as he runs a hand down his face.
“I can’t give you what you deserve. I don’t know what my future looks like. Saving my people is the only thing I’ve ever cared about…”
“Oh.” I take a shallow breath. “What if I just want…” I don’t know how to say the words. My gaze travels slowly down his torso, to his belt, and lower. My breathing is heavy as I return my gaze to his. I’m still straddling his lap.
He lowers his hand down the length of my braid, slowly, his eyes tracking the motion. “You deserve someone who will take care of you, be gentle with you. Lay you down softly and ask if you’re alright. Someone who isn’t risking fucking everything to save their dying people.”
My lips part. “And that’s not you?” I breathe.
“No,” he says quietly, gazing into my eyes again as he drops his hand. “That’s not me.”
“Well you know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think you’re full of shit.”
He gives a short, humorless laugh, then shakes his head. I see him shutting down through his eyes.
I climb off his lap, linger one more moment where I’m met with silence, and then I turn away. “Goodnight, then.”
“Goodnight,” I hear him mumble back as I storm off and shut my door.
Tears sting my eyes as I climb in bed.
