“Elysande,” he looks away, shaking his head and speaking smooth and low. “You have so much more power than you know. You could probably kill me with one glance.”
I stare at his side profile, unable to think of a response. Unsure of what to make of anything. The image of the deceased guard flashes in my head again. I haven’t forgotten it. It still haunts me every night. And now, I have this memory, the one of Raef near death at my hands. For a moment there, I didn’t know if I could undo it. And it scared the shit out of me.
I’m not sure I’m ready for all of this.
“Well, shit!” Raef calls out, snapping me out of my spiral. He stands, wiping his hand down his face as he approaches us.
“That was crazy!” Meela hollers beside him. She looks excited. Everyone seems excited. Raef has a wild grin plastered on his face.
And I just feel… dread.
“So you guys can still breathe fire even without shifting. Nice,” Meela says, far too casual for what just transpired.
Daegan’s gaze lingers on me, like he’s just noticed something. But he doesn’t speak.
“Why don’t you look surprised?” she asks, looking at me curiously.
I shrug.
“It can’t be all that impressive to you,” Raef says. “You can conjure flames out of the air, do cool stuff with it. We have to breathe it from our throats like animals.”
“Yeah,” Meela replies. “But I’ve never cast nearly that much fire. That was insane. And terrifying.”
They chatter some more, but I tune it out. Suddenly, I feel like I’m in a bubble, and everything around me is hazy and muffled. I see some fire shooting around out of the corner of my eye, but I don’t really know what’s happening. I’ve gone to a dark place. I’m suddenly thinking of all the things that could go wrong on this quest. My mind shows me endless possibilities of my friends dying in ways I simply can’t prevent as I helplessly try to save them. I know it’s not real, it’s just my fear taking form in my uncontrollable thoughts. I’m no oracle, I know that. I remind myself of that fact as I try to push the images away.
“Are you okay?” A voice breaks me out of it once again. Barely.
I know it’s Daegan, but I don’t look at him as I shake my head weakly.
“Let’s go,” he mumbles.
I feel the warmth of his arm around my waist as we walk back to the castle, just the two of us. It makes me feel a little better somehow. Safer.
“I’m okay,” I say out loud finally, mostly to myself, as we approach the castle. I’m starting to feel better after the walk. I don’t know what that was.
“You had a moment back there…”
“I did.”
He stops, facing me, and the absence of his arm around my lower back feels like I’ve been stripped naked.
“You don’t have to do this.” His eyebrows are lowered in concern. For me.
“I know,” I whisper, looking away.
When I don’t elaborate further, he puts his arms back where I need it, and we walk all the way back to my rooms.
He walks me inside, then stops inside the doorway as I take a seat in the front room.
He stands there in what’s probably awkward silence for a little while before he releases a long breath. “We’ll talk about it more later.”
I finally glance at him for a moment and find his eyes swirling with emotion. What kind? I don’t know.
“Thank you,” I tell him. “I’m okay,” I assure him again, attempting a smile.
His lips pull into a tight line, and though he’s usually difficult to read, I know he’s not saying what’s really on his mind. He nods, then retreats to the door and opens it. “I’ll let you be.”
He lingers for a moment. I think maybe he wants me to protest, but I don’t.
