We ride back in mostly silence. Raef tries to start a conversation once or twice, but no one else seems in the mood. I stare out the window the whole time into the bleak world. I look into the swirling, dark gray beast that’s loomed above us my entire life. All of our lives. For most people, it’s probably a normal part of life that they don’t think about often, but for someone like me who has spent her life buried in books, who has seen what the world was like before, it's hard not to think about the constant, looming evil that hangs over us. Sometimes, if I think about it too hard, I feel suffocated. Like it’s a living thing that’s dug its claws into us, into the ground, and won’t ever let go.
I shudder, looking away.
“So, ladies… dinner tonight?” Raef asks, trying once again to ease the tension in the carriage. He’s usually good at that, but I’m not in the mood today.
“We can start tomorrow,” I mumble, avoiding everyone’s stares.
No one argues.
When we arrive back at the castle, I say goodbye to Meela and offer an indecipherable sound to the dragons before heading to my rooms.
I just want to be alone.
I’ve spent most of my life this way, not really having anyone I was incredibly close with, and now it feels like that’s all about to change. Like this newfound group I’ve somehow stumbled into is going to become bonded in a way I never could have fathomed. Even my relationship with Meela, who I’ve known my whole life, already feels closer than it’s ever been. I think a large part of me missed the close relationship I could have had with my mother so much that I shut everyone else out. Like if I couldn’t have that with her, then I didn’t want it with anyone.
So tonight, I just want one last night to myself. To process. To prepare for the flirting I have to do with Daegan, whom I finally admit I have an annoyingly ridiculous attraction to. So much so that I can barely breathe right when he’s in the same room. It’s pathetic, and I need to squash it now. I’ve had a crush on Adrian half my life, but that always seemed unattainable as a young girl. Like a fantasy. And it never felt like this. This feels like it could quickly become all-encompassing. It could be my ruin if I let it.
We would never work.
As I lay in my perfectly warm bath, sipping a glass of wine—the normal kind—I almost consider sending for Adrian. A horrible part of me thinks that if I invite him to come keep me company, it will quiet this craving I have for Daegan. Perhaps any male will do.
But that would just make things messy for our plan, because tomorrow I need to start spending more time with Daegan, which would likely throw Adrian even further into a jealous rage than he already is. So, I erase that idea from my head. I need to suck it up and do this for the team.
Besides, deep down I know that night I spent with Adrian didn’t feel right. And I know that one glance from him from across a crowded room doesn’t turn the rest of my world blurry like another’s gaze does.
I pull on a robe as I step out of the bath, drying my long hair with a separate cloth.
A knock sounds at my main door.
My chest feels light, and I realize that suddenly I don’t care about being alone, and there’s only one person I hope is standing on the other side.
As I yank it open, my chest flutters more.
“Hey,” he says, leaning on my door frame. He towers over me as he looks at me through those thick lashes. His gaze seems less intense tonight. Softer.
“Hi.”
“Can I come in?”
I step aside. Words fail me.
I may be in a thin, silky robe with nothing underneath, but Daegan’s gaze doesn’t lower even a little.
Admittedly, that makes me slightly bummed. Some carnal urge in me wants his eyes all over me. Desperately.
He takes a seat on the cushioned lounger for two, looking completely at ease as he drapes his muscular arm over the side.
“Can I get you something?” I ask, my voice sounding high-pitched, confused.
“Sure.”
I raise my eyebrows at him when he doesn’t elaborate.
“Surprise me,” he answers with a smirk.
“Okaaay…”
As I fill another glass with the wine I was just drinking and top off my own, I notice Lemakis looking very perky, standing at attention. I roll my eyes. “Nosy,” I whisper.
