“Like it was always there, just buried by everything else,” I answer, feeling strangely vulnerable in the moment.
Even if I used to tell Zane everything before, it’s been a while since I felt like I could do that freely. He was the only person I could lean on without fearing consequences.
“Dormant,” he suggests quietly.
I nod while I consider what that means. My wolf wasn’t ever something I struggled to reach, as some did, and getting stronger happened over time, as it was always meant to. For so long, I always assumed that was it. I never imagined I could be capable of something beyond the pack and wolf culture.
Silence settles between us, but it’s not tense this time. It’s strangely familiar.
“I didn’t even know I had this,” I say after a moment. “I spent my whole life training, pushing, and trying to prove I was more than what I was born as. All along, this was just sitting there.” My jaw tightens slightly as it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. “If it had shown up earlier…”
Zane watches me carefully, already filling in the blanks. “You think they would’ve used it. Your father and brother.”
It’s not a question, and I release a quiet breath in response. “Of course they would have.”
In Wraith Peak, it was more like a code to not waste advantages. In whatever ways we can, we use them. It’s how we survive, even if it means making enemies of our neighbors on the island.
The thought prickles under my skin, uncomfortable in a way I don’t want to examine too closely. It was something I had always been aware of, but could never really face. It was taught to me as a necessity.
“Maybe it’s better it didn’t then,” Zane says. “For your sake.”
I glance at him, studying him long enough to register his sincerity. Oddly enough, it was a surprisingly optimistic thing to come from him, and in some ways, I can see how getting away has changed him.
“You’re different now,” I find myself murmuring before I can stop myself.
Zane just shrugs as if it isn’t a big deal at all, when in fact, it definitely is. “It comes with leaving.”
I look away again, focusing on my hand and flexing my fingers while I can still feel the echo of that power. Something in me wants to do it again, just to know I can.
“I need to get better at this. Preferably as quickly as I can.”
“Why?”
I shoot him a look, knowing it should be obvious, given what I’ve been saying this entire time. The very thing we’ve been going in endless circles about. “Seriously?”
“I’m asking.”
“Because I went my entire life not knowing I had this,” I say, allowing the frustration to creep back in. “And now that it’s here, I’m behind.”
His brows furrow slightly. “Behind who?”
“Everyone,” I mutter. “Anyone else who’s had time to learn, to train, to master what they have. That magic being used to suppress me was a wake-up call, and I don’t even know how strong they really were.”
He watches me for a moment, then nods slightly, seemingly understanding my predicament to some degree. “That’s fair.”
I exhale slowly, not sure why the tension eases just a fraction. I hesitate, not sure just how much I want to say to him, then I shake my head. “It was outlawed in most places, but not Wraith Peak. Other packs treated it like a threat and something too dangerous to accept, but we never did. We saw it as an advantage.”
“That tracks,” Zane says as his gaze sharpens slightly. “In a way, that acceptance in itself was an advantage.”
“Still, it doesn’t mean they respected it,” I add. “It just means they didn’t shy away from it and used people to get to it. I’m not exactly innocent in that, but I never imagined I’d find myself in those shoes.”
He nods absently to himself, and before long, we both get lost in our own thoughts. The room goes quiet, and all I can focus on is the knots forming in my stomach at the mere idea of anyone knowing about the abilities I possess now.
Before, I would’ve willingly volunteered that information to my dad if I knew sooner, but after witnessing how other magic users were treated in our territory, and how quickly my own brother could change the way he viewed me, I wasn’t so sure.
Eventually, Zane sighs heavily, breaking the mutual stupor. “I had to leave.”
The shift catches me off guard, and I look at him, finding his gaze fixed somewhere else, looking more distant than usual. For whatever reason, it almost makes me feel bad for him.
