River’s face crumbled hearing that.
“She’s spent her whole life thinking she’s your cousin. Hell, we did too. How you finna get out of this, Tatti? How can you make her understand this fucked up situation? Her favorite big cousin is actually her mother? Will she even want anything to do with you? What if she doesn’t choose you?”
The whole time River was talking, Nyla hadn’t said a single word. She just sat there with tears sitting in her eyes, completely still, and I couldn’t read what was going on behind that face. Couldn’t tell if it was pure sadness sitting there, or something closer to disappointment mixed in underneath it. She wasn’t saying nothing. Just shaking her head slow, over and over.
“Please say something, Nyla,” I begged.
“I honestly don’t know what to say right now, Tattiana,” she said finally, her voice far away, like she was talking from somewhere outside her own body. “I don’t know what to do with this. I feel like I’m caught in a matrix right now, for real. My mind ain’t processing fast enough to catch up with what you just told me.” She shook her head again. “I just don’t understand how this happened. I don’t understand how I didn’t know. I’m supposed to know everything about you. I’m supposed to be able to help you when fucked up shit happens. And I didn’t know a single thing this whole time. How did I miss this? How the hell did Imiss something this big? Now that I think of it, she does look exactly like you. I should have known.”
That broke something in me, hearing her say that. She was blaming herself for something I did on my own.
This was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, sitting there watching the hurt spread across both my best friends’ faces. I never wanted to break their hearts. I never wanted them finding out this way, this late, after years of me keeping this from them,and lying with my chest every single time the subject of kids or family ever came up.
And I knew, right then, looking at Nyla’s face, that I had hurt and disappointed them badly even though it wasn’t my intention, now was it mt fault.
—
“Whatever you need from me,” she said, looking me dead in my eyes, “I’m here, anyway that I can help. Anything. I don’t care what it is.”
“Thank you,” I said, my voice barely holding together.
“What is Kaseem saying about all this?” River asked. “I know you said he was ready and willing to take her from your aunt. He’s cool with this? Like for real good with it? Cause that’s a lot for a man to take on, another woman’s secret child showing up in his marriage. And when I say that, you know I mean no offense. It’s just, this is unbelievable.”
“He’s been more supportive than I ever thought he’d be,” I said, wiping under my eyes again. “He told me last night, that’s my child, and we gonna figure out how to bring her home. He didn’t hesitate on it. Not once.”
River nodded slow, taking that in.
Nyla still hadn’t said much of anything else since her last outburst, just sitting there staring down at the table, her leg bouncing under it fast, hands wrapped so tight around her napkin it looked like she was trying to choke something with it.
“I don’t have an appetite no more,” she said finally, standing up abrupt, pushing her chair back hard enough that it scraped against the floor. “Y’all can stay and eat if y’all want. I just… I need to go. I’ll call you later, Tatti. I just need some air.”
“Nyla, wait,” I said, standing up too, reaching for her.
But she was already moving toward the door, walking fast, her breathing getting shallow and quick even from a few feet away. I could see her chest rising and falling too fast, could see her hand shaking as she pushed through the front door and out into the daylight.
I went to stand up and go after her, but River grabbed my wrist.
“Sit back down, Tatti. DO NOT CHASE HER!” she said, her voice steady, calm in a way that surprised me a little.
“River, she’s leaving here stressed out like that and I need to calm her down. I need to go make sure she’s okay.”
“She gonna be fine,” River said. “Just let her have her moment. All this gonna blow over, I promise you that. You know she ain’t upset with you. She’s upset with herself, cause we didn’t know, cause we wasn’t able to help you carry any of this all these years. That’s what’s eating at her right now, not you. I know her better than she knows herself sometimes.” She squeezed my hand once more before letting go. “Give her the room to process it her own way. She’ll come around.”
I sat back down slow, watching through the window as Nyla walked fast as hell towards her car.
This didn’t go at all how I had planned. All I wanted to do was to get home to Kaseem. He’d know what to say and what to do. None of this shit was my fault, but for some reason I was catching all the heat and it didn’t feel good. For the first time, I was really processing how much my aunt had robbed me of, and I hated her for it.
Ihad the driver take me straight home after that lunch, sitting in the back seat feeling sick over how everything had gone down with Nyla. I sent her a text before we even made it out the parking lot.
Me: I love you. I want to talk when you feel up to it. Just call me whenever you’re ready.
She texted back a few minutes later.
Nyla: I love you too.
Her text was short, dry and to the point, but it was something. I held onto that the whole ride home. I appreciated River and how accepting and understanding she was. She’d always been the calm one. Nyla’s ass always needed to be in control andthis situation had placed her completely outside of that.I have never been the woman to kiss anybody’s ass, but I value my friendships. I’ve only ever had two real friends, so yes, I cared about their feelings and didn’t want to lose them.
When I got to the house, I went inside and immediately looked for my husband. Kaseem was still in his office, doing work I assumed. I was walking toward the door to go in when I heard him already on the phone, his voice low and cold in a way that stopped me right in my tracks.
