He stood up and fixed himself before he spoke to me. His after-nut demeanor was so sexy. “Yeah, I’ll make you a hot dog just the way you like it.”
That made me smile. I only liked bacon, onions, and mustard on my hot dog. I should have been on my way to the shower, but I wanted to talk to him a little longer. I sat at the kitchen island. “Um, I saw on Facebook the other day that Travis’s grandma had up a GoFundMe to raise money for his funeral.”
Scotty moved around the kitchen, not fazed by what I said. “Oh, yeah? I was talking to Grady the other day about howimportant child life insurance is. You don’t want to get caught out there if something unfortunate happens to them. Everyone can’t just dig in their bank accounts like us and drop money on a funeral.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel. When I saw the post from his grandmother, it made me dig a little more. Since the night that everything happened, no one brought Travis up, so I foolishly assumed he was fine. I should have known better. “Yeah, it’s unfortunate, but I think unnecessary what happened to him.”
Those words caused a reaction. His body stiffened before his shoulders rose slowly before they fell. He closed the cabinet that housed my indoor grill, then turned around. He strolled around the island, then sat next to me on the stool. His forearms leaned on the counter.
“Back home, there was this lil nigga from around the way named Ray, Raymond, but everyone called him Ray. He was this eleven-year-old boy who wanted to be like his older brothers bad as hell.” He chuckled at the thought. His head turned to me. “That would have been cool if his brothers were like upstanding citizens, but they weren’t. They were a pair of fucking jack boys. They moved with no fucking code or loyalty to anyone.
“I can’t remember those fuck niggas’ names, but Ray was well known in the neighborhood. At eleven, he was already a beast on the football field.” He sucked his teeth. “Waste of fuckin’ talent,” he mumbled.
I was so confused as to why he was telling me this story. The point wasn’t clear yet or what it had to do with Travis. That curiosity was what kept me engaged.
“One night, I was alone in one of my shops, and Ray’s brothers decided it was a good idea to rob me. I wasn’t sure what made them think that it was a good idea, but yeah. One of them was in their early twenties, and the other one was in hislate teens. Needless to say, I popped both of their asses with no remorse.”
I shrugged. “That’s understandable. I would have done the same thing.”
“I know you would have. Well, with all of that, what I didn’t expect was Ray to want some get back. Like a week after it all happened, he came into my spot and tried to shoot me. He ended up meeting his brothers in hell that day by the hands of one of my workers.” His body turned toward me.
“Blake, it was that day that I learned sometimes, you have to lay the whole bloodline down to protect yours. Travis would have come for you at some point. There was no way that any of us that loved and cared about you would leave him open to do that. One day, you’re going to have my children. My bloodline will always come first.”
He leaned toward me, kissed my temple, then stood to go back to his hot dog business. That was it; that was all. There was no need for him to tell me what I knew. I understood his stance, but it didn’t sting any less. There was no blame that I felt toward him. Ironically, I was mad at Travis. It didn’t have to be all of this.
It took Scotty and me another few hours to eat, fuck again, then get ourselves together to meet our friends. I needed this time with my girls, especially around this time of the year. It was tough for me. Q’amie was the only one who knew exactly what happened to cause the loss of my son. The other ladies just knew that I lost a child.
Tonight, we were in a VIP section ofClub Obsession. I wasn’t sure why we got such a big section. A part of me knew that our men may eventually show up. Most of them couldn’t go too long without being near their women unless they had necessary business to handle.
The vibe of this club was laid back. It was my second favorite club in the city. My favorite wasClub Lit. Their Boss Suites was something that no other club could compete with. Oh, and they had one of the top chefs in the city on their payroll. There was nothing like clubbing with a rack of lamb to eat while you do it.
“Aye, shake it! Shake it!” Iesha egged on Leydi as she twerked. It was humorous because when I first met Leydi, I thought she was a goody two-shoes.
She came across quiet, but I learned quickly that she took a minute to observe the people around her before she interacted with them. I’d seen her in environments where she didn’t interact with any of the women outside of us. Women who were in relationships with men in the crew would come over and spark up conversation. She would look at them like they were the sponsor child for the child left behind program, and George W. Bush had dropped the ball with them.
I giggled at the sight of it all. Leydi could legitimately be a stripper. “You got these niggas looking at ass that they can’t have,” I spoke over the music that wasn’t overly loud.
That was another thing I liked about coming here on a mid-weekday. The environment gave a place to come chill after work and socialize. The music was loud enough to enjoy, but low enough to talk.
Leydi looked over her shoulder. “Girl, if I was just standing here, they would want this ass.”She has a point.
Her thick frame demanded attention. My frame was smaller, but nonetheless, gorgeous. Little booties mattered. I worked outreligiously because the reality was that I was in these streets, which were male dominated.
Q’amie bumped my shoulder. When our eyes connected, she gave me a soft smile. “How are you doing?
My hand lifted my cup to my mouth to take a sip. I thought about her question.How am I doing? “I’m fine.”
Her jaw tightened with her eyes. “What does fine mean exactly, Blake? I know what Friday is. Have you told Scotty?”
A simple head shake. That was all that I had for her. I knew that I should have by now, but all these years later, I barely wanted to think about it. Hell, my son’s room was still behind a locked door in my house. My housekeeper and I were the only ones that had a key. “I’ll tell him at some point.”
“I think that some point should be before Friday. Blake, it’s not fair if you have a really bad day, and he doesn’t know why. If he knows why, he can better help you deal with it.” Q’amie made sense, but none of that mattered.
I huffed. “I’m not ready, Q’amie. I’m just not ready.”
The music seemed to mute in my ears as we stared at each other. It was a few beats before she broke her stare. “Blake, don’t make me have to be the one to tell him. I know you will think I’m wrong, but I will do anything that will help your healing. I think Scotty knowing will do just that.”
I closed my eyes. She was right, but the same remained. I wasn’t ready.
