“I never doubted it. That might not be strictly true, but when I did, I was angry and disappointed. Now, I know he is the best of men, the best of brothers—next to you, of course—and he will be the best of friends, if you allow him.”
Bingley nodded.
She retired soon after they ate, only to lie awake far into the night, occasionally sitting at the window and staring into the courtyard, thinking of Mr Darcy and what he was doing at that moment.
The following morning, Bingley absented himself to allow the sisters to speak privately. Elizabeth assumed the couple had planned it in advance, expecting she would be franker if it were just her and Jane. They sat side-by-side upon an old but well-maintained sofa in the parlour, the remnants of their breakfast having just been cleared away by a maid.
“What would you like to do?” Jane asked. “Bingley and I have completed everything that requires our presence in Derbyshire for the moment. However, we could remain longer if you wish to be near Pemberley.”
It was an effort not to gape at her sister. Elizabeth had not expected her or Bingley to think she wanted to intrude on the Darcys. She shook her head. “No. I am glad I was able to…do whatever I could for Miss Darcy, but nothing has changed. We ought to continue to Scarborough, do you not think? After which, you must return to Hertfordshire to see to closing Netherfield Park and arranging to remove to Larch Lane as soon as possible.”
“As soon as possible? W-why?” Jane’s brow gently furrowed.
Elizabeth chuckled and held her sister’s hand. “My darling sister,Bingleyis the unobservant one. You are with child, are you not? I have suspected it this last fortnight, or perhaps a little longer.”
Jane’s joy was evident in the pinkness of her cheeks and softening of her features. “I ought to have told you, but it is very soon. From what my maid and I estimate, I am weeksaway from feeling the quickening, but yes, I do believe I am. I would like to be settled in our new home before winter begins.”
“Christmas at Larch Lane. It sounds wonderful. How much we shall have to celebrate.”
“I hope we shall. But be serious for a moment, Lizzy. Are you certain about leaving the neighbourhood so soon? If Miss Darcy’s health was the chief impediment to you and Mr Darcy?—”
“It was and still is,” Elizabeth interjected gently. “You must see that nothing has changed. Miss Darcy’s needsmustcome first.”
Evidently, her troubled thoughts were reflected in her demeanour because Jane asked, “What is it? Please tell me.”
Elizabeth sighed. “My feelings were injured that he was not honest with me at the beginning. Last night, I dreamt of seeing him at your wedding. I woke up and was unable to sleep further. It left me reflecting on that day, and I think he was going to explain it all to me, but I did not allow him to speak. I heard only that his family were against his marrying me, and he had given in to their persuasion. I was furious and refused to listen to more. If he had told me then of his sister’s situation and what it meant for us, I would still have been disappointed, but I like to believe I would have understood, and my anger would not have been directed at him as it was for so many weeks. Even after he told me the truth last spring, I was still angry, then because he had not done it sooner! What is worse is that I know I interrupted him that day too. I do not know whether he had more to tell me, but I do recognise that I must learn to listen to people more carefully and let them speak, especially when the conversation is such an important one.” She rolled her eyes. “So much of my anguish might havebeen spared. I loved him still. I knew it soon after we met in town. I think I hated myself a little for that. How could I possibly still care so deeply for someone who would give me up just because his family objects to my lack of high connexions and fortune? I might have spared some of his sorrow too. He knows what I believed of him, what my sentiments have been, and it must have affected him.”
“If he came to you today and told you he had resolved it, that Miss Darcy accepted your union, would you marry him?”
How could she possibly answer such a question? In some ways, it was easy. She would say yes immediately, likely cry out in joy and throw herself into his arms. But imagining it might be possible was too painful to bear. After a long pause, she said, “I do not want or need to remain in the vicinity. Leaving aside what happened yesterday, you and Bingley had expected to continue to Scarborough tomorrow or the day after, if I recollect.”
Jane nodded. “I have been anticipating meeting Bingley’s family. After that, we have a long journey to Hertfordshire. My mother has been urging us to return. Since she does not yet know we have been searching for a new estate, she does not understand why it is taking us so long. I am growing anxious to tell her. I do not like to keep it from her or my father and sisters, but I do not feel it is right to give the news in a letter. I know you were unhappy in Hertfordshire last winter, and if you do not wish to go…”
“I admit that for just a second, I considered asking that you leave me in town with Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, but that is not fair to our parents or Mary and Kitty. I have not seen them in months. Papa has actually written to say he misses my company, and he assures me Lydia has returned to her lamentable husband.”
“You will stay with us at Netherfield,” Jane said decidedly, then her voice turned hesitant. “What of Mr Grey?”
Elizabeth took a deep breath and ran a hand over her face. There was no question of Mr Grey, and looking back on it, she acknowledged that there never had been, not unless he was content to wait a very long time. “Please ask Bingley to inform him that I do not anticipate marrying for at least the next year or two, possibly longer. I expect he will understand why without my brother needing to explain further. I genuinely admire him, but I cannot promise him anything at present. He deserves someone who can love him as devotedly as I know he will love his wife, and that will never be me.”
“You ought not to give up on finding love just because you and Mr Darcy cannot marry.” Jane’s brow furrowed.
“I have not. I am giving up on the notion that I might learn to love Mr Grey. There was a time I thought I might, and if we were to meet again in three or four years, and neither of us were married, then perhaps we would be able to find happiness together. I very much doubt he will remain single so long, however. He wants to have a family of his own, and he deserves it. I did not say I would never marry, just that it would not be for some time. If you do not take care, Jane, I shall accuse you of not listening to me. I begin to think you wish to encourage me to accept the first man who proposes so that you and Bingley will be relieved of my company!”
“Of all the times to make a joke!” Jane shook her head. “You know you will always have a welcoming home with us. We have said it often enough.”
“You have, and the only reason I have not accepted before now was my stubbornness and how disordered I have felt because of the situation with Mr Darcy. That is at an end. I shall endeavour to be useful at Larch Lane. Perhaps I shallteach your adorable children to be mischievous. I am certain they will be as beautiful and handsome as their parents and just as desirous of pleasing everyone. It will do them good to explore a way of being contrary to their natures.”
Jane laughed and so did Elizabeth. It felt good, and she determined to set aside her sombreness and embrace cheerfulness instead. It might not be easy, but she was tired of being unhappy, and believing she had done Miss Darcy a good turn, Elizabeth had reason to be satisfied with her sojourn in Derbyshire.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
The carriage ride back to Pemberley was quiet. It was not the appropriate time for a serious conversation, and soon after arriving home, Georgiana had retired. The following morning, she, Fitzwilliam, and Darcy sat together in one of Pemberley’s small sitting rooms. Darcy had chosen it because it was particularly bright and cheerful. Georgiana’s hands were folded together in her lap, and she did not look directly at either Fitzwilliam or him.
“I believe what Fitzwilliam and I would most like to know is why you felt compelled to leave the way you did,” Darcy said.
Georgiana visibly swallowed. “The day before, I overheard the two of you. You spoke of Miss Bennet and having to sacrifice a future with her. It was plain how much it hurt you to do so, and how much it still did, despite all the months that have passed. I thought if I were no longer here, you could marry her and be happy. I wanted that for you. I cannot explain why itaffected me so much all of a sudden. I have always known that you did not propose to her because of me.”
“I must bear some of the responsibility for this situation—perhaps most of it,” Fitzwilliam said.
