“I know we are not well-acquainted with each other, but may I ask you a question?” Lydia asked, her voice trembling a little.
Lord Harry turned his attention away from John and nodded.
“Of course. We are family, after all, for as long as it may last.” He winked. Lydia blushed, not quite used to referring to the situation in such casual terms. It was different for Lord Harry, of course, as he wasn’t living it, and he might actually have felt some sense of enjoyment, a little revenge for how Victor had prevented him from being with his love.
“Are people still speaking of us? I wish to know so that I can properly prepare myself for the ball.”
Lord Harry’s face fell which was all that Lydia needed to know.
“I’m afraid so. It really has captured people’s imagination, and they can’t quite move on yet. They still speak about how they all rushed through the house and found the three of you in the room. I think if this were something that had happened elsewhere, it wouldn’t be so stubborn, but people lived it, and they are keen to share the story over and over again because… well… it makes them feel important, I should think. It just shows how empty their lives are. I wouldn’t pay too much attention to it. Unfortunately, my brother is too sensitive to our family’s reputation and believes that if the family name should be stained then we shall all drop dead.”
Lord Harry’s tone became harsh and bitter. He caught himself before he said anything more and instead turned his attention back to John which cheered him up swiftly.
“Thank you,” Lydia said. She approached John and kissed him on the head. “I shall see you when I return. Be well and be happy.”
She bid Lord Harry farewell too and then returned to her chamber. Maids were waiting to help her get ready. They brushed her hair, cleaned her hands, placed jewelry about her person, and fastened the dress around her body.
It was the first ball she and Victor were attending as a married couple. Ordinarily at this stage she would have been giggling nervously while thinking about what suitors she might meet. There had always been a keen sense of anticipation in her heart because there was always the possibility that she might meet her true love.
Even though ball after ball and event after event had ended with disappointment in this regard, each one brought a renewed sense of joy, and the bright hope had never dimmed.
But now that flame had been fully extinguished. There was no true love for her because she was shackled to Victor, and so she wasn’t sure how she could look forward to the ball with any level of anticipation.
In time, she was ready and descended the stairs. Victor was waiting for her. He was dressed in a black suit with white gloves, looking dapper. His hair was slick and shiny, while there was a fresh scent trailing around him in the air. His eyes came alive when he saw Lydia, and it brought back the sensation that had passed through her when he first saw her in the dress.
Butterflies appeared in her stomach, but she reminded herself that he was only doing this to present a façade to theton. He offered her his arm. She took it. They walked out to the carriage, and he helped her inside.
“I’m glad we picked that dress,” he said.
Lydia was not sure what to say to that.
The carriage set off. The horses clopped steadily through London, the dim pallor of the city darker than she remembered. Lydia stared out of the window and wrung her hands together. She gnawed on her lower lip, a habit that Agatha had lectured her about repeatedly, yet she did not seem to be able to stop.
“Are you feeling unwell?” Victor asked.
“No, I’m just worried about John. Do you think he’ll miss us?”
“I’m not sure if he has any perception of time yet. I assume that is the case since he does not seem to care at what hour he wakes.”
“But what if he wants us and he cannot settle? I hate thinking of him crying, thinking we have abandoned him. He has already been abandoned once,” Lydia said, her voice heavy with emotion.
Victor exhaled deeply, not quite a sigh but close to it.
“I think you are projecting things onto him that he does not feel. Besides, Georgia is there to feed and care for him. He knows her, and he feels safe with her. Beyond that there are at least ten maids, and that is far more than is sufficient. I’m sure that they could look after ten babies if it was required.”
“But he isn’t just any baby, he’s…” She stopped short, biting her tongue. She had been about to call him ‘our baby’ but did not want to incur Victor’s wrath or hear him speak again about how John was a burden. While she was impressed with the strides Victor had taken to treat John with the attention he needed, it still felt to her as though Victor did this out of a sense of necessity rather than affection.
“He’ll be fine,” he said softly. “And he’ll only be without us for a few hours. I’m sure we’ll get back, and he’ll be just as happy as when we left. There’s no need for you to spend the evening fretting so please, put the thought out of your mind.”
“You’re probably right,” Lydia said, but the maternal instinct had quickly become powerful, and it wasn’t something she could easily shrug away. It was difficult to adjust to this shifting role, having been forced to abruptly turn from a debutante into a wife and a mother.
Even though she wasn’t either of these things, not really.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“The Duke and Duchess of Nightford,” the butler announced.
As their titles rang around the hall, all eyes turned to Lydia and Victor. Lydia had never felt such scrutiny before, not even when she had made her debut in Society. Victor tensed beside her, a placid smile on his face. Lydia remembered to look relaxed although she was not sure her efforts succeeded.
