It was Valentina who came to Ezz’s rescue. ‘Don’t be angry or upset, Thea. She’s had enough of that from me. I somehow turned all my Gary-rage on Ezz, refusing to listen to her reasons for me being left out of the loop and just being bitchy to her instead.’
After a long moment, Thea breathed out loudly. ‘OK. I can see why you didn’t tell me, Ezz,’ she admitted. ‘If it was while I was in Dumfries, scared to death that we’dlose the baby, I wouldn’t have thanked you for laying extra anxiety on me.’
Ezz had to swallow before she could speak. ‘It’s been horrible.’ A lone tear trickled down her cheek, chased there by all anxieties and disappointments of the last couple of weeks. But now wasn’t the time to rake it all up again. She regarded Valentina anxiously. ‘What’s going to happen, do you know? Is being apart temporary? Or … ?’ She let her question hang in the air.
Fresh tears quivered on Valentina’s lower lids. ‘I suppose that’s what I’m here to think out.’
They chewed over her situation in hushed voices, repeating, ‘I’d never have thought it of Gary,’ at intervals, then Thea reluctantly let Dev chivvy her to the car to drive home. She’d never got her planned afternoon rest and was in danger of yawning her head clean off. ‘OK,’ she said, as she let him help her into her coat. ‘But you’ll be here tomorrow, Valentina?’ Yawn. ‘Yes, I’m coming, Dev.’ Yawn.
‘I’ll be here if Ezzie doesn’t throw me out,’ Valentina promised. ‘I’ll see you then.’
After Thea had let Dev usher her out, Valentina let her head roll back to rest on the sofa. ‘I am sorry, Ezz.’
Ezz could now move onto the same sofa as Valentina. ‘I know. So am I.’ Her heart knew that it was everything they needed to say to each other on the subject for now. Perhaps forever. ‘I’m just so sorry about Gary being a rat.’
A tear seeped from under Valentina’s eyelid. ‘I tried to forgive him. I failed … but maybe I can forget. He’s Barnaby’s dad, and they love each other. Perhaps we can live in the same home and be civilised.’ She sounded incredibly tired.
Ezz, not having a child to put first, thought of Matsin Rothach Hall up on the headland. He and Inger were back to sharing a home with their two children, even if it was an enormous home. Despite everything that had happened, did part of him look at his children and think they were happier with her around? If Andreas was out of the picture, might Mats make the same pragmatic self-sacrifice that Valentina was apparently viewing as a possibility and return to the family home? ‘I can’t blame you for doing what’s best for your child,’ she said. She couldn’t blame Mats, either. She wondered about the woman Gary had had the affair with. Had she known he was married with a young child when she fell for him? Had she been able to help herself?
And did her heart hurt as much as Ezzie’s did?
‘After all,’ she went on dully. ‘I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent. At forty-four, my time’s almost certainly past. I hadn’t realised quite how much until Thea explained why she might not be able to stay pregnant.’
She sensed rather than saw Valentina turning to her. ‘Regrets?’
Ezz sighed. ‘Sometimes, when I see how parents feel about their children. I never made the decision not to have any, but the last decade went by so fast.’
‘The decade since the accident?’ Valentina asked carefully.
‘Yes. That changed my life in more ways than rejecting alcohol. I knew that if I met someone to begin a family with, I’d have to confess what I’d done, and what I have on my conscience. That’s a lot of trust to put in someone’s feelings for me.’
A log in the wood burner shifted and fell. A car passed in the road outside. ‘But you trusted Mats. What’s happening with him?’ Valentina asked. ‘I’ve been so wrapped up inmy own crappy situation that I haven’t even asked you where he is.’
Ezz groaned, though she was relieved Valentina hadn’t circled back to why Ezz had trusted Mats and not Valentina. ‘At the hall. And so’s his ex-wife.’
Valentina gave a shocked exclamation. ‘That sucks. How did it happen?’
As Ezz prepared to tell her, she suspected that neither of them would be early to bed. But it was great to have her eldest sister as a confidante once more.
