Chapter Twenty-Two
Ezz spent much of the run-up to Christmas alone, not even telling Thea that instead of working over the festive season, she’d abandoned the Larsson family to their own devices.
For a couple of days, she stayed in bed and read, losing herself in the lives of the characters that peopled the pages of books filled with glorious, happy Christmases, as if some might rub off on her. Mats sent a few messages:Thinking of you. Are you OK? Can I call?Eventually, she sent a terse,I’m fine.
Valentina remained stubbornly silent but for a Christmas card signed ‘Love from Valentina, Gary and Barnaby’ and a present Ezz placed on the mantelpiece, as she didn’t feel like putting up a tree. Ezz hadn’t tried to contact Julia or Iona any further, and neither had they been back in touch.
On Christmas Eve, she decided she was being pathetic and should get up and shower. Unsure what to do after accomplishing that feat, she took herself for a drive downthe Sleat Peninsula, right through Armadale Bay to park at a spot that seemed half beach and half mud near Ardvasar – just the place for a wintry hike. When she left the car, the iron-cold air stung her exposed skin and sleet landed like icy grains of rice on her coat. The sea was the colour of ice, too, and the mountains on the mainland dodged snowy heads in and out of pillowy clouds while ducks swam on the sea amongst the seagulls.
She didn’t feel Christmassy, but Skye was still beautiful in its wintry clothes as her hiking boots carried her away from the sea, and into the hilly scenery. Heather, bracken and the longer grasses had turned amazing ambers and ochres. A swathe of spruce and pine looked like a big green grin with an occasional dead tree like a bad tooth; and white birch trunks were spotted with lichen, like off-colour Dalmatians. Sheep munched unconcernedly on the hillsides, barely glancing up as she panted up the steep incline of their field.
When she turned to retrace her steps, she paused to admire the way the clouds parted to allow the winter sun to illuminate one particularly snowy mountaintop across the silvery waters of the Sound of Sleat. It was easier walking back down, of course, and peaceful with the rushing of the wind combining pleasantly with the occasional ‘Baa-a’ from a sheep.
The sharp air at least gave her an appetite. She stamped mud from her boots before driving back up the peninsula and over the moor to Broadford, watching the Cuillin Mountains drawing closer, Beinn na Caillich in the vanguard of her white-headed mountain friends. Ezz joined the thronged aisles at the supermarket to buy supplies for the next few days. She deliberately hadn’t made Christmassy suggestions to Thea and Dev, and theyhadn’t either, so she presumed they wanted a quiet time together. Then she crossed the main road to a café and found full Scottish breakfast was being served, complete with haggis and black pudding to go with eggs, bacon, sausage and mushroom.
After eating a healthy portion, she felt more herself.
When she finally reached home, she shouldered her way indoors with her bags in either hand and discovered an A4 envelope on the doormat, her name on the front. Dumping her bags, she found that it was packed with Christmas cards bearingGod JulandMerry Christmas. She read each one, unsure whether to be glad or sorry that she’d been out when the envelope had been delivered. Astrid had made a card depicting a wobbly Santa from her and Alvin – who had scribbled an A and a V and added something in brown crayon that Ezz suspected was meant to be Clive the donkey. Walter had crayoned a picture of a Christmas tree from him, Liam and Ronja, and Filip and Emil had managed a card each, with Christmas stockings on the front. Grete and Erik had written in a shop-bought card thanking her for all her hard work all year and enclosing a generous gift voucher.
Mats’ card she left till last. He’d found one handmade by one of the island’s crafters, a small watercolour sketch of Rothach Bay, with rows of cottage roofs peeping between the trees and tiny boats out on the water. Inside he’d written,I think of you every day.And added a long row of kisses. She propped all the cards carefully on her mantelpiece.
Tears wobbled down her cheeks because, too busy feeling the loss of Mats before he’d even left, it hadn’t occurred to her to write cards to anyone at Rothach Hall. She wondered who’d put the big envelope throughher door; whether the children had been there and been disappointed not to find her at home. And Mats. How he’d felt. She hoped he realised her absence from Rothach Hall was for the best now Inger had joined the family for Christmas. Just the thought made her heart feel as if it had lost a layer of skin.
Later in the afternoon, Thea rang. ‘Have you finished work for the day?’
‘Oh, um.’ Ezzie decided on the truth. ‘I’ve taken a few days off after all.’
Thea sighed. ‘Because of Mats? Oh, Ezz, I’m sorry it ended badly. But will you come up and FaceTime Valentina? I’m feeling much better now. Everything looks fine with the baby and the midwife says I should enjoy a gentle Christmas. Spend the rest of Christmas Eve with us. Dev and I have been baking. We bought this eating-for-pregnancy cookbook and it’s amazing. I feel full of beans. Well, I suppose I am full of beans, and broccoli, and fruit, nuts, and lean organic meat.’ She giggled.
Ezz forced her mind to think of Christmas foodie treats. And family. ‘Of course,’ she said brightly. ‘How lovely. Does Valentina know we’re FaceTiming?’ Wrapped up in her regrets, it hadn’t occurred to her that Thea would expect the sisters to spend virtual time together, but Thea had specified ‘a quiet Christmas’, not ‘ignoring Christmas altogether’.
‘Absolutely,’ Thea said. ‘She and Barnaby will be ready at seven, so wrap up warm and get your bum up here. I’ll mix you a festive mocktail and Dev’s put chocolate bananas in the oven. Don’t dress up because I can’t wear anything that doesn’t have an elasticated waist, or I have to leave the buttons open for my belly.’ Thea sounded delighted and awestruck at this indication of progressing pregnancy.
Ezzie felt an infinitesimal lifting of her heart. ‘Very happy to hear both about the chocolate bananas and the belly.’
So, she wrapped up warm as instructed and strode through the village, where a Christmas tree seemed to sparkle from every window. Ribbons of mist floated along the street as she pulled her collar higher against the burning cold. A man hurrying the other way smiled and called, ‘Merry Christmas, Ezz,’ and she realised it was Gus, one of the Regular Drinkers from the pub.
She called back, ‘Merry Christmas,’ as if it was merry. Then she offered the same greeting to two couples also heading towards the Jolly Abbot, and a woman clutching a handful of envelopes, presumably engaged in last-minute Christmas card deliveries.
Ten minutes later, Ezz was ensconced before the fire in Thistledome, with Thea presenting her with a cranberry mocktail, and Dev passing her a plate containing a long foil parcel. ‘I made you your favourite.’ He grinned, his teeth white through his dark stubble.
‘Yum, chocolate baked banana.’ Ezz lost no time unwrapping her treat, warm and soft, with melted chocolate oozing from a slit down the middle of the fruit. ‘Oh, my,’ she breathed, taking a forkful. ‘It’s delicious.’ Daisy the fluffy dog sat at Ezz’s feet, gazing fixedly at the plate as if hoping the contents would roll off and into her mouth.
‘And very healthy if it’s made with good-quality chocolate,’ Thea assured her, picking up her own fork. ‘Or, at least, not toounhealthy.’
Ezz halted, her own fork poised, while she studied her sister critically. ‘Thea,’ she breathed in awe. ‘You’reshowing.’
Blushing, Thea cupped her stomach. ‘I’m fifteen-and-a-half weeks, so I’m allowed to show, aren’t I?’ Then the two sisters were hugging, trying to keep their plates level so as not to drop their bananas and let Daisy get the chocolate, which was very bad for dogs.
‘I’m so thrilled for you. You’re going to be such an awesome mum,’ Ezz choked, feeling a belated stirring of Christmas spirit. All her problems, however hurtful or insurmountable, could not outweigh her joy that Thea had been able to keep her baby. She emerged from the hug with tears on her cheeks. ‘Look at me getting all emosh.’
They finished their bananas, but then Thea received a text. She frowned. ‘Valentina’s not available this evening after all. She says: “This evening’s crazy. Will explain tomorrow.” Bummer,’ she added disappointedly.
Although, in one way, Ezz felt as if she’d received a reprieve from having to talk to Valentina in front of Thea and pretend that everything was normal, she also wondered whether Valentina had simply felt unequal to faking a smile for Ezz. ‘Oh, dear,’ she commiserated. Then she feigned needing a bathroom break so she could text Valentina without Thea knowing.
If you’ve put off FaceTiming because of me, why don’t you FT Thea first thing in the morning, on her own? We can pretend you did the same for me, if you want.And she added two kisses, because she wanted Valentina to know she still loved her, despite Ezz having been sent to live in the doghouse.
The reply arrived as she was washing her hands.It’s not that. X
