At dinner, Ezz was aware of Thea and Dev exchanging looks and knew herself to be abnormally subdued and abstracted. She picked at her food. Her tiny table wasn’t meant for three, especially when one was Deveron’s size, so she’d brought her patio set indoors and set it up in the lounge and set the fairy lights twinkling. Now she could see the sofa and kept remembering Monday evening curled up there with Mats, his body warm against hers as he stroked her hair.
When Thea dropped her cutlery and blurted, ‘Ezz, is it Christmas?’ it startled her from her despondency. Daisy, who’d been dozing before the fire, jumped up and glared around the room.
Ezz blinked. ‘It’s six more days to Christmas,’ she answered uncertainly.
But Thea’s brown eyes were anxious. ‘I meant, are you upset because Valentina won’t come for Christmas as I need a quiet time?’
Dev looked apologetic too, though he slipped an arm about Thea. ‘We’re sorry if it means a boring Christmas for you. We’re probably being overcautious, but if Thea doesn’t rest, and then something happens …’
Guilt flooded Ezzie, asshewas the one who’d made Valentina change her plans and then use Thea needing rest as a convenient excuse. ‘I’m not upset. I’ve been to the post office in Armadale to send the gifts for Valentina and family.’ Not letting it show on her face how it had hurt to wrap games for Barnaby and clothes for Valentina and Gary in shiny paper, knowing she wouldn’t see them opened, she patted Thea’s arm, and then because Dev’s hand was on Thea’s shoulder, patted that too. ‘The baby’s much more important than Christmas. And you know I have loads to do with the Larsson family in situ.’
Thea regarded her beadily. ‘So, why are you so quiet? It’s as if something terrible has happened.’
A vision rose of Inger the Entitled wafting around giving Ezz orders, and she suppressed a shudder. Balling up her napkin, she let out a groan. ‘Mats’ ex-wife turned up today and I’m pretty sure that ends things between Mats and me. And I feel so bloody uncomfortable under her supercilious nose. I was just wondering whether to put up with her bossing me about or to have pretend-flu until she’s gone.’ She pictured herself taking to her bed for a couple of weeks with a stack of Christmas reads. Quite appealing, actually …
Thea sat up straight, eyes wide. ‘There are “things” between Mats and you?’ She wagged her eyebrows. ‘Thing-type things?’
Belatedly, Ezz remembered that Thea had been away. She settled her chin glumly on her fist. ‘Yes, those things. A winter romance until he goes back to Sweden.’
‘Ooh.’ Thea contemplated her sister with twinkling eyes. ‘Wow. You have been busy.’ A frown replaced her smile. ‘But if he’s divorced, his ex-wife being around should count for nothing.’
Ezz shrugged. ‘Of course he’s divorced, but he’ll do what’s best for the children. He’s made that clear. Do you remember being a small child? How would you have coped with both your parents in the same house, and a girlfriend around, too? He won’t want it and neither do I.’
Seeing Thea was about to argue, she changed direction. ‘Anyway, I’ve something more important to discuss. I didn’t want to say anything till you were safely home, and I could see with my own eyes that you were OK.’
Thea’s hand went to cover Dev’s. ‘What?’ she asked apprehensively.
‘It’s nothing awful,’ Ezz hastened to assure her, thinking that at some time Thea would have to learn that Valentina was now in possession of the truth about the accident, and was scarcely talking to Ezz. But not while Thea’s pregnancy was vulnerable. Ezz didn’t want Thea to get even a hint ofthatupset. ‘I had a letter from my birth sisters. I thought … can I show it to you?’
Thea breathed, ‘Oh, blimey, yes,’ managing to look relieved, apprehensive and agog, all at once. ‘Do they seem OK? Do they want to meet you?’ Then, expectantly, ‘What does Valentina think?’
Ezz hurried into the hall where she’d left her bag so Thea couldn’t see her face. ‘I haven’t talked to Valentina. I only received it a few days ago.’ She returned with the cream-coloured envelope and handed it over.
Thea took out the sheets of paper and she and Dev pored over them, their heads close together and arms touching. The written word didn’t come easily to Thea, and she frowned as she read. Finally, she lifted apprehensive eyes. ‘This reminds me of when I first saw a photo of Ynez. You have the evidence of your birth family right there, but it feels unreal. You know your adoptive family is your real family, but still doubts and questions float into your mind.’ Thea slipped her arms around Ezz. ‘It’s OK to have a birth family, Ezz. I know my birth mother, Ynez, is a bit of a character, but I’ve enjoyed connecting with her. It’s kind of poignant that Julia and Iona say your birth parents were scared. It humanises them, doesn’t it?’
Ezz nodded, fighting a lump in her throat at the sympathy in Thea’s voice. Shrugging as best she could in the middle of her sister’s bear hug, she admitted, ‘Maybe.’
Thea sat back. ‘Let’s FaceTime Valentina. I’ll bet she says the same.’ She beamed at the prospect, because that’swhat the three sisters were used to doing – talking things out, even when they were geographically distant.
Ezz cast about for an excuse. Facing Valentina even on screen filled her with dismay, which made her feel sad, but also awoke her anger that Valentina hadn’t made the least attempt to understand why Ezz and Thea had kept their secret from her. ‘You’re tired,’ she prevaricated. ‘And to be honest, tonight I just need to process what’s going on with Mats and feel sorry for myself.’
Thea looked sympathetic, but then smothered a yawn. ‘OK. I suppose you’re right. My appointment with the midwife is at nine a.m. so I can’t lie in. Just—’ she hugged Ezz again ‘—I’m sure Valentina will agree you shouldn’t hold back because of us.’
Dev helped Ezz carry the patio table back outside, their breath hanging in clouds in the wintry air, then he and Thea got their coats and clipped Daisy’s lead to her tartan collar. Ezz hugged them goodbye, so glad for them that they still had a happy event to look forward to.
After they’d gone, it didn’t take her long to clear the dishes. Then she settled on the sofa. She’d been ignoring Mats’ messages, but now she read them all.I had no idea … Inger’s appalling behaviour … I need to talk to you …And, just a few minutes ago:I know it’s getting late, but can I call you?
Closing her eyes, she tried to get a sense of what she should do. Surely it would be better to accept the end had come early for her and Mats and be philosophical about it … ? But somehow, her eyes opened, and she found herself typing,OK.
Immediately, her phone rang. Contrarily, she felt like declining the call, in case he confirmed her own thoughts that it was better to call a halt. Licking her lips, sheanswered. ‘Hi.’ It came out as a croak, and she hoped he didn’t think she’d been crying.
‘Ezzie.’ His voice was a caress. ‘I’m so sorry Inger turned up. She says she’s quarrelled with Andreas and misses her children more than she anticipated. I had to stay home tonight to manage the situation. I’m sorry I let you down.’ He paused, and she pictured him raking his fingers through his hair. ‘I’m afraid … look, I might as well be up front.’
‘OK.’ She braced herself.
But his words weren’t about accepting a premature end to their winter romance at all. Instead, he said, ‘Josefin’s been feeding Inger information, so Inger knew I was seeing you, and that the children like you. I think that last bit’s alarmed her.’
‘Oh.’ Ezz took a moment to process this unexpected information. ‘I understand how Inger might feel uncomfortable.’ Especially in view of Ezz being a member of staff, with no blue blood or gold-plating or whatever Inger valued.
