Valentina shoved her away and scrabbled in her pocket for a tissue. She mopped her eyes, blew her nose and gave a great sniff. ‘Why was I excluded?’
Slowly, Ezz rose. She’d expected demands for explanations of Ezz’s sin, not recriminations for protecting Valentina. Her hands clenched. ‘Because it would have put you in a tricky position. You’re a lawyer.’
Valentina rose, found her coat in the front room, and withdrew a travel pack of tissues from the pocket. It was very Valentina compared to the couple of sheets of kitchen roll Ezz usually carried around. She blew her nose again then turned to face Ezz, perfectly composed apart from red eyes. ‘What does that matter? Are you going to let me into the secret now? Or not?’
Ezz almost snapped, ‘Not,’ because she felt prickly and cornered, in the wrong but not confident of a sympathetic hearing from a clearly furious and upset elder sister. It reminded her of childhood spats over what Valentina saw as the natural role of the eldest while Ezz termed it bossiness. But she tried to put herself in Valentina’s place and realised that she was anguished by Ezz and Thea keeping a secret.
At her hesitation, Valentina began to put on her coat. ‘Your silence is my answer, even though Mats – a stranger you don’t even like – assumed you’d told me whatever it is.’
Ezz sighed. ‘He’s no longer a stranger and I do like him, but that’s not the point. The point is that Thea and I did something criminal, OK?’
Valentina stilled, eyes wide but mouth still a furious line, while Ezz confessed. ‘It was me who was driving. I’d beenpartying the night before, so I thought I’d probably be over the drink-drive limit. Thea offered to pretend she’d been behind the wheel, because she was adamant that I’d go to prison. I let her. I brought trouble to Thea that I’ve regretted ever since.’
‘I think you would have gone to prison,’ Valentina said in a shocked voice. ‘You’d lost your driving licence for drink-driving before. Someone was hurt.’
‘Yep.’ Ezz snipped her off. ‘I know it. You don’t have to lecture me.’
‘What the hell did you think I’d do? Turn you in?’ Valentina barked.
‘No,’ Ezz barked back. ‘I thought you’d be embarrassed, mortified and ashamed. We tried to protect you. Lawyers don’t generally want their relatives in prison, do they?’
‘You didn’t go to prison.’ Valentina was only getting angrier.
‘Because I compounded my possible offence by covering it up. Just out of interest, what would you have said if I had come to you?’ Ezz met her sister’s blazing eyes. ‘That I’d been stupid? That I shouldn’t have accepted Thea’s help? That I should expect a prison sentence? Fuck it, Valentina, Iknow. What good would it have done to put the whole sorry mess on your conscience, too?’
Fresh rain spat against the window, making marks in the salty dirt. Gulls bickered. The atmosphere inside Overlook Cottage became colder. ‘We’ll never know, will we?’ Valentina said at last. ‘My view of what happened is clouded by a decade of being left out.’
‘It’s not a party we didn’t invite you to,’ Ezz wailed, exasperated. ‘We were trying not to involve you in something bad we’d done. And please don’t be angry with Thea. She did what she did for me.’ She felt suddenly exhausted bythe emotion of the day, by the sex of the previous night, even by being well overdue her lunch. ‘I’m sorry you’re upset. I’m so, so sorry. If I could go back, I would refuse Thea’s help and take my chance with the breathalyser. I still wouldn’t drag you into my shitty mess, though.’
Valentina finished putting on her coat and pulled a hat from her pocket. ‘We won’t go out tonight because I won’t be able to treat you normally. I’ll tell the others you have stomach ache.’ She pulled on the hat and tucked in stray hairs.
Although aware that she was being dismissed, Ezz held her ground. ‘Don’t you see why I didn’t tell you?’
‘Because you thought I wouldn’t be able to keep the secret?’ Valentina asked in a hard voice.
‘No. The same reason I should imagine you’re not going to tell Gary. You’re ashamed. Plus, it would put him in a difficult situation because he’s a lawyer too.’
Valentina strode to the front door and yanked it open. ‘He isnotyour sister.’
‘And also,’ Ezz said pointedly, as she stalked through the open door, ‘Gary would have a strong opinion and judge us. He might even try and make decisions without discussion.’ Even as she made the dig, she knew she was making the situation worse, but she couldn’t seem to stop her anger pouring from her mouth.
Valentina sent her a particularly fierce glare. ‘I suppose you mean because I just made a decision about dinner tonight.’
‘Exactly. You thought you knew best so you acted. You’re probably right that we shouldn’t go out to dinner, but don’t pretend you might have had useful advice when I made a huge mistake and panicked.Because there was no way out of the mess.’
Then she pulled up her hood, put down her head and trailed home in tears.
It was much later in the afternoon, when she’d soaked in a hot bath and then comforted herself by eating both desserts from last night, that she checked her phone and found a string of texts and voicemails from Mats, all of theso incredibly sorryandfeel like a shitvariety.
She texted back.Not really your fault.
Can I see you? Or call?he returned.
Not feeling great,she replied, truthfully but ambiguously.
Because you’re so close to your sisters I stupidly assumed I knew what Valentina meant. Of course, there’s a big difference between sharing the secret with the sister involved and with the one not involved. I’m a moron.Screaming emoji.Is Valentina very upset?
For several minutes, Ezz contemplated returning,Yes, stupid assumption. Yes, you’re a moron. YES, she’s upset!Eventually she just returned,Can’t change history. I’ll be at work on Monday.She didn’t want to see him tonight or the second advent Sunday gathering tomorrow at Rothach Hall. Her first priority was to sit down with Valentina and talk properly. She could hear the echo of her father Vince when she and Valentina had butted heads as children.The trouble is with you two that you both think you’re right, and that’s rarely possible.And he would slip his arms around them and gently referee two strong characters sharing equally strong opinions.
