It was peculiar to be in a haze of happiness and a nightmare of misery at the same time.
Diane tracked back to the car in the afternoon breeze on wobbly legs, not knowing whether to sing or weep. Nobody would know, if she cried, that she was crying for James and the big emptiness that the joy of Unity’s contract had not filled up.
At the car park she was only half-surprised to find him leaning on her car boot. Glowering.
‘I’ve spent hours looking for your Peugeot,’ he said, sourly. He took her key and opened the boot then took the clothes, lying them as flat as possible without having to be told. His forehead was a frown and his slate eyes didn’t smile at all.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, unhappily. ‘I told you really badly, didn’t I?’
‘Brutally. I still need to talk to you, even if it’s to work out how we’re not going to have an affair, rather than how we are.’
She sighed and followed him to a pub. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in a pub in the afternoon. But she ordered a glass of wine when he asked for a bottle of beer and they sat at a small round table on an inadequately padded bench as far from the few other patrons as possible.
‘What if I were to leave Valerie?’ he demanded.
She gazed at the grim resolve in his eyes and wanted to slide comforting arms around his firm body. Instead, she said, gently, ‘But you don’t think that’s the right thing to do, do you? Tamzin’s doing better but she’s so terribly brittle. She wouldn’t cope. James, think how we’d feel if she crashed back into depression and began on her arms. Or worse. You might not feel guilty about Valerie but you would about Tamzin.’
‘I don’t feel guilty about Valerie.’ But he didn’t disagree about Tamzin. His glance flickered over her face. ‘So you’re going to stay with your lying, deceitful husband and I’ve got to stay with a wife who doesn’t much like me? And do without each other?’
Under the table she took his hand and felt his electricity cross to her body. His flesh was warm and smooth and strong. ‘I think that that is exactly what we have to do. At least for now. Until Bryony and Tamzin can stand on their own feet.’
‘But we could make each other happy.’
‘And all the people we love unhappy,’ she whispered.
There didn’t seem to be much more to say. She blew her nose a couple of times and told him glumly all the marvellous, wonderful news about the Unity’s contract and he turned his stormy eyes to her and told her, grimly, how pleased he was.
‘You’ll need some capital,’ he pointed out.
She sighed. She’d shoved that aside to think of later. ‘I will, especially if I’m going to pay somebody to help me with the basics, and that’s before I start thinking about materials or what I’m going to live on. Maybe I’ll go to the bank.’
‘You don’t want to use Gareth’s money?’
She was shaking her head before the sentence had ended.
‘I can lend you what you need. Say £5,000, so that you don’t have to worry until you get your first big cheque.’
She burst into tears. ‘I couldn’t do that but you’re so kind,’ she sobbed.
‘I don’t feel kind,’ he snapped. ‘I feel like shaking you.’
He watched her until he couldn’t stand to see her shoulders trembling any more. ‘I suppose that if you’re going to a bank you’ll need a business plan,’ he said, eventually, to distract her.
‘Yes,’ she sniffed, emerging from her tissues, ‘but I don’t know what one is.’ Her eyes were pink.
‘They’re quite easy. Especially for such a small venture. You can find templates on the Internet.’
‘If you have a computer,’ she agreed, dolefully. ‘Maybe the bank has a form.’
‘I could give you a few headings and you could just fill it in.’
Her eyes swivelled to him hopefully, and she blew her nose. ‘Really?’
‘Really,’ he sighed. He wished he could stop being the guy who wore the white hat but when she looked at him as if he’d just solved all her problems … He searched through his pockets and came out with a folded envelope. Diane found a pen with a broken end, in her bag.
‘Introduction.’ He underlined the word. ‘Just give them an overview of what you’re going to do. Business opportunity.’ He underlined that, too.
‘What’s that mean?’
