She pulls away, and I watch contradictory feelings dance in her eyes. She wants me to be safe, but she also wants me to be happy.
“I can’t just stand here and do nothing while you put your life in danger,” she says.
“I’d be doing it for him,” I say. “For love.” It’s the first time I say the word out loud, and it’s easier than I expected. “For the chance at it. Is that so terrible? Isn’t love the one thing that’s actually worth risking my life for?”
Darina shakes her head slowly.
“I know it’s your decision, but it’s the most dangerous decision you’ve ever made. I thought you were reckless when you told me about the bride market and then convinced me to come with you. When you accepted a venomous monster as your buyer. But this… This tops it all.”
“I know. But I don’t know what else to do. This is the only thing that makes sense.”
Chapter Eighteen
Osric
While the women are upstairs washing up, I walk back out along the road to fetch the car. I drive it home, park it below the terrace, carry the bags inside, and leave them at their doors.
Then I shut myself in my room and slide the bolt into place.
I pace until my legs ache. The heat starts at the base of my spine and climbs, filling my chest, slithering into my jaw, the space behind my eyes, until my body and my brain feel like they’re on fire. I can’t silence the clicking anymore. I’ve given up trying.
I’m hard, my cock straining against the front of my pants and weeping through the cloth. I know I can get no release from my own hand, so I don’t even try. My tail has curled up over my shoulder on its own, stinger raised, and venom gathers at the tip and falls in slow drops I don’t wipe away because there’s no point.
My stomach aches with hunger. I’ve kept myself starving on purpose, but not even that is helping. Lack of food certainly didn’t stop me from chasing Esme when she ran. It’s just another inconvenience I have to deal with.
I can smell her through the walls. She’s in her room down the hall, and I can smell soap and warm, sweaty skin. My chest rises and falls rapidly. I drag my breath in through my mouth, but it makes little difference. I could find her with my eyes shut, and that’s why it’s important that I stay locked until…
Until what? She said she doesn’t want to leave.
All I want is Esme. I want to find her and tell her to run. The thought nearly breaks me.
I go down to my knees and drive my fists into the floor. The sound that tears out of me is a mixture of pain and fury. I hate myself. I hate my body and my biology. I hate that I finally foundmy mate, and the only thing I can offer her is danger. Maybe even death. She deserves better. She deserves to not be prey.
There’s a soft knock on the door.
“Osric.”
The clicking surges at the sound of her voice.
“Darina was worn out,” she says through the door. “She’s gone to bed. It’s just you and me now. Let me in.”
“No.” The word comes out rough, half buried under the clicking. “Go away, Esme.”
The handle rattles. She tries it twice, then lets it go.
“You locked yourself up again.”
“Please go back to your room.”
“No.”
I hear her shoes scuff the stone outside the door.
“I want this,” she says. “I want you, Osric. I’m not afraid.”
“You should be. You’ve seen what I’ve become.”
“I’ve seen you starve yourself to keep me safe. That’s what I’ve seen.” Her voice stays level. “When you claim me, when you sting me, I’m not going to die. We’re fated mates. I feel it. I can’t prove it to you, and I don’t care. Because I feel it in my heart.”
