If she can do it, I can, too.
“I was mostly afraid of losing everything.”
Both of their heads tilt to the side, and if I wasn't feeling so raw, I might’ve laughed at how alike they both are. I grabmy drink, taking another sip as I give myself something to focus on for a moment.
“You two were my first friends, mybestfriends. I didn’t have a lot of that growing up, and when you both invited my dad and I into your house, I felt like we were part of your family. If I told you I was in love with your sister, I trusted that you both would’ve been okay with it, or at least I hoped I was deemed good enough for her.” I pause, knowing that I’m putting everything on the table. .
“But I knew what she was dealing with and how she was treated. It affected her in so many ways, and I was afraid that if things ended between us, if she was unintentionally hurt, or if something bad happened, I’d lose not only the one girl that had my heart, but I’d lose the only family I had. So yeah, part of me wanted to tell you both, because she deserved a love that was shouted from the rooftops, but selfishly, I wanted to keep the only family I had.” My head hangs low as I feel the tears finally spill down my cheeks.
A weight feels like it's being slowly lifted off of my chest, the pressure lessening as I unburden myself with these secrets and finally start to truly heal from the past. I’ve carried this weight without complaint to anyone else, but finally letting go of everything and telling them the truth feels like I’m giving myself full permission to finally move forward and stop letting my regrets eat me alive.
I look up, matching tear stains on each of their faces.
Brayden is the first to speak. “Shit, man. It’s bad enough that we missed all the signs of Kailyn going through all of that bullying, but that we missed how isolated and scary this was for you as well. I’m not trying to make this about us, because while B and I played a role in it, it’s not about us. I just hope you know how sorry we arefor not making it clear back then that you never would’ve lost us.”
“I don’t blame either of you. It was an unnecessary burden I placed on myself, because I didn’t know any better. After Kailyn left, and I went down my spiral, you both were there to pick me up, and I’m grateful that you helped me get into therapy and find myself again. As much as I hated everything that happened, I think it had to happen this way, so that we could both find ourselves and in turn be better for when the time was right for us.”
They both nod their heads, small smiles appearing on their lips.
“Bray is right that we would’ve always been there for you, but sometimes, insecurities and intrusive thoughts can make you feel like you're on your own. I hate that we missed everything and that you both were hurting, but I’m so proud of you Jake. You are practically a brother to us, and that will never change. If there was anyone that was good enough for Kailyn back then, it was you.” Brandon smiles softly at me, pulling his glasses off to wipe under his eyes. His words hit true to home, like he understands in a way that no one else does, unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
“At the end of the day, we love and care about our sisters, and will always do our best to protect them. But we also know that they’re capable of making their own choices and we just want to be there to support them, not undermine them.”
I reach up to wipe my eyes again, looking over at Brayden who’s doing the same. It warms my heart to know that they didn’t immediately shoot down my insecurities and fears from back then. Even though it happened a long time ago, it still hit a raw nerve bringing it up now.
It reaffirms why these two are my family, whythey mean so much to me. They’ve always been there for me through everything and I’m glad that the full truth is out. I no longer have to keep this secret or hold this weight, and can finally put the past behind me and move forward.
“I love you, guys. Thank you for always being there for me, even after you found out everything.”
Brandon stands up and walks around the table, causing Bray and I to join him. He holds out his hand, and I take it, pulling him into a full body hug. He pats me on the back, hugging me tightly for a few moments before releasing me. Brayden then swoops in and hugs me, practically lifting me off the floor.
“We love you, too, Jake,” Brandon says from behind us, letting me go and taking a step back.
“So, going forward, I’m gonna be honest with you both. I’m going to ask your sister out for a second real date.”
They both exchange a look, eyebrows raised and a smirk on Brayden’s face before turning back to me. “We’ll allow it. Just, no PDA in front of us, please. I don’t need to see all of that.”
“Really, Bray? You practically maul girls in front of us all the time.” Brandon throws back, and I can’t help the full belly laugh that escapes me.
“You wanna see our sister making out right in front of us?”
“No, but it’s just ironic that it’s coming from you.”
I raise both my hands, still laughing at their antics, “I promise, we’ll keep the PDA to a minimum in front of you both.”
“Just take good care of her like I know you will,” Brandon says.
“I promise I will.”
“Good. Now, I’m gonna go to the restroom before weleave. If that's alright.” Brandon’s hand lands on my shoulder, squeezing it once more and then walking down the hall for the restrooms.
I turn back around, watching as Brayden has stopped laughing, body going a bit rigid. “Hey, everything okay? I know we were joking about the PDA but?—”
“Did you notice anything off about Violet earlier?” Brayden cuts me off.
I look over to see Violet at the bar top, waiting on some drinks. She’s playing with her nails, almost like she’s picking at them.
“I mean, a bit. She seemed less like her bubbly self, but I don’t really know her that well. Why?”
