His denial of everything makes me even more angry. I heard him with my own ears, so the fact that he’s lying to me grates on my every raw nerve. I try to wretch myself from his hold but he pulls me in tighter, his hands grabbing onto my wrists to hold me in place.
“Stop fucking running, and start talking to me, because we’re obviously on two differentpages here.”
“I could say the same thing to you. You’re really going to sit here and act like you didn’t fucking destroy my heart after what you said?” Anger coats my voice, but I’m trying my hardest to remain as calm and level headed as I can. We won’t get anywhere if this turns into a screaming match between us.
“Tell me what I said, then.” His voice booms in the otherwise empty silence, making me flinch slightly. “Because clearly, you know something that I don’t.”
“Of course you don’t remember. I wasn’t supposed to hear you talking about me behind my back to your hockey buddies. It’s easy for you to deny everything, isn’t it?”
His hands tighten on my wrists even further as he closes his eyes, slowly breathing in and out. How can he not remember what he said?
“Tell. Me. What. I. Said." He bites out every word.
Frustration takes over as I push on his chest, forcing him to let me go. I bolt across the room, facing the wall behind me as tears start to prickle behind my eyes. My breaths start to come out shaky, my chest rising and falling in an unsteady rhythm as I work to control my emotions.
“Oh, why would I wanna date her? She’s nothing special compared to others anyway.”
I turn back around to face him, waiting for his reaction. His face is still contorted in confusion, as I watch him tilt his head to the side, deep in thought.
After a few moments, I watch his eyes grow in size, his mouth hanging ajar and horror crossing his features at the realization of what my words signify.
And there it is.
The moment he finally understands everything.
We sit in silence for what feels like hours but is only a few moments. I really hope that he has a good explanationor something he can say that proves there was more to what he said that day, because if there isn’t, I’m not sure what to do next.
“Kailyn, I…” His mouth closes, as he shakes his head, looking down at his clenched fists. “It’s not what you think.”
“Then, tell me what to think, Jake! Because from where I’m sitting, I poured my heart out to you, told you every fear and insecurity of mine, only for you to turn around and hurt me like everyone else ever has.”
“Because you wanted to keep us a secret!” He shouts, his voice echoing off the walls. “You were the one that didn’t want people to know about us. I would’ve been ecstatic to tell everyone how I had the best girl in school, how much I loved her, but instead, I was forced to keep us a secret, because what, you didn’t trust me?”
“You were the only person I ever trusted.”
“Well, it sure didn’t feel like it. You chose to hide us from the world, because you didn’t trust me enough.” He stands from the table, hands running through his hair in a way that shows how frustrated he’s becoming.
“Don’t change the subject here, Jake. Tell me the truth about why you said that about me.”
“I already told you why,” he reiterates, like the answer is obvious.
“No, all you said was that I wanted to keep us a secret. What does that have to do with you saying I wasn’t anything special?”
“It has everything to do with it! Kailyn, you told me not to tell anyone about us. So when people asked questions, I had to lie to keep our secret intact. All of that,” He waves his hands, gesturing around us, “was a cover to protect our secret.”
“What…” I’m at a loss for words, hoping I’m not hearing him right.
“That day, John and his buddies were talking all kinds of shit, as per usual. I was fine with it, until the topic of dating came up. They were ribbing me about the playboy rumors, because they believed what was being said. I brushed it off, but when they kept pushing me about your crush on me, I made that comment, in order to protect our relationship and to get him off my back.”
My ears feel like they’re ringing, my heart sinking to the bottom of my stomach.
I jumped to conclusions and hurt the one person who meant the most to me.
Hearing him confirm my suspicions about my rush to break up with him should make me feel better, but it only makes me want to curl up in a ball and scream at myself for everything I put us through.
I don’t realize that he’s approached me until he’s standing right in front of me. His hands reach up to cup my cheeks, wiping away the tears that have started spilling from my eyes.
“I need to know where your heads at, Kailyn,” he says softly.
