My hand shakes. I knew it. Obviously, I did, but believing it and hearing it confirmed are two different things. “Anyone? For no reason?” I ask.
“No. That’s not how it works. I won’t lie to you and tell you that an innocent person has never become a casualty. If we’re going to do this, you deserve the truth. But as a whole, it’s people who are like us, people who do the same things we do, or people who hurt those we love.”
People who hurt those they love. Again, obviously, I knew that was a possibility. People they love could get hurt, but her spelling it out for me is different.
“How involved are you?”
“Not directly. Tiernan and my uncle Rian are the bosses. Cillian and Rory are in the middle of it, of course. They sell drugs on campus.” She pauses after that, as though she’s letting it sink in. “I don’t do any of that, but when I was gone, in Boston…Shai’s mom had been kidnapped. They went to get her back. A lot of people died. No one on our side, but two people did get shot—Shai’s mom and Conan. He’s like an uncle to us, too.”
It hits me then, everything she’s telling me. Not all the bad things, because my brain created enough stories for me to imagine all the things they do, but the risk she’s taking.
I could tell people.
I could pretend to want to be with her and go to the police.
I could ruin them all. “You shouldn’t be telling me this,” I say, and her eyes widen.
“I’m sorry. I thought you wanted to know. Isn’t that what this is all about?”
“That’s not what I mean,” I clarify. “I could betray you. Your whole family is at risk with you telling me this.” It’s wild how I surely had to have realized this before, but the reality of it hadn’t hit me until now.
“Yes,” Aislin agrees. “But I trust you. I want to make this work. I want a future with you, and we can’t have that unless I show you all the parts of me…and you choose me anyway.”
It’s there in her words, how much she needs this, too. To be chosen. To bear her truth and to be loved, regardless.
“Okay,” I say. “You can trust me.”
She gives me a nod and then starts talking again.
CHAPTER FIVE
Aislin
We talk forhours. Well, mostly I talk, and Zuri listens. She asks questions, and I answer every one of them, even when it’s hard, even when I’m afraid.
I talk until my throat is raw and my voice rough, until I feel wrung dry and there’s nothing left for me to say. I tell her everything, and Zuri listens, holds my hand, and doesn’t wince, walk away, or even falter. She’s just strong in supporting me.
I give myself a moment to take her in. Zuri is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I love how full of emotion her eyes are—how, when she looks at you, you feel like the most important person in the world—like maybe you’re theonlyperson in the world, and I’d do anything to always bask in that feeling. “That’s it. That’s all I can think of right now,” I finish.
“Thank you for trusting me with that,” she answers, tender in a way that only Zuri can be.
But all of that was only some of what I came here to say, wasn’t it? What’s coming next aren’t words I ever thought I would say, and I never would have imagined could be true about me. But I’ve never been in love before I met Zuri, and being in love changes things. “It would be hard…walking away from my family while we’re still in Ashford, but I would do it if that’s what you want. Or once we graduate, we could start our own lives somewhere else. Tiernan would make that happen for me—”
“What? No! I could never ask you to do that,” Zuri interrupts.
“Even after everything I told you?”
“None of that is you,” she asserts. “And even if it were…I don’t have a family of my own, Ash. My parents were taken away from me. After that, I spent my whole life alone—until now. I’m not taking your family away from you, and I’m not running. That’s not who I am, and that’s not who you are either. Not my girl.”
I beam at her response. There is nothing like being Zuri’s girl. “God, it’s disgusting how much I like being called that. Who even am I?”
“My girl,” she reiterates.
“Then you’re mine, too,” I tell her.
“Damn straight.”
We meet in the middle, the two of us pulled together as though our lips are made of magnets. Kissing Zuri is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Each time feels like my first kiss. My body gets tingly, and everything about her goes straight to my head. I swear it’s like I get buzzed off her, like she’s a drug, but a healthy one that does nothing but make me feel good.
