The moment was gone before I could process it, let alone respond. Throughout lunch I couldn’t stop myself from stealing looks at them both. There is no doubt they are comfortable together. She’s different with him. Of all the personas I’ve seen her sport, she seems at ease with him. Maybe it’s the closest to her real self.
It was captivating to watch.
Seeing them together felt different than I expected. I thought I’d be jealous or feel left out. I never thought I’d be open to sharing a woman with another man, but as I sit with the idea tonight, I’m surprised by how unbothered I am at the idea of sharing her withHudson.
In fact, the idea of sharing her with someone who already knows her body, knows her edges and her triggers…and who also happens to be the person I trust most in this world… It doesn’t feel threatening. It feels...irresistible.
Inevitable, even.
And I won’t deny that seeing Hudson with her, all easy smiles, fast jokes, in his element…adds another level of appeal. Images and thoughts I haven’t let myself think about in a really long time have resurfaced. Curiosities I had to shove deep down at a young age.
Knock, knock.
Eva lets herself in, laptop tucked under one arm and coffee in the opposite hand. “So today went well, right?” she asks, perching on the edge of my desk like she owns the place.
“You tell me. What’d you think?”
She watches me for a long moment. “We have time to talk about the mission later. First, I need to know if you’re good.”
“Define ‘good.’” I hope she’s not going to pry too hard.
“Sure. ‘Good,’ as in are you spiraling because you want to jump the redhead, but also maybe your best friend?”
I groan. “Jesus fuck, E. Really?”
“You’re not that subtle, Enz.”
I lean back in my chair, take a deep breath, and stare at the ceiling. Eva is the perfect person to talk to about this. We’ve always been able to talk to each other about the hard stuff, and she is way wiser than her years. Hell, she’s way wiser than me. Christ knows spinning this around in my head isn’t getting me anywhere.
“I don’t know what the hell is happening. I want her. More than I’ve ever wanted anyone. How could I not? Jesus. She’s…she’s?—”
“A goddess. She’s a goddess, Enz. They all are.”
I chuckle. The three have beauty, grace, intelligence, and grit. I’ve never seen anything like it before. And while they are all uniquely impressive, I’m drawn to Pippa in a way I’ve never been drawn to another woman before. “You have a point, but I don’t want to screw things up with Hudson. I could never do anything to hurt him—you know that. And he’s had it bad for her for a long time. Long before I was in the picture.”
“And?” Eva raises eyebrows.
“Are you really going to make me say it?”
She confirms with a slight motion.
“They both threw me a grenade today about…sharing. As if it were no big deal. So, yes, I’m spiraling. There. Are you happy?”
Eva takes a beat before answering. “Big brother, you and I both know Hudson would never do anything to make you uncomfortable. And if all you want to do is share Pippa with him, even to just get her out of your system, you know he’d grant that wish. He’d grant you anything you want.”
I know.
“And yes,” she continues, “there is something between the two of them—chemistry for sure—but you and Hudson are thicker than blood.”
“Which is why I’m not sure what to do,” I admit.
“Is it the idea of sharing her that has you feeling confused? I have to imagine you’ve had a menage-a-trois before.” She chuckles.
I glare at her. “I will not be discussing such things with my little sister.”Or anyone, if I can help it.Intimacy avoidance is my cross to bear.
“If I may,” she says in a voice I know is preparing me for a hard truth. She learned it from our parents. “I don’t think sharing Pippa is what has you in your head.” She pauses.
I wait silently for her to finish.
