I shrugged. “I don’t know. But I can’t go back home tonight. Do you care if I crash on your couch? I’ll be gone early in the morning, so I won’t be any more of a bother than I’ve already been.”
“Stop that! You are no bother at all, and of course you can stay here. I have plenty of guest rooms for you to pick. You don’t need to sleep on the couch. You can stay as long as you need to, love.”
I managed the smallest smile before taking a sip of my drink,mixing my tea with my tears. I had fucked up everything. “Thanks, Dre. I’ll take one down here. That way I don’t wake you guys up when I leave.”
“Whatever you want,” she said with a smile. She kissed the top of my head and squeezed my arm before heading up to bed and leaving me to sulk alone in the kitchen.
After another thirty minutes of just staring into my mug, I rinsed it out and padded to the bathroom to rinse off my face, hoping the shame I felt would wash away with the dirt of the day.
I stupidly checked my phone one last time before turning it off and slipping under the covers. I tried to calm my mind and focus on getting some sleep. Tomorrow was the day to deal with the next steps and seeing Daisy again. I closed my eyes, letting the darkness take over and preparing myself for the end of my friendship and relationship with Daisy.
Chapter Forty
DAISY
“Daisy, Hi.”Drea greeted me with a smile I couldn’t match.
After Kaia had left, I went home to find the house empty. I figured once she got there, she’d at least wait for me before leaving. I’d hoped she would change her mind, but she didn’t. She really went to Drea’s and left me, again. This time was my fault.
She loved me. Kaia Rhodes loved me in the way I loved her, and I couldn’t say it back. I didn’t know how. I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe she actually loved me, and for four years?!
Every time I came home from a date, she sat there, in love with me, listening to me complain or boast about it. Every hookup I had, which wasn’t very many, by the way, she let me go into detail about how they did or did not please me, and she was in love with me the whole time?
Was that why she never dated? I knew she said it was because of her dad, but was that the only reason? I’d feel awful if it was because of me, although a small part of me was happy she was waiting for me. I should’ve said it back.
I didn’t. I didn’t say it back because she’s wrong. She wasn’t in love with me. She couldn’t be. Maybe she was in love with the idea of being with me, but she couldn’t truly love me. I wasn’t someone to be loved. I was unloveable. I was complicated and came with too much physical baggage. Eventually she’d see that and things would get messier than they were now.
If I knew all of this why did I show up on Drea’s door? Why was I begging to see Kaia? I didn’t even know what I was going to say when I saw her. I wanted to say I was sorry. I wanted to say I loved her back ten times. I didn’t want her to break things off. I didn’t want things to be over between us.
But I didn’t say it back. I felt angry when she told me when Ishould’ve been so happy. I should’ve kissed her and said it back, but I couldn’t. Now, I might’ve ruined things between us, and it was justified. She had every right to never want to see me again, and I’d understand.
“Hi, Drea. I’m sorry to just show up unannounced and so early. I was wondering if I could talk to Kaia? I kind of messed things up last night, and we got into a fight. Which I’m sure you already know.”
She nodded. “Yes, I do know, and I’m sorry, she’s not here. Why don’t you come in?”
She wasn’t here? Well, where was she, then? Now I was getting worried. I figured she’d still be here and I’d have a chance to talk to her, but I was too late. Maybe she got home after I left and was packing her things to leave. Maybe she knew I’d come here so she went to Fallon and Mackenzie’s or the bookstore.Breathe, Daisy. Drea will know where she is. She’s okay. Wherever she is, even though she’s not happy, she’s safe.
“Okay.” I nodded and followed her to the living room, where she motioned for me to sit on the couch.
“Where is she?”
“She said she was going back home. I’m sorry about what happened. Are you okay?”
I laughed. “Oh yeah, I’m just peachy. My best friend admits something to me, and instead of being honest, I get mad and defensive and she runs away.”
“Yeah, she told me. Hopefully she’s calmed down by now. It’s a lot to process, I’m sure. Admitting your feelings is never easy, trust me, but she really cares for you, so you have to understand how your reaction hurt her. Don’t think that means I’m taking sides here, I’m not. I’ve been rooting for you two since day one, you know.”
I smiled. “I do. She mentioned you had a helping hand in our first meeting, and our first kiss. Thank you, Drea.”
“Why are you thanking me? You should be blaming me and yelling at me for things going to shit.”
I shook my head. “Because if it weren’t for you, I would’ve never fallen in love with her. I would’ve never had the pleasure of knowing her, and my life wouldn’t be half as good as it is when she’s with me. So, thank you, Drea.”
She shrugged. “I had to. I saw the way she kept looking at you and finding excuses to wander the store just to get close to you. I just wantedto help her out. She deserves to be happy, and you’ve been that for her. If you feel the same, why didn’t you tell her?”
“I was scared, but I need to talk to her. I need to explain.”
I needed to tell her I was sorry for how I reacted and that I love her too much to not let her love me. If she kept being in love with me, it would only break her heart more when she realized I couldn’t be what she needed.
