Becky turned around and headed past the partition where her father worked. She made a show of yelling my order. “One large pizza with pepperoni and enough mushrooms to choke a man.”
The controlled expression faltered as Booker snickered.
“Let’s see if it chokes a man.”
For a moment, I could almost feel Cypher’s neck in the crook of my arm. I couldn’t tell if his statement had an innuendo underneath. He must have an opinion about last night. I don’t know if I could bear hearing it. I reached out, ready to flag Becky down to come back and cancel the order. The anxiety took hold.
“We can just?—”
He grabbed my wrist. The pace of my heart slowed, and my shoulders relaxed. He guided my hand back to the table, but didn’t let go. “I promise, it’s okay. ”
“How do you do that?”
Now he withdrew, sitting back in his chair. “What do you mean?”
“Normally, when somebody says it’ll be okay, it makes the anxiety worse.” I held my wrist, rubbing the spot he had just grabbed. “When you do it, I believe you.” His eyes dropped to the table as if I had scolded him. I didn’t meanfor it to sound like an accusation. It hadn’t been the first time, almost as if he had the Midas touch.
“Part of my training.”
I didn’t believe him. Not that he lied, but for the first time, I wondered if Booker had his own secrets. If Jake Owens and I could hide behind personas, did this burly man do the same?
I was about to offer an out when he blurted out, “About the other night…”
Not even his ability to calm my nerves could stop the tightening in my gut. I leaned back, wiping sweaty palms along my jeans. I went back to gripping the fabric. Every one of the practiced excuses flashed at once. I took martial arts classes. He had been concussed. It shocked even me how easy lying had become, especially when what I really wanted to say was that Cypher got what he deserved.
“Thanks.”
My head cocked to the side. “Thanks?”
“Isn’t that the proper response when somebody saves your life?”
“Yeah.” I didn’t sound confident.
“Oh, you thought I meant the other thing.” He leaned forward, hands folded. “You… uhm… yeah. I felt guilty. I didn’t want to leave you until I knew you were okay.”
“You were guilty?” Oh.
We weren’t talking about what happened at Cypher’sapartment. He skipped ahead to what came after. My palms grew sweatier for a very different reason.
“You saved my life. I shouldn’t have done that.” This wasn’t going at all how I expected.
“You shouldn’t be alone.” I mumbled the words he had said in my doorway. What came after had been soft, reassuring, even sensual. Those four words didn’t ask me to shove my emotions to the side. They didn’t require a mask to be put in place. Booker had watched my nervous breakdown, one I still didn’t fully understand. He could have run away, hell, he could have run toward me. Instead, he stayed still.
I couldn’t meet his eyes, not without my breath catching in my throat. “Don’t be.”
He had this uncanny method of backing away from the conversation and giving it a chance to breathe… a chance formeto breathe. The government might have taught him how to wield patience like a weapon, but had they taught him empathy?
“You were right.” It came out like a whisper. Admitting it felt like weakness. I spent my days in the office making deals, and at night I cracked skulls for justice. I’d have chosen a knife fight over the next words. “I didn’t want to be alone.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. “No.” I gave him a slight smile. “Not yet, at least.”
“That’s okay.” A quick glance up, and he had a smirk on his face. “I’m not going anywhere.” He was sincere. “We still have a job to do.”
If I didn’t know better, I’d think Booker had the ability to say the right thing at the right moment. This man owed me nothing. Thrust together to solve a problem I hardly understood, it had evolved. Is this how normal friendships came about? Two people absentmindedly put together to do a job, and somehow they bonded? Booker liked me, or at least part of me. I just couldn’t figure out why.
“I almost forgot your drinks.” Becky wedged herself past the tension and dropped a soda in front of me and a water in front of Booker. “You strike me as a water guy.”
