When I picked up my phone, I saw I had a text message from Uncle Landon, as usual. One thing about him was that he was consistent about checking in on me every day since the accident. Even though he wasn’t in town a lot, because he was a big shot Hollywood actor, there wasn’t a second I didn’t feel his love. And he always asked me the same thing with every morning message.
Landon:Good morning, my lovely niece. How’s your heart?
I looked at his words and let them swirl in my mind a bit before I texted him back. Uncle Landon told me that, when he was a kid, a very important person in his life would always ask him the same thing when he was struggling. He said the heart didn’t have to be happy or joyful, but as long as it was still beating, then that was good enough.
He never pressured me to be happy—he just hoped I was still here with him. I knew Uncle Landon’s uncle, Lance, died by suicide. I didn’t want him to worry about me doing the same thing. Sometimes, though, I wondered what it would be like if I wasn’t around anymore. I wondered if my family would be better off without my struggles with sadness.
I texted Uncle Landon back.
Karla:Still beating.
Landon:I love you till forever.
Karla:I love you till forever, too.
“Karla!” Grandma Claire said, popping her head into the bathroom. “Breakfast.Now.”
It took me much longer to make it to the dining room than it took Lorelai. Then again, that girl was like a speed demon, shooting in and out of spaces, leaving everything in a tailspin. As I walked into the dining room, I kept my head down and headed straight for my seat without looking around.
I grumbled to myself as I sat down. “Grandma, I really wish you wouldn’t come stomping into my room like that. It’s so annoying. Plus, I know how to wake myself up for school. I’m not a child.”
“Good morning, Karla,” Grandma Claire replied, her voice dripping with the same sweetness that Mom’s used to drip with. She walked over to me and kissed my forehead.
I hated that I loved those forehead kisses.
Mom used to give me those, too, in the morning.
“Whatever,” I murmured, trying to shake off the comfort that the forehead kiss delivered me. I quickly began inhaling the food, because the sooner I ate, the sooner I could be excused from being at the table.
“Karla, this is Ellie, the new nanny,” Grandma Claire stated.
I looked up from my food, and my eyes met with Ellie’s as she stood beside the table.
She looked beautiful.Painfullybeautiful. The kind of beautiful that seemed to only grace A-list Hollywood movie stars—and well, an everyday nanny, I supposed.
She had perfectly long hair with loose curls. Brown doe eyes, and a perfect smile with full lips. I swore there were even sparkles in her eyes. All of that instantly annoyed me. I hated beautiful people. They reminded me of how ugly I was.
The second Ellie’s perfectly shaped eyes landed on me, they widened with shock, and she gasped. Shegaspedat me. It wasn’ta foreign look or sound for me. Most people looked at me horrified when they took notice of my scars for the first time. Gasps were very normal.
She tried her best to shake off her stunned expression, but it was too late. I already felt lesser than. That probably had nothing to do with how she looked at me, because I’d spent the past few months feeling less than most people, but still, her surprised look didn’t make the feeling any better.
“Grrr!” I growled, taking on Lorelai’s new favorite sound. Ellie’s eyes bugged out as if she was stunned by my growls. Good. I wanted her to be as uncomfortable as I felt from her staring. “Grrr! Grrrrr!” I continued in her direction. The color of her skin drained to a pale white, as if she was certain she’d actually come across a real-life monster. I kept growling until Grandma Claire ordered me to stop.
“Karla Marie, knock it off this instant,” Grandma ordered me.
“Grrr! Hisssss! Grrrrr!” I continued, keeping my eyes locked on Ellie. She was weak. I could tell by the way she nervously shook. Good. Hopefully that meant she’d be gone sooner rather than later. There shouldn’t have been another woman in our house, anyway. I was old enough to take care of my little sister on my own, too.
I still was pissed off at my father for thinking a fourteen-year-old needed a freaking nanny.
“Karla, that’s enough,” a deep, stern voice ordered, making my stare move over to the entryway of the dining room. Dad stood there in his overly expensive suit and tie, with a mug of coffee in his grip. His eyes that matched my own pierced my spirit. “Quit it.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I’ll quit when she stops staring at me like I’m a fucking freak of nature.”
Ellie tensed up. “No, I wasn’t... you aren’t...” Her voice was shakier than an erupting volcano.
“Watch your language,” Dad demanded. I hated when he tried to play the father role as if he had any right to that anymore. My dad stopped being my dad months ago. Now whenever he tried to, it felt forced.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Sorry, Father,” I mocked as I stood from the table. I grabbed my bowl of cereal. “Since I used bad language, I should be banished to my room until it is time to be driven to prison by my servant.”
