Luckily for me, Ellie had learned quickly that I didn’t like when people badgered me with questions. She always let it go and put on music.
Music that surprisingly didn’t suck. I had been convinced that Ellie had bad music choices because of her basic-chick nature. Boy, was I wrong.
Today, there was one song called “My Happy Ending” by someone named Avril Lavigne, and as I sat in the back seat of the car, it felt as if my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Mom would’ve loved that song.
Halfway through the song, I wanted to cry again.
10Ash
On a scale of one to ten, I felt like a negative four hundred.
Over the past few days, I’d been taking care of my mother, only to be lucky enough to catch her flu, too.
I missed two days of school. Maa made me soup to help me feel better, and Dad checked in on me whenever he was home. I knew it was silly, but I was thankful for being sick. For those two days, my parents were back and looking after me. A part of me wanted to stay sick longer just so I could have them around.
During that time, Dad talked about sports and how he was thinking of adding a half bathroom in the basement. I told him I’d help with the project if he wanted me to. He smiled big and said he’d love my help when I felt better. I liked when he smiled. It didn’t happen often anymore.
Even though I was looking forward to helping my father, Maa wasn’t as thrilled with all the renovations. The other day, I heard my parents fighting about all the home improvements Dad had been making. Maa said he was spiraling and turning our house into a construction site. Dad said he was building up the property value.
I didn’t know why it mattered that the property value would go up, seeing as how Maa always said this would be our forever home, but I never added to their conversation. Dad dealt with his feelings by saving lives and hammering stuff. Maa dealt with hers by arguing with Dad. I dealt with mine by visiting the cemetery. We all had our vices.
On day three, I was back at school, even though I still felt awful. Maa said she didn’t want me falling behind too much on homework. As I dragged my feet into first period, I deflated into my desk with about five pounds of perspiration falling from my forehead. I wore a black sweatsuit because I had been freezing my ass off. At some point I’d probably rip the sweatshirt off because I’d be too damn hot.
Rian always wore black hoodies. I started to after he passed away. One of the odd things I did to feel as if he was still close by.
That morning, it took me way longer than normal to get to my class. I swore I spent a solid ten minutes trying to remember my locker combination. My sweaty palm stayed in the pocket of my hoodie as I tossed the toy truck around in my hand. That toy truck brought me comfort in the same way a weighted blanket probably helped others.
“You look awful,” Karla said as she slipped into her desk in front of me. She wore her signature black wardrobe, and wet hair hung in front of her face. Her classic “Don’t look at me, don’t talk to me, don’t notice me” attire.
It really brought out her eyes.
“I feel worse than I look,” I said as I wiped the sleeve of my hoodie across my damp forehead.
Karla turned to face me more. I liked when she did that—it made our one-sided friendship seem like something she, too, was interested in. “Why are you at school if you’re sick?”
“Can only miss so many days.”
“I skipped school for weeks. Trust me, you could’ve missed a few more.”
“If only I was a rebel like you.”
“Yeah, well, not everyone can be a wild child like me.”
“I like your wild, child.”
I could’ve been wrong, but I swore it looked as if she almost smiled. “You’re a dork.”
I grinned. “Thank you.”
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
“Felt like one to me.”
She almost smiled again. “You’re so weird.”
I liked when she called me names. It felt slightly playful, and I enjoyed the thought of a playful Karla.
She continued talking. That didn’t happen often, so I hung on to every word. “My dad used to say the same thing whenever someone was snappy with him. He’d just smile and say thank you, leaving the other people confused.”
